Posts

I just had a long post written to go up… but now it’s disappeared.

I’ve just switched servers, to stop hacking attempts on my blog, BH, so there may be some teething issues while the blog settles down in its new home.

Like, I had a whole post about how I went up to do some praying in Meron yesterday night with my husband, in response to a call from a ‘hidden tzaddik’ who said there are some very harsh judgments looming again.

I won’t rehash everything I wrote – too tired to do it all again today – but here’s the short version:

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  1. There are very harsh judgements on the horizon again, and many of us can already feel that – that’s why we can’t sleep, have migraines, feel generally yucky, and / or stressed out of our eyeballs.
  2. Yesterday, a busload of Shuvu Banim hidden tzaddikim – just the regular guys there – travelled up to Meron to pray literally all night, that these judgments should be sweetened. (See the video below).
  3. Me and my husband also went up, so my husband could join them for an hour, while I tried to sleep in the car, as I was still feeling so yucky.

Long story short, even though I was asleep, I knew when that Shuvu Banim bus showed up, because the song ‘Uman Rosh Hashana’ started playing in my head, I got weird goosebumps down my back, I felt Rebbe Nachman had just joined the prayer gathering – and most telling of all, I suddenly started to feel way, way better and happier.

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Long story even shorter:

Something big got sweetened yesterday in Meron, thanks to the mesirut nefesh of a coachload of Shuvu Banim guys, who dropped everything on a Thursday evening to spend the whole night awake praying at Meron.

That’s who Shuvu Banim really are, not all those horrible ‘knocking’ stories in the media.

That same media who have been feeding you lies non-stop about ‘Covid 19’ and ‘vaccines’ and all the rest of it.

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It’s amazing to me that so many people here in Israel are acting like we’ve returned to ‘Disneyland’, now they’ve been vaxxed up to the eyeballs with an experimental gene therapy with unknown side affects.

Me, I’ve been feeling all week that we are still very much in the middle of the war, and that it’s still nowhere near the stage where we can relax and tell ourselves it’s been won.

They put the Rav back in prison.

The forces of evil are still kicking, hard.

The Rav – and the world, generally -still needs our prayers, our efforts, our yearning for moshiach and geula the sweet way.

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I know it’s hard to pray, believe me.

I am currently averaging one tikkun haklali a week, where I spent the last 5 years doing around 3 a day.

But every tiny bit we do now makes so, so much difference in shemayim, precisely because it’s so very hard to do anything.

So, gird your loins!

This shabbat, try to say at least one tikkun haklali, try to do at least 10 minutes of hitbodedut.

It all counts, it can all tip the balance at this crucial time.

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Rebbe Nachman told us a parable, where he explained how the previous generations had really fought most of the battle for us. They stormed the citadel, they broke down the walls, they scaled the ladders to the top of the ramparts.

All that is left for us to do is break through a few ‘cobwebs’.

That’s it.

It’s plenty hard enough, I know.

But all this is just cobwebs.

So dust off your tikkun haklali, and let’s try to blast through them.

Because geula is on the other side of those cobwebs – and not just ‘geula’ stam. We are begging Hashem to bring geula the sweet way.

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PS: These guys from Shuvu only got back to Jerusalem an hour ago – 12 midday.

There is no-one else like them, ashreichem, that they are close to the Rav – and also trying to follow his path.

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I woke up today feeling pretty sad.

I guess it’s finally sinking in that millions of my fellow Jews, my fellow human beings, have been totally sold down the river with this whole, evil Covid scam.

So many of my kids’ friends have had this Pfizer ‘vaccine’ that really isn’t.

So much of my family, both in Israel and abroad.

Some of my extended family members even lied and said they were social workers, so they could jump the queue to get ‘vaccinated’ in the UK.

All this is making me very sad.

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If I forget that God is really running the world, and that He can choose to turn all this around for the best, then the sadness is overwhelming.

All those people who say ‘we followed daat Torah in temimut, nothing bad can happen to us’ – do you know how many people followed daat Torah (“quote marks”) who told them it was OK to stay in Europe, to stay in Hungary, during World War II?

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I was talking to my husband about this today, and he told me a couple of things that really helped me cheer up, at least enough to get on with making Shabbat.

  1. He told me that now we are back in Eretz Yisrael, the hashgacha pratit, the Divine oversight of what’s going on is totally miraculous. God could have wiped the whole of Israel out 60 times over, already. We’ve had so many wars with miraculous outcomes, already.

Every second here is a miracle, already, Pfizer shot or not Pfizer shot, and if God wanted us all dead, He could have arranged that a long time ago.

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2. The second thing he told me is that today, we also have the Rav, Rav Berland.

The Rav has been busy sweetening things behind the scenes the last couple of decades, already.

So many things have already not gone to ‘plan’ for the forces of evil, there is good reason to feel more optimistic about the future in Israel, than I currently do.

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I’m still really sad.

I still just feel like crying my eyes out about what’s gone on here.

But, I have to make the effort, spiritually, to remember that God is all there is, and that everything CAN be turned around for the good in a second.

God is only good.

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And God is all there is.

BH, He’ll come and rescue us from all this evil and madness soon.

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That’s the real test that’s going on right now, whatever side of this ‘vaxx’ debate you stand on.

I wanted to write this for a few days, as I’ve been reading more and more ‘scary stories’ coming out of alternative sources about the potential for these mRNA gene therapy pretend-vaccines to create ‘super bugs’ that no immune system can stand up to.

In other words, that people who are ‘vaccinated’ will become the most powerful source of illness and disease in the world, God forbid.

I have no idea if that’s true.

Is it possible?

In theory, yes.

But, if I’ve learnt one thing over the last few years, it’s that we can’t see round corners, as much as we try.

And we actually don’t really know what’s going on, because so much of the information required to ‘know’ is being hidden from us, on every level.

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So what’s the real test that’s going on here?

Clearly, it’s not to ‘know’ everything, and to make the ‘right decision’ about whether to take the experimental gene therapy with unknown side effects that so many people decided to take, thanks to media lies and misinformation, and pressure from the government, workplaces and socially.

Personally, that just didn’t sound appealing, but I can certainly understand those people who had so much anxiety, they felt they just had to do it, to have some peace from themselves.

And I can understand those people who already bought into flu vaccines taking the ‘Covid’ shot, because no-one tole them it’s actually something totally different, and not just a ‘traditional’ vaccine, reconfigured for Covid.

I can understand people who decided to take the shot because they were pressured by family, or fearing that they wouldn’t be able to work anymore, if they didn’t.

And I hope, that at least some of those people can understand my very real concerns and objections to being forced to take this experimental ‘gene’ therapy with undisclosed ingredients and side effects.

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Because, THAT is the real test that is going on here.

Hashem has now engineered a world where the truth is so hidden, so covered over by lies, on so many different levels, that an honest person has to put their hand up and admit:

I really have no idea what is actually going on.

Maybe, as more truth comes out about what is really going on, the pendulum going to swing, and then all of a sudden the ‘vaccinated’ will be treated like dangerous pariahs, and that’s part of why there has been this massive push to vaccinate all of Israel?

If something like that happens, and the shoe is on the other foot, is the ‘anti-vax’ crowd suddenly going to demand that ‘vaccinated’ people are kept away from society, locked up and prevented from having human rights?

You see, how easily all this could turn around?

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So the test right now is simply to treat ‘the other’ the way we ourselves would like to be treated.

Whatever side of the equation we happen to be on.

And even assuming that we are 100% ‘right’ and the other guy is 100% ‘wrong’.

Even so, to empathise with that other person’s humanity, their soul, and to not totally denigrate and rubbish them for not thinking the way we do about things.

That is the main test right now, to have empathy:

empathy ĕm′pə-thē

  • n.
    The ability to identify with or understand another’s situation or feelings

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You remember that horrible woman that slapped my daughter in the face, for not wearing a mask?

I was hating her guts, until I tried very hard in my hitbodedut to try to put myself in her shoes, and to understand that she was probably totally petrified and overwhelmingly anxious.

That doesn’t excuse her behavior.

But, it did mean that I could stop hating her, and I could forgive her for being a MSM-believing retard.

(And all that didn’t come so easy, btw.)

But I know it’s the test right now.

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To keep doing the birur, to keep searching for truth, to keep trying to hold by it – but not to passul others who for whatever reasons, just can’t stick to ‘truth’ in their own lives.

With one caveat:

As long as that other person isn’t try to force ME to do things that are against my own best interest.

Because as soon as someone else is trying to control me with their fears, their propaganda, their bullying, their coercion – they are on the wrong side of the argument, spiritually, whatever else they are standing for.

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Free choice is sacrosanct.

It’s the whole reason God make the world.

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You believe in masks, in gene-therapy-pretend-vaccines, in the medical establishment – good for you!

But I have a God-given right to NOT.

And you have to respect that.

And vice-versa.

You don’t believe in masks, in gene-therapy-pretend-vaccines, in the medical establishment – good for you!

But others have a right to YES, believe in all that.

And we have to respect that.

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Over half my extended family is cheerfully and enthusiastically ‘vaccinated’ already.

I worry about that, I really do.

But I’m not about to start pressuring them, even if I could, or ostracising them, or writing them bullying WhatsApp messages about what damage they are doing to the world with their choices.

I still love them.

I still want the best for them.

I still understand that given who they are, and where they are holding, they felt that getting ‘the shot’ was the best option for them.

I don’t agree – but I totally respect their decision.

And now, we will just drop the subject, and we’ll wait to see whose version of ‘the truth’ turns out to be more accurate.

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Maybe, I’m wrong, who knows?

Maybe they are.

We will all have to deal with the consequences of our choices, whatever they turn out to be.

But in the meantime, I’m going to do my best to keep my love for others who have chosen a different past, and my respect for their basic humanity, going.

Because that is what I would want them to do for me, if it turns out I’m the one who made a mistake.

And that is how we can all pass this test.

Really.

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Lots of us seem to be asking the same question at the moment.

And it’s this:

Why has God let all the evil people run the show for so very long?

Why has He let evil flourish in the world for all these years?

It’s not an easy question to answer.

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Last week, I had a very powerful dream.

I was in some ‘facility’ where they torture children and other people – probably Montauk, in Long Island.

I was being shown around, and they were describing all the yucky things they do to render people without a conscience, and therefore capable of the worst cruelty.

Strangely, when I woke up, I didn’t feel scared to death, like I usually do when I have these ‘brushes with evil’ in my dreams.

But I did feel, with every atom of my being, that this evil needed to stop. NOW.

So I spent the next few minutes just praying this prayer, over and over again:

God, please destroy the evil in the world to its very foundations.

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Friday night, one of my kids had a massive meltdown.

She just started sobbing her eyes out about how there is so much evil in the world, that God must be a bit ‘evil’ Himself, to let all this happen.

I tried to shut her up, initially – we don’t question God! We don’t suggest God is anything but totally, 100% good!

But once the dust settled, I realised that she was just expressing the same question I have at the moment, about why God has allowed evil to rule the world for so very long.

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I believe it’s for a good reason.

But that doesn’t mean that I can understand what’s going on here – at all.

The more I look into things, the more lies I discover.

The more I learn about how the world is really working, the more I understand that it is built on a pre-determined plan for war, starvation, suffering and abuse of human beings.

How can God want such a world as this to continue?

How could He let such a world like this devolve in the first place?

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I know many of us are having the same sorts of questions bubbling up at the moment.

Sometimes, it’s just so very hard to keep hanging on to faith and emuna, even though I KNOW that’s the only path that’s going to get me through this in one piece, whatever happens next.

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Increasingly, I’m finding it hard to tolerate the mask fascism.

The last few days, I have snapped at 2 different shopworkers who told me to put my mask up.

It’s a problem, because I am getting to the stage where I just can’t do it anymore.

And if I need to do it to continue to buy my groceries… well.

It’s a problem that I don’t know how to solve.

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Now, the State of Israel is attempting to coerce me into getting ‘vaccinated’ by all these little ‘rules’ that are taking away my basic human rights.

This week, for the first time in months, we went out for supper, to give me a rest from cooking every single day.

We didn’t have the ‘green passport’ – such Orwellian descriptions! – so we were told we had to sit outside at the two tables reserved for ‘Coronavirus lepers’.

My daughter was with is, and she started to whisper to us: Now I’m starting to understand how it was for the Jews in the holocaust, when they had to wear their yellow stars.

I wish it was a joke, an exaggeration, a dramatic teenage turn of phrase.

But the truth is, I’m also starting to understand how it was for the Jews in the holocaust, when they had to wear their yellow stars.

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At the same time, this battle is 100% mental.

Because yesterday, I took the Jimny out with a friend of mine to a forest near Jerusalem, and we sat playing our guitars (badly…) in the sun for an hour.

And then later on, my husband and I went to the Kotel to join the small prayer gathering for the Rav (of course, with the cr*ppy masks and plastic waiting pens.)

And then yesterday night, some of the juvenile delinquents we are acquainted with invited us to come to a party they were throwing, to celebrate one of their friends getting out of the army.

I sat there sipping a bitter lemon in a glass bottle (trying to fool the crowd that it was something alcoholic) and watched all the chain-smoking young people with weird haircuts just enjoy themselves a little, BBQing steaks under a cloudless Jerusalem night sky.

All so normal….

Kind of.

One of the neighbors called the police because of the music (I guess they didn’t like 80s soft rock) – and then everyone rushed to ‘mask up’.

In the end, the police just gave a small fine for playing loud music at 11.30 at night, and then left.

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I came home so disorientated.

Am I living in a corona-fascist police state that’s trying to institute a secret eugenics agenda to get rid of ‘surplus people‘, or not?

Or is everything ‘back to normal-ish’ now, and I can forget about Moshiach and geula coming any time soon?

And if it’s the former, that’s really, really horrible and I can’t deal with it any more.

And if it’s the latter – am I bad for feeling some relief that maybe the madness of the last year is starting to recede?

Even if that’s pushing ‘Moshiach’ off again, another 200 years?

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It was easier, in some ways, when I had no choice except to stay at home, in the first lockdown.

Living half in and half out of the madness, as it’s been for almost a year now, is probably harder, psychologically, then just having a more stable ‘bad’ to deal with.

Every day, the goalposts change again.

Every day, I wake up in a world where I have no idea what’s coming next, good or bad, or how I’m meant to be reacting to it.

But this I know:

I want the evil to be destroyed, totally, NOW.

I don’t want God to wait any more, to be hidden any more. That’s my dream, that’s my prayer.

I want that evil destroyed ASAP.

And I’m really hoping, God does too.

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UPDATE:

This song from Yair Elitzur kind of also sums it up:

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I’ve had a couple of emails recently asking me why am I bothering to do all this research.

What’s the point?

Why am I putting so very much time and effort into trying to figure out what happened 300 years ago, and 200 years ago, and 2,000 years ago, in the Jewish community?

There’s a few answers to this question, but the main one is this:

My neshama is pushing me to do this.

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Believe me, that this is often totally tedious, frustrating work.

Believe me, that if I could just cut loose from this and go and do something that I have a chance of actually completing within, say, the next three years – that would be great.

So, why am I doing this, why am I bothering?

All I can tell you, is that my soul is pushing me to do it.

And whenever I try to give this subject a break, I start feeling some massive internal stress – for no obvious reason – until I return to it.

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This isn’t the first time I’ve had this.

When I was trying to figure out the Erev Rav stuff, and how the secular description of ‘narcissism’ fitted into it, I experienced something similar.

And then again, when I was trying to figure out how the body, mind and soul really work together, when it comes to health and how we respond to stress and trauma.

And then again, when I started researching all the lies and deception around the persecution of the Rav.

Each time, I had no idea why I was doing what I was doing, or where it was all really going, but in the end, the pieces finally came together, and I could see why God had led me down that path.

I hope that’s going to happen with this real Jewish history stuff too.

BH, soon.

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We live in the world of lies, don’t you know?

And those lies aren’t just in the parts of the Jewish world that aren’t yours or mine.

They are literally everywhere.

It’s way easier to turn your brain off, and to abdicate your free choice and personal responsibility to an ‘expert’.

But free choice is the whole reason God made us, and created the world.

So, I guess part of this geula process is blowing the comfort zone that has totally deadened our free choice, and our motivation to develop a real relationship with God, out of the water.

It’s un-comfortable all this, I know.

But I think that’s the point.

There are no certainties, nothing is guaranteed.

There is just Hashem, and our connection to Him, to take us forward into the next stage of this process.

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So, why am I doing all this?

Because that seems to be what God wants from me.

And as soon as He gives me the message that He wants me to stop, I will stop in a heartbeat.

But so far, that’s not happening.

And if anything, I keep getting the steer that I need to get more information out even faster than I’m currently managing it, because it’s important.

More than that, I can’t tell you.

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Man, I’m so utterly sick and tired of the current situation.

If it’s the birthpangs of Moshiach, then of course it’s still being radically sweetened.

But even so, the last couple of weeks, I’ve been feeling more and more exhausted by the dystopian novel that is currently life in 2021.

And I’ve been caught on the horns of a furious dilemma:

Part of me wants all the horrible ‘predictions’ about all these horrible gene therapy pretend ‘vaccines’ to start happening in real time, obviously, already, so I can finally put some of that indecision behind me, and feel ‘vindicated’ for not going down that path and not buying into the propaganda.

And then, another part of me feels so, so sad if all those horrible ‘predictions’ turn out to be true, and people start dropping like flies or suffering awful illnesses, or who knows what else.

And every part of me just wants this whole, horrible, Covid-19 c*appy situation to just go away, already.

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Probably like you, I’m exhausted by everything going on.

And I’m also sick and tired of all the research I’m doing into all these fake Jews, and all this fake news, but every time I want to leave it alone…. I get a steer that it’s important, and I need to continue.

But I sometimes have yeoush from all this, because it’s such a big project, it seems it’s never going to end.

I am someone who works best in bursts of energy, even intense bursts of energy, which have a specific ‘end’ point. And this whole saga just keeps on going and going and going, like the Energizer Bunny.

I’ve kinda been hoping Moshiach would just show up by now, and get me off the hook with having to keep doing all this grunt work, but so far, that hasn’t happened.

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So today, I asked my husband if we could go up North, to the Kever of Rashbi, so I could try to recharge my batteries a little.

I have to tell you, the North is SO beautiful right now. It’s been a very rainy winter, and the Kinneret is the highest I’ve seen it, in the 15 years I’ve lived here.

It’s also a very deep blue colour.

And the mountains all around are sprouting grass, and weeds and spring flowers, and are just so green I almost didn’t recognise what I was looking at. I’m used to things looking brown, yellow and orange, not luscious, gorgeous green.

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We went a little ‘off road’ to get to Meron, and that meant that we passed a whole bunch of Kevarim I’ve never been to before.

I felt too tired, spiritually, to really pray much today, but even so, in each place I felt I was picking up some clues about what’s going on right now, that I wrote down so I could share them with you, dear reader.

As I got a lot of chizzuk today.

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Here’s where I went, and here’s the ‘clue’ I got from each place:

#1: Rabbi Kruspedai.

He was a student of Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakkai, and while he only has a small mention in the Gemara, he has more of a mention in the Zohar.

In each of these kevarim, there are usually a list of quotes or statements they’ve made, so you can learn some Torah in their names, that they gave over. By R’ Kruspedai, he was talking about Amalek, and how Amalek went to Bilaam for advice on how to beat Am Yisrael.

Bilaam told Amalek that because of the zchut of Avraham Avinu, they would never be able to beat the Jews, but because they also descended from Avraham (via Timna, the concubine of Elifaz, son of Esav), they could still fight them.

For me, this passage underlined how ‘Amalek’ is family, and how our true enemies really just come from ‘within’.

No-one else would have the strength or ability to take us on.

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#2: Rabbi Yosi Deman Yokrat.

There was no ‘sayings’ of his, but there was a prayer stuck on the wall from Likutei Tefillot, asking that we be able to bind ourselves to the True Tzaddikim, so I said that instead.

Just now, I looked him up HERE, and now I can see why there were no sayings from him – he was an extremely harsh individual, who prayed that his own kids would be taken from the world, so they shouldn’t trouble their Creator, or cause other people to sin….

I guess it just goes to show, that we have to be so very careful who we choose as our ‘Rabbi’, and / or spiritual guide.

Because even if someone is holy and knows a lot of Torah, if they are stern and judgmental, that can still bring so much destruction to the world – and it seems, especially to their own families.

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#3 The Idra Rabba

Here’s a brief description of ‘the Idra Rabba’, from Zissil:

The Idra Rabba is a section of the Zohar inserted into Parshas Naso where Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai gathers nine of his students to reveal Kabbalistic mysteries he had refrained from teaching until then. During the Idra three of the Sages passed away including Rabbi Yossi ben Yackov who was then buried at this location.

Idra

There are quite a few tombs there, not just Rabbi Yossi – all unmarked.

My husband opened up a copy of the Zohar, and read a passage which basically said this:

At the time that Hashem smote the Egyptians with the magefa (plague), He healed Israel.

I started to feel a little happier.

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http://www.zissil.com/images/c/cf/00000191-new-kever-elkana.jpg

#4 Joint graves of Rabbi Bena’ah and Elchanan, the father of the Prophet Shmuel

Rabbi Bena’ah was the rabbi of R’ Yochanan, and he had some interesting things to say, including this:

Whoever occupies himself with the Torah for its own sake – his learning becomes an elixir of life to him, for it is said, ‘It is a tree of life to those who grasp it’; and it is further said, ‘It shall be as health to your navel’; and it is also said, ‘For whoever finds me, finds life’. 

But, whoever occupies himself with the Torah not for its own sake – it becomes to him a deadly poison, as it is said, ‘My doctrine shall drop [ya’arof] as the rain’, and ‘arifa‘ surely means death, as it is said, ‘And they shall break [ve’arfu] the heifer’s neck there in the valley’  (Taanit 7a).

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That was interesting.

But there was also another quote about R’ Bena’ah going to 24 different ‘interpreters of dreams’ when he had a dream – all of whom told him something different.

And then, all 24 of these different interpretations actually occurred to R’ Bena’ah.

Which brought home to me, again, that idea that we don’t live in a black and white world, where there is only one answer, one possibility.

The choice is not between ‘it’s all just a ridiculous conspiracy theory’ and ‘everyone is going to get sterilised, ill, or drop dead’.

There could be a million other possibilities going on here, that aren’t obvious or known or imagined, yet.

I felt a bit more happier.

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#5 Rashbi – Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai

I couldn’t stay long there, because most of the people inside were wearing masks, and I am becoming increasingly allergic to the idea of wearing masks.

So I walked in, kissed the tomb, then walked out the back door to go up the hill and sit by the tomb of:

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#6 Rabbi Yochanan HaSandler

A lot of the interesting people I’m researching claim descent from R’ Yochanan HaSandler, and I wanted to go there and pray for some clarity about what’s really going on.

On the bench where I sat, there was a booklet containing one of Rabbi Nachman’s Sippurey Maasiot, or ‘Stories of Ancient Times’.

It was the story of the King who decreed destruction.

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You can read the whole thing HERE, starting on page 56.

I am still pondering the hint, but suffice to say it’s a story about a King who expels the Jews from his state, but some Jewish anusim (i.e. crypto-Jews) stay behind because they want to retain their money and status. One of these crypto-Jews becomes a minister to the King and saves his life when the other ministers are plotting to overthrow him.

The King then gives him the privilege of being able to wear his tallit and tefillin openly, as a Jew.

There’s a lot more things going on in that story – which ends with the destruction of the King’s descendents by fire.

I need some time to pray on it, and to mull it over a bit more, before I have more of an idea of what the ‘hint’ is really telling me.

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Next stop: #6: R’ Yose of Peki’in.

He’s buried in a totally gorgeous spot in ‘the Baal Shem Tov’s Forest’, across from Tzfat.

There, we read the story of how R’ Yose had died, and how the tears and ‘argument’ of his young son with Hashem brought him back to life again, miraculously.

It was techiat hametim.

Friday night, one of my kids got very emotional, and was sobbing about how Hashem could let so much evil happen in the world.

Initially, I was trying to shut her up – because we don’t question Hashem!!!!

Except of course, we do.

And except of course, I also do, sometimes, and I also feel very upset and angry with God about all the apparently ‘bad’ things happening in the world.

I heard that story of R’ Yose’s kid, and I realised that my daughter’s tears on Friday night, and her broken heart about the state of the world, were also very precious to God.

And who knows what open miracles they might also have sparked off.

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Last stop, #7: R’ Shimon Ben Menasea

His quotes included a saying about mamzerut being something ‘broken’ that can’t be fixed.

(Although the Gemara here seems to disagree, and explains that Moshiach will fix that particular problem…) and then this:

“Israel didn’t see a good sign until they asked for: 1) Malchut Shemayim, 2) King David (Moshiach) and 3) Beit HaMikdash.”

I guess that’s about as clear cut a ‘hint’ as you’re likely to get.

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I’ve got a bit more energy back now, thanks to the kivrei tzaddikim.

I’m still tired, internally, I’m still confused about what exactly God wants from me right now, and how to give it to Him.

But despite all that, I’m feeling calmer and happier.

Thank God for our true Tzaddikim.

And may God help all of us to recharge our batteries, and to keep going, and keep having as much emuna as we can, to weather our current difficult circumstances.

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Every Rosh Chodesh Adar, I start feeling totally stressed out of my skin.

Corona, no Corona, masks no masks, Dr Evils, no Dr Evils, this happens anyway.

One year, 10 minutes after ‘Rosh Chodesh Adar’ began I was standing in my kitchen when I literally couldn’t breathe for one whole minute.

God was showing me that if He wants, He can snuff me out just-like-that.

It was a very profound lesson, and stopped me from being too ‘scared’ of things in this world, that I disconnect from God.

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Point being (and as I’ve written about lots and lots…) I usually hate Adar, and I usually hate Purim.

I just spend two weeks feeling mega-stressed, until that spiritual ‘turnaround’ happens – and this year, it’s clearly up levels and levels.

10 minutes after Rosh Chodesh Adar began, I got into an accident.

BH, it was small, and no-one was hurt, but the front bender on the Jimny got totally bent out of shape – even though I was going at 5 km an hour.

Some kid decided to skateboard across the road just as we were all accelerating as the light turned green, so the guy in front of me did an emergency stop, and I was so close to him, I couldn’t help hitting him.

I said lots of ‘thank yous’ to Hashem that the accident I was clearly supposed to have got sweetened like that – then came home and had heart palpitations for half an hour and a big chunk of cake.

Rosh Chodesh Adar!

How could I forget?

====

I’m planning to take a few quiet days, to learn more guitar and do less blogging.

As and when I have more to say, I’ll be back – maybe even tomorrow, I never know how all this stuff really pans out, it’s up to God.

But in the meantime, there’s a student at Rav Arush’s yeshiva who has released an album of songs that are really uplifting, in that cool Breslov way that kind of sputtered out 2-3 years ago.

It’s good to see it coming back.

BH, it’s a portender that more things, more people, will be ‘coming back’ on the Breslov scene, too, so we can all get out of prison with them.

====

For non-Hebrew speakers:

The song is about how the guy wants to stay learning in yeshiva in Jerusalem, and wants to be a real tzaddik, but how the yetzer hara (and his Grandma…) are trying to pull him back to live in Rehovot.

It’s pretty funny, and has a cameo by Rav Arush.

Enjoy!

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Honestly, I totally forgot about it.

With all the craziness going on, and the ‘lockdown’ that makes it seem that days, weeks and months just kind of slide into each other, it’s not always so easy to remember what day of the week it is.

Lucky for me, I had a ‘Na Nach’ show up yesterday – with a couple of his friends – and he’s the one that told me today is Tu B’shvat.

I had a bit of fruit hanging around, some nuts in the cupboard, so we just cut it up and put it out on the table, for an impromptu, very low key ‘Tu B’Shvat’ seder.

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Tu B’Shvat is way more significant, spiritually, than it can appear.

Here we are, in the middle of the winter, when the trees still nearly all look ‘dead’ and leafless and lifeless.

But on the inside?

The sap is rising.

The tree is returning back to life, and getting ready to blossom and bloom.

It may take a few more weeks, a couple more months, but life is returning.

Between here and Pesach, life is returning.

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So take heart, dear readers.

The evil madness we are living through right now isn’t going to continue on forever.

God is great – much, much greater than all of the evil out there.

All this is just a test.

I’m not whitewashing stuff here. There are life and death issues going on all the time, and big decisions to be made with big consequences attached to them.

Each of us has to dig deep, and stop living in denial of the obvious evil that’s squishing out of just about every place right now, both in the public arena and also in our private lives.

But don’t forget, God is great.

And all this can turn around in the blink of any eye.

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Personally, I’m starting to feel happier about the situation than I have done for the last 11 months.

Finally, more and more people are waking up to the fact that the media is bad, the State of Israel – and its institutions – are corrupt and that many of their assumptions were built on false premises.

That’s very good news.

The next stage will be when more and more people start searching for the truth, and start looking for the real tzaddikim, the real leaders, to get behind.

And here too, there’s a lot of movement.

So take heart.

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Sure, right now everything looks gloomy, grey, dead and lifeless.

On the outside.

But hidden away inside, redemption is rising with the sap.

And BH very soon, it will start to bud and blossom.

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Last year, one of my friends put out a film called ‘Talking to God’.

I saw it and liked it a lot, and she asked me if I could put some links to it here, for anyone who wants to download it.

(The film is about a woman, FYI, for shmirat eynayim people).

For some reason, I can’t get the trailer to load here on the site, but here’s where you can see it yourself:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sM6ZrPJN2Wk&feature=youtu.be
Here’s how to watch the film:
In Israel can only be seen on iTunes and here’s the link ( There’s a button for Hebrew subtitles FYI):
https://itunes.apple.com/il/movie/talking-to-god/id1536856963
From the US here’s the link to watch:
Enjoy!
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https://www.rivkalevy.com/the-tree-of-mercy/

A couple of days ago, I was having a chat with my friend S.

We were talking about her sudden realisation that there is a ‘parallel universe’ going on in the world, that is not at all soft and fluffy, and that is the very antithesis of everything you and I want for the world, and for ourselves, and for our children and grandchildren.

That’s a terrifying thought.

And most people will quickly shut it down and run away from it – unless they are building the capacity to hold ‘truth’ in their minds and souls via regular talking to God sessions.

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My friend has been doing hitbodedut, on and off, for a while already.

But she said to me:

I don’t get the same sort of ‘messages’ you get from God.

I told her I don’t believe that.

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EVERYONE is getting messages from God all the time, regardless of whether or not they are actually talking to Him every day.

So then we got into a very interesting discussion about what a ‘message from God’ actually is.

My friend asked me to write about it, because she thinks it will help more people out there to take themselves, and their spiritual connection to God, seriously.

So this post is in her zchut.

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Very, very rarely, do I get what most people would think of as a ‘message from God’ in my hitbodedut – i.e. some sort of statement or clearly stated answer to a problem I’m grappling with.

It does happen occasionally, but most of the time, God is actually sending the ‘messages’ via a much simpler route, namely:

Our feelings.

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There has been a war on humanity recognising our true feelings for well over a century.

And probably even longer.

But let’s deal with the most recent bit of this ‘war’ against the part of our soul that goes by the name ruach.

The story starts with the cocaine-using Sigmund Freud.

A lot of the families in Viennese high society were riddled with horrible, unspeakable acts of child abuse and incest.

When Freud started psychoanalysing his patients, a lot of these disturbing memories and stories started to leak out in those sessions.

At some point, Freud realised that if he pursued this line of action – i.e. openly linking people’s mental issues and soul-disfigurement to all the abuse and trauma they’d suffered in childhood – he would be totally shunned in Viennese society and made persona non grata.

So instead, he took the coward’s way out, and sold out abused children for at least the next 60-70 years, by claiming all these ‘memories’ of terrible child abuse and incest by parents were repressed ‘Oedipal’ tendencies.

In other words, he totally and utterly lied.

And he totally and utterly invalidated these children’s traumatic experiences, and memories and even more crucially, their feelings.

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It’s hard for me to not think that Freud himself must have been morally compromised from the start, to have done that.

But I guess we won’t know until Moshiach comes and shows us exactly what’s been going on.

What is beyond a doubt is that the ‘legacy’ of Freudian psychoanalysis has led to some of the worst crimes against humanity being covered up and repressed for well over a hundred years.

It’s a classic ‘gas lighting’ tactic of narcissistic abusers to keep telling their victims that they can’t trust their own memories, their own experiences, their own minds, their own feelings.

And Western society has been built on a paradigm that encourages parents to ‘socialise’ their children out of feeling what they really feel, and out of trusting themselves on a deep soul level.

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Modern society shames people – especially women – for feeling.

It calls us names like ‘over-emotional’, and ‘weak’, and even ‘bi-polar’ and ‘clinically-depressed’ – when really, all these feelings we have, some of which can sometimes be overwhelming and debilitating, are just reactions to things we are experiencing in the world.

Clinically depressed people have ALWAYS had some sort of severe emotional neglect and / or abuse in the past, usually from a parent in a childhood, and especially from a mother.

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Clinical depression is just an extreme form of the FREEZE response to being placed under chronic or acute stress. 

And as such, it’s a perfectly ‘normal’ reaction, albeit not a pleasant or useful one.

No-one’s ‘brain is broken’.

Once people understand that all of their emotional states – even extreme ones – contain messages from God about what they need to deal with, recognise, work on, change or accept, the ’emotional state’ itself gets way, way easier to work with and tame.

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Same with things like ADD – which is just an extreme FLIGHT response to acute or chronic trauma.

Give me any ‘mental health issue’, and I guarantee it’s rooted in some sort of unpleasant experience, or experiences, or fear, or ‘stress’, that the person’s primitive brain is reacting to.

(If you’re interested, I wrote a whole book on how the stress response reacts in different people, called People Smarts, which you can find on Amazon HERE.)

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The point being, that God uses our feelings to communicate some very important messages to us.

For example, so many of my ‘messages’ come from a feeling I have that something is not quite right with a certain picture, or person.

In the past, when my ‘BS-O-Meter’ would start to ping off, I would often just try to ignore it or bury it. I’d been socialised by society to keep talking to creeps and yucky people even when they were making me uncomfortable.

That put me into some very vulnerable positions, because the ‘difficult characters’ out there quickly recognise when they are dealing with someone who can’t stand up for themselves when they need to – and that’s when life can get very unpleasant, very quickly.

Now, when it dings off, I pay very careful attention to it.

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In my hitbodedut, I’ll go back in and I’ll try to figure out why a certain something, a certain someone, is making me feel stressed, unhappy, nervous, angry, on edge – whatever it might be.

I can’t always pin it down – and it’s not always the other person’s problem, either, sometimes they are just triggering something that is entirely my issue to deal with.

But the point is, that God is sending me that ‘feeling’ as part of a message that needs to be decoded and analysed.

Once I learned to start respecting my own feelings, and to give them the ‘space’ they needed for me to really know what it was I was actually feeling, my extreme mood swings pretty much disappeared overnight.

Now, I have no problem standing up for myself against all the creepy, yucky people out there, and as a result, my life is way less complicated and much, much happier than it used to be.

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But ‘feeling’ messages can also work in a positive way, too.

When I didn’t know anything about the Rav, Rabbi Berland, for example, my starting point was a feeling that something was ‘off’ in all the reporting about him.

I couldn’t put my finger on it exactly, but it just didn’t feel right.

That’s when I started doing my own research to see what was really going on, and that’s when I started to unpick the whole, sordid story of how the Rav had been framed by the same evil people who are now pulling the ‘COVID-19’ con trick on us all, via the media.

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But even when I had a bunch of information that seemed to show the Rav was totally innocent of any of the charges that had been fabricated against him, I still took a few months to really work through what my soul was telling me about him.

When I thought about the Rav, what was the feeling I got?

Calm and happy, or uneasy and anxious?

Time and time again, when I explored my real feelings in hitbodedut, I got the ‘calm and happy’ vibe back.

That’s what gave me the courage to cautiously approach the Rav more, and to risk being more part of his community.

But even then, anytime I got even a whiff of the BS-O-Meter going off, I stopped to explore it in my hitbodedut, and to work out the messages that God was trying to give me.

Not everyone around a True Tzaddik is a true tzaddik themselves, and yucky people automatically gravitate to positions where they can have a ‘presumption of innocence’ and trust.

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Thank God, really, for all the persecution of Shuvu Banim and the Rav.

Because it smoked out so very many of the ‘yucky’ people, who quickly peeled off and went somewhere else, where they didn’t have the whole world poking holes in their cover stories and actively seeking out their misdeeds and bad middot.

The people who are left are, for the most part, some of the best people in the world.

They are people who have been constantly humiliated and disgraced – and who have continued to stand up for the Rav, and continued to try to do what’s right, even at great personal cost to themselves.

But I digress.

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Most people today have been totally cut off from feeling their own feelings, and owning their own emotions.

We are the ‘Prozac’ generation, who were taught that any feeling that is not fake happy is somehow bad and requires medication.

But all feelings – even ‘bad’ feelings – are actually just messages for us to decode, and clues from Hashem that are being sent to lead us forward in life, somehow.

Feelings are part of the soul level called ruach.

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The soul level associated with the physical body and ‘reptilian brain’ is called the nefesh, or animal soul.

The soul level associated with our mind, higher functioning and connection to God is called the neshama.

And the soul level ‘in between’ these two extremes of ‘animal’ and ‘angel’ is the ruach.

The ruach is the part of the brain that’s actually feeling things.

Then, there’s a fight that goes on between the ‘animal’ brain and the ‘angelic’ brain to frame our feelings correctly.

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When we do hitbodedut regularly – and we try to adopt a more emuna-dik, God-centric approach to life – that strengthens the ‘angel’ brain, and weakens the ‘animal’ brain’s grip on us.

When the ‘angel brain’ is in the driving seat, and ruling over the ‘animal brain’, our extreme emotional states, mood swings and physiological stress responses start to calm down.

BUT ONLY WHEN WE’RE TAKING THE TIME TO ACKNOWLEDGE ANY REAL ‘DANGER’, AND TO NOT JUST PUSH IT UNDER A MENTAL CARPET.

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Let’s use some real-life examples.

If there is a situation or a person that makes you feel very tense – that’s usually a big clue from God that there is ‘something’ there that you are finding threatening or unpleasant.

If you feel wrung-out or down or depleted or ‘missing’ after an interaction, that’s usually a big clue that the other person is sucking way more energy out of you, than they are giving in return. All relationships are give and take, but if you are always the one giving – that’s a problem that needs to be addressed.

For me personally, if I start to feel that someone is trying to manipulate me emotionally with guilt trips or ‘save me’ stories (who aren’t my kids…), I will pull back sharply and put up a barrier.

In the past, I used to feel so bad for other people, I could really get taken advantage of.

Now, when I get that ‘uncomfortable’ feeling in the pit of my stomach, I don’t push it down, I listen to it, and I make a conscious decision whether I still want to engage with the other person, or not. 

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All this stuff is part of the ‘conversation’ I have with God – and of course, with myself.

The last thing I wanted to touch on in this post, is that the concept of da’at, of ‘knowing’, can’t really be translated into words, it has to be experienced.

Sometimes, the da’at you get in hitbodedut, in talking to God, totally transcends even things like ‘feelings’ or ‘thoughts’.

So many times, I find myself knowing something, but without being able to explain how I have that knowledge, or why I know it to be true.

That is also how Hashem gives us messages.

And I think that’s probably the most sublime way, Hashem gives us messages.

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Any one out there can get ‘messages’ from Hashem, starting today.

All that’s required is a bit of patience, a bit of work to reconnect to feelings that may have been in the deep freeze for decades, and a bit of courage to follow the truth and the da’at and the direction you’ll get from shemayim, wherever it might take you.

As the world of lies continues to implode, we will need that strong connection to Hashem to keep going through the darkness, and to discern the real light at the end of the tunnel, when it shows up.

Start small, just five minutes a day.

Or even one minute.

Something.

But also remember that God is talking to us via everyone and everything 24/7, and that we are constantly surrounded by opportunities to get to know Him – and ourselves – better.

Don’t be scared to feel, even if those feelings start off overwhelming and ‘angry’.

They are a part of your ruach – mamash, a part of your soul.

And when you make space for them, and really listen to the messages they contain, you’ll see how fast your life starts to transform for the better, and how quickly your feelings become your best friends.

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If you want me to try to explain more about anything here, or about other aspects of talking to God, let me know in the comments.

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I know, it’s really heavy right now.

It feels like the whole world is holding it’s breath, waiting to see what will be.

Here is Israel, they’ve started the brainwashing that ‘pregnant women also need to be vaccinated’ – I guess that’s part of the next stage of the medical experiment on humans that Netanyahu is piloting on an unsuspecting population.

One of my readers sent me a link to this story, which states clearly that Israel’s Helsinki Committee has found that this Pfizer vaccine roll-out is definitely a medical experiment on humans.

And so, they should have asked permission (at least….) before giving it, never mind trying to make it mandatory.

Legally, that makes what is going on here illegal, according to international law.

But since when did that stop any of these people from doing any of the yucky things they are up to?

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You know what keeps me going?

My hour of daily hitbodedut, where God calms me down, and gives me guidance on what I should really be working on, worrying about, and praying for.

Last week, I got the steer to get on with more of the Rav’s books, after a 5 months hiatus.

Baruch Hashem, just yesterday the latest book in the ‘Prayers’ series came out, and you can now buy it on Amazon (hard copy only, for now) HERE.

That’s good news, and it’s changing the whole picture.

Even if we can’t really see it still, right now.

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Let me cut and paste this here, again, as it’s SO IMPORTANT to understand what’s really going to tip the balance here, between the forces of good and evil:

The Rav’s books and prayers are totally connected to getting geula the sweet way.

Back in May 17, 2020, the Rav contacted one of his senior pupils and asked him to publicize a message in his name that:

“There are such great dinim (harsh judgments) and tumah (spiritual impurity) in the world, but my books and my writings, the Torah and the prayers, are cleaning and purifying all the judgments and the tumah from the world.”

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Armilus and Moshiach ben Yosef are currently fighting it out.

There is no question that ‘Armilus’ – that smarmy, horrible scumbug, who sold us all out for a billion silver pieces in his Panamian bank account – is going to lose.

But, we also don’t want to lose ‘Moshiach ben Yosef’ in the process, God forbid, and so we have to continue to do our part to give the forces of ‘good’ the spiritual koach required to keep going.

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That means saying the Tikkun Haklali regularly, maybe at least once a day.

That means saying the new set of tehillim Rav Berland revealed, as per the infographic below:

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And it also means getting as much of the Rav’s Torah, teachings and prayers around as possible.

So, go HERE to buy the new book of prayers for Shalom Bayit (peace in the home).

And go HERE, if you want to get the rest of the Rav’s books for free – because clearly, this was never about promoting the Rav’s stuff to make some money.

Ha!

That’s the funniest thing I’ve typed in a long time.

I still don’t know if I’ve even covered just the layout costs of maybe three of the books yet…

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All this is just about bringing geula quickly, and the sweetest way possible.

And YOU are a big part of that.

Yes, YOU!

I know, we all feel so insignificant, powerless and helpless right now.

Honestly?

If we aren’t connecting somehow to the Rav, that’s exactly what we are.

But if and when we connect in to the effort being conducted by the Tzaddik HaDor – that’s when all the prayers, all the mitzvahs, all the yearning start to ascend, and to really turn things around for the good.

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S0, yalla.

I can’t see this process getting easier, unless more of us get the message about getting behind the Rav.

And with Biden apparently set to take over the White House tomorrow (barf, barf) – well.

This process could still get even more ‘interesting’.

And who has the koach for that?

No-one.

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PS: With all the ‘hype’ about aliens going into overdrive, I thought you might want to remind yourself why ‘aliens’ don’t exist, and how all the ‘UFO’ sightings are just off-the-record, clandestine projects funded by corrupt spy agencies and the US military, who just took over on the nazi science where the Third Reich left off.

You can read more about all this below: