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Well, it’s never dull.

Yesterday, I got an email from a lady in Israel called Alix Aharon, who runs The Gender Mapping Project site, asking me if I knew that the book ‘I am Jazz‘ had been translated into Hebrew.

What’s ‘I am Jazz?’

I wondered to myself. I sent a few more emails to Alix, and within half an hour, I had the answer to that particular question – but about four million others to ask.

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First, I have to admit to really not knowing a lot about all the reality TV shows of sadly dysfunctional and mentally-ill people that today passes for ‘entertainment’.

Maybe in a kinder past, parents and communities would huddle around to give these suffering souls in our midst some real love, concern and attention, instead of encouraging them to ‘bare their souls’ for the voyeuristic public.

But today, the whole world seems to have turned into Barnum’s ‘Greatest Show in Earth’.

Except today, ‘The Bearded Lady’ would be diagnosed as ‘trans’ and encouraged to get started on Puberty Blockers and scheduled for a radical mastectomy….

But while some things have changed,  the motive is still exactly the same:

“According to his critics, [Barnum’s] personal aim was “to put money in his own coffers.” He is widely credited with coining the adage “There’s a sucker born every minute“.

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Anyway, let’s get back to ‘I am Jazz’ in Hebrew – and why that’s such a problem.

Here’s a screenshot of the book’s description, on Steimatzky HERE:

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English translation:

Ever since she was a child, Jazz knew she had a girl’s brain in a boy’s body.

She loved the pink colour and dressing up as the Little Mermaid, and didn’t feel like herself in boy clothes. I Am Jazz tells the story of a trans girl in a simple and clear way that everyone will love – children, parents and teachers – and is based on the life of Jazz Jennings, who has become a spokesperson for trans and trans children all over the world.

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Somewhere in the back of my mind, I remembered someone telling me about ‘Jazz Jennings’.

He’s a boy, whose pushy, crazy mother decided was ‘trans’ while he was still in diapers, and that this poor ‘trans’ kid Jazz Jennings should be the star of his own TV show, as he ‘transitioned’ from boy to girl….

My friend told me that by the end of the second series, it was already clear that the ‘happy ever after’ ending was NEVER going to happen for Jazz Jennings, because all the experimental surgery and radical hormone therapy and other drugs he was on (like permanently, for the rest of his life…) had left him with a number of really serious physical health issues, and also tons of mental and emotional health problems including serious depression.

My friend told me she felt so sorry for this kid, whose crazy mother had pushed him to become a reality TV ‘spokesperson for trans and trans children all over the world.’

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I do a quick search for ‘Jazz Jennings’ to see whatever happened to that poor, child-abused boy, whose parents ‘decided’ he was trans when he was just two years old, and I get to this, from the GatewayPundit site HERE:

The parents of Jazz Jennings, a man who was ushered into the national spotlight as a transgender activist at the age of 7, “fat-shame” and chastise their self-proclaimed mentally ill son in the upcoming season of “I am Jazz.”

In a trailer promoting the 7th season of the reality series, Jennings reveals he has gained over 100 pounds amid his ongoing struggle with mental health and being mocked and ridiculed by his family.

There is no happy ending for these ‘trans’ children, no matter all the propaganda they are constantly churning out aimed at our children – and now in Hebrew!!!

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Some old-time children’s entertainer ‘Doda Tzipi’ – who I’ve never heard of, honestly, but who is apparently very popular in Israel – just posted up a video to her Facebook page of her reading ‘I am Jazz’ to her little grandchild, and cooing over how wonderful the book is.

Really?

Are there really sane people out there, who can’t wait for their children and grandchildren to ‘switch gender’ so they too can go through the sort of hellish existence being experienced by ‘Jazz Jennings’, who effectively got ‘sterilised’ by their ‘trans-gender’ surgery and drugs, is clinically depressed – and now also obese, on top of everything else?

Really?

The mind boggles.

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If this post stopped here, that would be bad enough.

But if you can believe it, I think it gets even worse.

Let me introduce you to ‘Shuli Elisheva’, a man who apparently believes he’s a modern-orthodox woman, who is writing barely-disguised trans porn explaining his ‘journey’ for a site that is pretending to be for orthodox Jewish women, called ‘Unorthoboxed’.

Here he is:

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Ladies, think of Shuli as a diet-aid – one glance, and he totally puts you off your breakfast!

So anyway, I got to this guy via THIS article on the GenderMapping website, snippet below:

Since 2019, a man named Samuel “Sam” Zerin (aka Samatha Zerin, aka Shuli Elisheva) has”identified as a woman.” More recently, he has also decided he is specifically an Orthodox woman. This is even though he does not practice Orthodox Judaism and is a man and can’t change his biological sex no matter what Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity (SOGI) activists say….

Yet, with the support of LGBTQI+ activists, advocacy organizations, and a platform provided by an online publication supposedly by and for Orthodox women called “Unorthoboxed,” Shuli has launched a campaign to push himself into Orthodox Jewish women’s spaces.

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(Warning: this article contains screenshots of a lot of Zerin’s frankly pornographic musings, so I would advise to skip it. That’s just one of the problems with this topic, and with these people – they m’teimah everything and everyone they come into contact with.)

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It just gets worse and worse.

I google ‘Samuel Zerin’, and I immediately get to about 4,000 articles in all the usual Jewish propaganda machines, like the JTA, the Jpost, and all the rest of them.

Guess what I learned (from HERE)?

‘Samuel ‘Shuli Elisheva’ Zerin’ is (or at least, was….) married, and has a child.

He’s married to Rachel Zerin, who is:

[T]he associate rabbi at Temple Emanu-El, a Conservative congregation in Providence, Rhode Island.

Samantha Zerin had looked into whether there were any other spouses of congregational rabbis who transitioned whom she could contact for support. She wasn’t able to find any.

Well, duh!

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Go read the full story on the JPOST – especially if you’re trying to lose some of that post-Pesach weight – because I want you to understand 100%, that ‘Shuli Elisheva’ is NOT, and never will be, a ‘modern orthodox woman’.

Here he is, reading a children’s story in Yiddish from 2014, with a full, bushy beard:

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So, what is he doing as a columnist on ‘Unorthoboxed’?

(Apart from the obvious, i.e. acting as yet another Frankist-funded Trojan Horse, to try and ‘push’ all their mentally-ill, anti-Torah agendas into our mainstream Jewish communities, under the guise of more ‘equality’?)

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I asked Alix Aharon if she knew who was funding ‘Unorthoboxed’, that says this about itself, on its Home Page:

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Because, you know, you can just ‘self-define’ yourself as anything these days….

‘Unorthoboxed’s editor is one ‘Penina Taylor’ – a secular American Jew who became an evangelical xtian at age 16, and even joined the Billy Graham Project as a missionary, before moving to Baltimore to try to ‘infiltrate’ the local Jewish community there.

According to Penina’s own story – watch below, or read it HERE – the local Chabad rabbi of Park Heights, Baltimore, R’ Elchonon Lisbon, encouraged her and her four children to keep coming to his shul, even when he knew she and her husband were active missionaries.

Snippet from the Chabad.org site HERE:

In 2000, they purchased a home in Baltimore’s Orthodox neighborhood with the hope they would evangelize Jews. But when she started talking to people about Christianity, they were not responsive. One Shabbat a Lubavitch rabbi came over to their home and insisted that though her beliefs were not Jewish, she and her children were. He urged them to continue attending his synagogue.

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Let’s park that part of the story, at least for now, and come back to how Penina Taylor can claim to be editing an orthodox magazine for ‘modern orthodox women’ while still pushing anti-Torah, pornographic ‘trans’ propaganda written by a man who is married to a female ‘rabbi’.

With permission, let me quote something from an email Alix sent me:

The story about Shuli is important.

There are many men online who wear sheitels and stockings and pretend to be women, but being involved in an online magazine for Jewish women is particularly offensive.

Especially when I warned Penina in writing several times that Shuli’s delusions about his body come from a pornographic fantasy and a sexual dysfunction. Every Jewish woman who is forced to read Shuli’s online pornographic fantasies in a Jewish womens magazine have, in my opinion, been the victim of a sexual crime.

We are living in a world where Penina’s actions go unquestioned, but me, the women’s rights activist in the Jewish community, is called a hateful bigot by other orthodox women!…

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I’ve spoken to many people about Penina.

Rav Menken of the Coalition of Jewish Values was blown away by my reporting of her, as she is someone who is pretty respected.

For context, I contacted her asking to meet with me online so I could explain to her why this man is dangerous- instead of listening to my concerns, she ran away from my questions.

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If you’ve been following this blog for a while, you’ll already know that I put a lot of effort into trying to figure out who is funding all this stuff – as that usually tells you 99% of what you need to know, about where it’s really coming from.

So, I headed over to the ‘Unorthoboxed’ Twitter feed, to see if I could get some more clues there.

That’s where I trip over Unorthoboxed ‘Ask the Rabba’ section:

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It’s bigging up a ‘female orthodox rabba’ – whatever that’s meant to mean – called Melissa Scholten-Gutierrez.

Within 3 seconds of googling her name, I get to this, from HERE:

Snippet:

This weekend I participated in the National Council of Jewish Women’s Repro Shabbat initiative, advocating for the protection of all people of faith to practice their religions freely.

Any law that limits a person’s ability to access abortion or reproductive health services limits their ability to practice their faith, and thus violates the First Amendment’s protections of separation of church and state.

As a Jewish leader, I have a platform to show that religious communities can be loving and welcoming to anyone who has, or may ever, terminate a pregnancy.

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Sigh.

This Scholten-Gutierrez apparently got her smicha as ‘an orthodox rabbi’ from a place called YESHIVAT MAHARAT.

Screenshot:

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Avi Weiss is the founder of the so-called ‘Open Orthodoxy’ movement, which you can read more about – as a diet aid! – HERE.

And even without looking at the donors, I already know that ‘YESHIVAT MAHARAT is another ‘pretend orthodox Trojan Horse’ in our Jewish community, funded by the usual Frankist-Freemasons.

But here, let me prove that:

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Notice all the ‘Jewish Womens’ Foundation’ funders?

This screenshot comes from the NYC branch – who can’t even write ‘HISTORY’ anymore:

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Notice that ‘Bela K Lindenbaum’?

This snippet comes from her Wikipedia page:

Lindenbaum, her husband Marcel, and Shlomo Riskin co-founded Midreshet Lindenbaum, a post high school institute in Israel for students which combines service in the Israeli Defense Forces with religious studies.

She served as a founding board member of Yeshivat Maharat, on the Board of Directors of Yeshivat Chovevei Torah, a board member of Yeshiva University, President of the American Friends of Bar-Ilan University, a board member of Ramaz Day School, a past president of the Drisha Institute of Jewish Education, and a President and Vice President of the Jewish Orthodox Feminist Alliance.

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Remember how Shlomo Riskin was also pushing that ‘orthodox female rabbi’ Mirvis in Efrat, too?

Always the same people, always the same modus operandi.

From past experience, I can tell you that ‘ortho fems’ are nearly always being funded – lavishly – by Frankist-Freemasons with a not-so-hidden agenda to ‘shatter orthodoxy’.

Here’s another screenshot of more YESHIVAT MAHARAT funders:

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Hey, it’s our good friends (connected to child trafficker and woman abuser Jeffrey Epstein…) The Wexner Foundation!

You hopefully get the point.

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So, what do we do about all this?

The first thing is just to follow the principle of KNOW THINE ENEMY.

Anything ‘ortho-fem’, anything ‘open orthodox’, anything pushing the trans agenda in any way, shape or form – these things are being funded by people who are dedicated to and obsessed with uprooting the Torah, and Torah-based morality.

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The second thing is to start to PUSH BACK.

You can write to Penina Taylor HERE.

Please ask her who is funding her publication; why she has a trans man who is not an orthodox Jew – at all – writing porn for her readers; and why she’s pushing ‘ortho-feminist rabbas’ who just lurve abortions on her readers, all while pretending to be a publication for ‘orthodox women’.

Also, as parents, as believing Jews, we have to start standing up for what is right, and stop being steamrollered by narcissist snowflakes with radical agendas to turn our children against themselves – and against God.

And against us, their parents.

I am totally not politically correct, and when people start trying to spout their ‘PC’ rubbish, I challenge it hard and fast.

Because I know what’s really at stake.

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The third thing is to pay a visit to that Gender Mapping Project site, HERE, and start to get more educated about what is going on with this ‘trans’ agenda in the Jewish community.

If you have children who are being confused by all the propaganda – or know someone who is in that position – this site was created to try to support parents, to stand up and defend the rights of their children to grow up sound in body and mind, without being ‘brainwashed’ by an industry bent on making a lot of money out of teenagers’ natural confusions and issues.

People like Alix are working very hard to bring more parents together, to stop this ‘trans propaganda’ in the Jewish community in its tracks.

With God’s help.

Let me leave Alix with the last word, about why we have to start getting involved with this issue, even though I know so many of us find it so hard to deal with, on so many levels:

We recently spoke to an Israeli father in New York whose daughter committed suicide after taking hormones and removing her breasts.

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That poor man.

His poor daughter.

Enough is enough.

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The sun is shining here in Jerusalem, the birds are tweeting, my neighbor is fixing up their house….

What could be wrong in the world?

The honest answer is: nothing and everything.

In my bit of reality right now, life is really good, Baruch Hashem.

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Sure, I still have issues and challenges.

I still have a lot of things to pray for, and about.

I still spent the two days of chag / Shabbat totally wiped out, reading in bed, because I was feeling ‘irradiated’ – just getting weirdly ‘hot’ for a minute, every half an hour or so, and then feeling exhausted with a strange headache.

But overall…. Baruch Hashem, life is good.

And anytime it isn’t, I just start doing more tikkun haklalis again, or I go walk to the Kotel for a pray, or I go and pray with Rav Berland’s community on Ido HaNavi street, or I pay another pidyon nefesh, or I do more hitbodedut, to try and figure out what it is I need to work on, accept, or change.

Those are my good, holy pigeons, coming home to roost now.

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Over Pesach, we got to catch up with a lot of family members from chul who haven’t been allowed into Israel for over two years, thanks to the Covid regulations.

It was great to see them – and also so interesting to see how the ‘pigeons coming home to roost’ for others are not exactly the same sort I have building their nests on my Jerusalem windowsills.

For example, my brother from London told me that the LGBT-whatever campaign in the orthodox Jewish community there is already yielding masses of bitter fruit.

He has friends who enthusiastically welcomed gay couples to their Shabbos table, and were thrilled when posters of Chief Rabbi Ephraim Mirvis telling students ‘it’s ok to be gay’ went up all over supposedly ‘orthodox’ high schools like JFS.

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Before we continue, here’s some highlights from Ephraim Mirvis’s career to date, from Wikipedia HERE:

As Chief Rabbi of Ireland and before the opening of an Israeli Embassy in Ireland, he represented Israel’s interests at government level and in the media….

In 2016, Mirvis launched the ‘In Good Faith’ programme, in partnership with Justin Welby, the Archbishop of Canterbury. The initiative is a way of bringing Anglican and Jewish clergy together so that they might encourage their respective congregations to work on interfaith projects together….

In September 2018, Mirvis issued a guide on the well-being of LGBT+ pupils in Orthodox Jewish schools.

The guide was the first of its kind anywhere in the world. It upheld the traditional prohibitions against the act of homosexuality, he then added extremely controversial views which caused uproar across the Orthodox spectrum and caused him to banned from several mainstream Orthodox events by making it clear that the Torah still demands “sensitivity to the feelings of everyone, including LGBT+ people” and that there should be a zero-tolerance approach to either homophobic or transphobic bullying or disregard for their wellbeing…

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When JFS got a bad OFSTED report from the UK government, they brought in an ‘OFSTED expert’ to help them do better.

That OFSTED inspector put big, colouful posters of Ephraim Mirvis up all over the school, telling the students ‘it’s ok to be gay’.

And encouraged JFS to start actively teaching the students about how it’s great, wonderful, amazing!!!! to be ‘gay’ – graphically, in the classroom.

And then hired a bunch of ‘trans’ teachers who the poor students now have to address as ‘Mx’ (pronounced ‘micks’).

And if they dare to say ‘miss’ instead of ‘Mx’, they get the full lecture about their lack of respect and tolerance for others….

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So anyway…

My brother now knows of at least two people in his close circle with young teenage children who are officially ‘trans’.

Not even ‘gay’ – which would be difficult enough – but ‘trans’.

At the age of 14.

And the parents are not at all happy about it.

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Then, we found out another – not at all ‘frum’ – cousin of ours, aged 17, is already the proud owner of a tattoo, and planning to get more.

Her mum took her to get it.

But apparently, students in ‘Jewish orthodox’ schools in the UK are already ‘inking themselves’ anyway, giving themselves amateurish – and permanent!! – tattoos by pricking the skin with needles, then pouring ink into the open wounds, like they used to do in the good old days.

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And let’s be honest, that the situation is not wildly better even in Israel.

Even in Jerusalem.

Both my kids went through the ‘dati leumi’ education system here, from the age of 4 on.

One of them told me that out of all her wide group of friends, her and one other are the only ones who still believe in God.

And the ‘gay’ thing is happening all over the place here, too.

I found that out by accident, when there was a discussion going on between my kids in Hebrew about how many ‘Yehudits’ they know are now lesbians, when they didn’t realise I was understanding every word.

What, even THAT Yehudit?! I asked my daughter, who quickly tried to change the subject, because that Yehudit’s mum still doesn’t know that her daughter’s social media profile is a picture of her and her girlfriend….

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Before anyone rushes to call me a bigot, or a ‘hater’, I had three young women at my Rosh Hashana table who I knew were gay, and who had no-where else to go for the chag.

I told my daughter they could come if they would respect my family’s sensitivities on the subject, and keep any discussion of ‘gay life’ firmly to themselves, because respect is a two-way street.

They did that, and we all got along fine.

There is a difference between caring for another person, another Jewish neshama, and accepting all the manifestly evil ‘gay propaganda’ being shoved down everyone’s throats.

(Which is the point I made to my kid when she got a little upset with that conditional approach, that at the end of the day, the people who were willing to share their homes for Rosh Hashana with these girls, tachlis, were orthodox Jews, and not LGTB-whatever advocates….)

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For a moment, let’s brush aside all the propaganda about people being ‘born gay’, and let me tell you what I’ve been observing myself, about all the ‘gay people’ I know personally, directly and indirectly.

Every single one of them comes from a super-dysfunctional family home.

Most of them underwent severe abuse and trauma by close family members.

While others experienced their parents horrible shalom bayit problems, including violent arguments and divorces.

Again, remember that I’m talking about people who come from families who are supposedly, externally ‘frum’.

But clearly, something has gone very wrong in this picture.

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Sometimes, it’s been such a struggle to hang on to my emuna, over the last couple of decades.

Sometimes, it’s been so hard to hang on my relationship with my kids, and to keep picking things up and working on mending and fixing the relationship – which really boils down to me acknowledging and trying to fix my own bad middot.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt overwhelmed by all my problems, both externally, but also and especially internally, as I really battled to treat my kids with compassion and understanding, instead of just flaring straight up into self-righteous rage and anger.

It has been anything but easy.

And there were days, and weeks and months, when I really questioned myself so much, whether my approach was actually correct, and whether I shouldn’t have tried to ‘lay down the law’ more with my kids.

Now, God is showing me more and more how patience, compassion and prayer was and is the way to go.

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I can guarantee you, that most of the parents in the so-called frum world have no idea what is really going on in their children’s lives today.

I can guarantee, that most of my kid’s friends’ parents have no idea that their kids don’t really believe in God anymore; or have a nasty nicotine habit; or a predilection for cocaine; or are ‘gay’; or promiscuous.

Because you have to make a very safe space for your child to tell you what’s really going on in their lives, warts n’all, and so many parents in the frum world especially just don’t want to hear anything that could damage the picture-perfect ‘appearance’.

Again, I understand that.

Hearing these things are really, really hard, and sometimes, I feel so overwhelmed by all the ‘bad’ going on out there, I don’t really know how to handle it myself.

That’s when I go back to my routine described above:

I just start doing more tikkun haklalis again, or I go walk to the Kotel for a pray, or I go and pray with Rav Berland’s community on Ido HaNavi street, or I pay another pidyon nefesh, or I do more hitbodedut, to try and figure out what it is I need to work on, accept, or change.

Because what else can I really do?

The world is such a mess right now.

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Until recently, I had a big shopping list of ‘requirements’ for the sort of person I wanted my daughters to marry.

They should be religious…

They should appreciate Breslov teachings….

They shouldn’t smoke…..

They shouldn’t be ‘vaccinated’ with Covid 19 nanotech….

At this point, I am understanding that in our days, the list of requirements is actually very, very small:

They should have a truly kind heart, and be truthful, and treat my children kindly and with consideration and respect.

At this point, dayenu.

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Rabbenu teaches that by rights, all the ‘good’ in the world will eventually find its way to him, to the Breslov path.

And until it gets there… I’m just going to continue praying for my kids, and whoever they marry, and paying pidyonot over to Shuvu Banim, and working on my own bad middot and lack of emuna.

There is nothing else I can do, anyway.

And that stuff works.

It really works.

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In the meantime…. I got motivated to continue uncovering all these spiritual fakers posing as our ‘chief rabbis’, and ‘religious leaders’, who are really just hell-bent on destroying us and our children’s mental and spiritual health.

Today, I’m diving back into the Sabbatian-Frankist parsha again, as God sent me a whole bunch more information to share about who these people really are, and what they are really doing in our communities.

Not for the first time, I am so grateful that all those years’ ago, Lazer Brody started up his ‘Lazer Beams’ blog in English, and opened up the world of Rabbenu and Breslov to me and my husband.

I’m so grateful, that God took us on a path that included R’ Shalom Arush, R’ Ofer Erez, and now, Rav Eliezer Berland.

Honestly, it has not been an easy path to tread, especially before we got to Rav Berland, and his ability to ‘sweeten’ so many of the harsh things, for his followers.

But now, more and more, all those holy, good pigeons are coming home to roost.

And I can see God’s hidden hand in so much of what we had to go through, to get to where we are today.

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PS: On Ephraim Mirvis’s Wikipedia page, it also says this:

His nephew Shlomo Mirvis is married to Shira Marili Mirvis, the first woman to serve as the spiritual leader of an Orthodox synagogue in Israel.

If you click on that link, you eventually get to the page of the ‘Shirat Ha-Tamar’ congregation in Efrat, Gush Etzion, where Shira Mirvis is the ‘rabbi’, HERE.

Screenshot below:

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You can get to the ‘Honey Foundation for Israel’ homepage HERE.

Here’s a screenshot:

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Here’s the person who is meant to be funding the Honey Foundation:

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Another snippet about him from HERE:

The Lipseys are longtime members of Congregation Agudath Israel in Caldwell, where Bill Lipsey served as synagogue president; he has also sat on the executive committee of the Masorti Foundation for Conservative Judaism in Israel.

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So, Shirat HaTamar is NOT an orthodox synagogue, despite all the PR.

It’s just another Masorti / Conservative-funded trojan horse in the orthodox Jewish community, using ‘women’s lib-tards’ to try to ‘shatter orthodoxy’.

At this point, I’m almost certain Lipsey is just a ‘front man’, or cut-out, for all of this, and that the same people who are funding Reform / Conservative / Masorti, the New Israel Fund and all the rest of the ‘anti-Torah’ agitation in the Jewish world are also behind ‘The Honey Foundation in Israel’, too.

Just they switched the name, to make it easier for people still pretending to be ‘orthodox Jews’ to get funding from them, without raising too many eyebrows from their congregations, while they ‘shatter orthodoxy’ from within.

Always the same people, always the same tactics.

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The last couple of weeks have been pretty challenging for me.

Maybe it was the endless grey skies, cold, snow and rain, which reminded me so much of why I hated living in the eternal drizzle of London.

Maybe, it was all the ‘Covid’ going on.

Not the actual thing itself, which one kid didn’t even notice and the other kid had symptoms for literally two days, but all the ‘testing’ and endless bureaucracy around what is basically a cold or flu, that has been ‘weaponised’ by our evil governments and military, to keep making the cage smaller and smaller.

Maybe, it was my kid trying to get to Uman in the middle of all that, and managing it for a day with her new ‘green pass’, that had cost her so much sweat and effort and prayers – only to be barred from the flight back because the Health Ministry site kept crashing, every time she tried to fill in her ‘entry form’ to Israel.

She called me in tears from Borispol airport in Kiev, 10 seconds after the horrible flight attendants gleefully closed the gate in her face, because she didn’t have the form.

Baruch Hashem, we managed to get her another ticket 4 hours later, and I managed to fill in her form from here, and Baruch Hashem, she managed to get back to Israel OK.

But the whole experience wiped me out for a day – and then made me depressed and angry, that this is the world we live in right now.

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It could be that last bit of ‘stress’ with my daughter in Borispol was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

But for the next two days, I felt like something had really kind of broken down, internally.

My hearing went funny for three days… my mood was pretty sad and despairing… and over Shabbat, the message I got in my hitbodedut is that ‘waiting for all this to change’ is not a good permanent strategy for life.

BH, it will change, BH soon.

But maybe, it won’t?

And if doesn’t change ‘soon’, or doesn’t change ‘fast enough’ for me to be able to ‘hold on’ – then what?

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The answer I got back has a lot of different parts to it:

  1. I have to start living my life for the moment more, and kind of just ‘pretend’ to myself that none of this Covid evil, this 5…G evil, this nanotech evil is really happening, at least some of the time.

That’s actually not easy for me to do, as it’s the ‘fake, superficial, head-in-sand’ approach that usually drives me bonkers. But I realised this week, that personally, I am too far over on the over side of living on my nerves 24/7, and I need to start ignoring more of things that worry me, at least for a few hours a day while I do other things.

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2. I have to start noticing all the tremendous ‘good’ my life still contains.

There is so much that is out of my hands, and beyond my control at the moment.

(Like always….)

But, when I have a good homemade cookie to eat, a nice cup of tea on a cold day, water for a hot shower, mineral water to drink when I’m thirsty, a bed with 4 blankets to keep me warm…. all of these things are actually sources of deep joy and gratitude, if I take the time to notice them.

So, instead of waiting for all the ‘Drs Evil’ to fall, before I’m going to start enjoying my life again, I realise I need to scale back my ambitions, at least for now, and just be grateful for the cookie. And the husband. And the fact I live in Jerusalem. And the fact that my ears cleared up, BH, and I can hear properly again, and that my hands can type, and I have a really good recipe for lentil soup…

It’s the small things like this, that are going to get me back into ‘living my life’ mode.

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3. I need to scale back my internet use, big time.

When your eye starts twitching every time the router turns on at home, that’s probably a good sign that you’re online too much.

BH, I never had a smartphone, so that’s not a problem.

But I’ve still been spending way too much time online – even just typing my own blog, and researching things to write about – and I want to stop that now.

I’m aiming at being online for an hour a day, most days, while Shabbat and Motzash will be totally ‘offline’, with God’s help.

That means I will be less responsive on email, and that the comments will go up slower on the blog.

But that’s ok.

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4. I need to go back to praying with the Rav as much as possible.

On Sunday night, when pieces 1-3 had slotted into place, I felt better – but I still didn’t feel great.

I was still full of fear and worry about what tomorrow is going to bring, and I could feel how that fear and worry was literally making me physically ill, still, from all the stress it brings with it.

So I went to Ido HaNavi street, at 8.30pm, when the Rav davens, to go and say a few tikkun haklalis along with the kehilla.

I got there just as the Rav was coming out, and I shouted out to him in my head Rav, I’m feeling so scared at the moment!!

He did his funny ‘waving the hands thing’, that he often does – and all the fear just disappeared.

For the first time in days, I was breathing easier and not feeling ‘stressed’.

So, I realise I need to go and pray with the Rav as much as I can, and I’m aiming for 4 days a week, with God’s help.

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5. I can’t let ‘fear’ stop me from doing what I’m meant to be doing in the world.

That’s my last realisation – and it’s one that comes around again and again, in the stuff that I write.

If I live in fear, if that fear stops me from truly living my life and doing what God created me to do in the world – I’m more than half-dead already.

What sort of life is that, to let fear dictate your every move?

I have a lot of stuff to get on with right now, that has been scaring me to do.

But, I realise this is a yetzer, and that I need to only fear Hashem, and carry on doing what Hashem wants me to do.

Ein Od Milvado.

No-one can hurt me, if Hashem doesn’t decree it.

And if I’m ‘hurt’, God forbid, it’s ONLY because Hashem decreed it.

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So that’s where I’m holding right now.

I can’t end the evil madness that’s engulfing the planet in the name of ‘Covid 19’.

But I can still pray, cook, appreciate my family, take time off to paint, and start work on the next book.

All these things ARE in my hands.

And the only moment we really have anyway, is NOW.

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As we approach two years of madness, I’m really hoping the end is coming into sight.

Two years stuck in ‘survival mode’, with a house that’s always full of people, because of lockdowns and biduds, and a million other reasons, is not easy for anyone.

So first, I want to salute all the mums out there, who for the last two years have been trying to hold their families together with non-stop mesirut nefesh, cooking, cleaning and trying very hard to have emuna, even when it’s seemed that all hope has gone.

And, I want to thank all the husbands out there, who continued to try to provide for their families, in the face of lunatic bosses demanding ‘injections’; and horrible facemask mandates; and stupid, moronic ‘social distancing’ rules, solely designed to break our spirits and get us to give up and roll over.

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And then, I want to shout out to all our kids.

Those kids who have had to grow up under circumstances that no-one should have to grow up under.

With 5 year olds ‘force masked’ all day; and with toddlers stuck and home for weeks on end because of ridiculous rules that no one believes in, not even the Orwellian Ministry of Health, who is making them up.

And I want to thank all the teens, who spent days, weeks and months cooped up with no-one but their stressed parents for company, and who still kept things together and didn’t totally give up on themselves, or their futures….

Mamash, such a hard test.

For everyone.

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I’m not saying this is ‘over’.

I have no idea if this is really over, and honestly, I know it’s not ‘over’ until we actually get Moshiach and geula, mamash.

But what I AM saying, is that God seems to be giving us at least one more pause for thought right now, as the geula process continues to unfold.

The pressure is coming off (but, the final contraction is still around the corner, make no mistake) – and at least for myself, I’m now finding myself with a bit of time and space to really think about what am I doing with my life?!?!?

Apart from cooking, cleaning, shopping, and just basically trying to hold it together still.

I haven’t had time or space to even approach that question for at least two years.

And now I’m asking it… and I don’t really have an answer.

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For sure, I could try and write more books, but honestly, no-one reads them, so my motivation to keep doing that is a little on the low side, currently.

I could keep trying to crack that ‘Frankist Family Tree’ nut – but honestly? I am SO SICK of poring over the family trees of dead, evil people in the Jewish community, even though I do see the value in piecing that puzzle together, still.

I’m painting new pictures…

I’m still playing my guitar…

At least a couple of days a week, I try to get out somewhere holy like the Kotel, or Kever Shimon HaTzadik, or to the Rav…

But when it comes to answering the bigger question of what am I doing with my life?!?!?

I don’t know what to tell you.

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I’m hanging, on that’s what I’m doing.

I’m still trying to work on my bad middot, and still trying to figure out how to walk that narrow bridge between doing kindnesses for others, and encouraging people to take responsibility for themselves, and their own lives.

But I have to say, I am feeling pretty tired at the moment, of continually writing exposes about what is really happening in our world.

And maybe, the thought is dawning, I don’t have to do so much of that anymore.

Maybe, more people are waking up all by themselves now, and realising that:

  • Covid 19 was a ‘plandemic’ all along
  • The shots are full of GO nanotech that cannot be a good thing for humanity
  • The political process everywhere in the world is totally corrupt
  • The Jewish community has been compromised at every level
  • Rav Berland was framed – using exactly the same techniques we now see playing out in a million different other ‘stories’; and
  • That human health was always far more complex than swallowing down pills, injecting medications and going under the knife.

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I feel like I’ve been arguing with people for the best part of 20 years, ever since we first said we wanted to move to Israel.

Part of me enjoys the cut and thrust of debate, and the pursuit of new information, and welcomes the opportunity to learn and grow – but another part of me is now asking the question:

What comes next?

Because, am I meant to just keep writing about ‘GO nanotech’ for the next 50 years?

Or about how bad Klaus Schwab and 5…G really is?

Or, about how corrupt so much of the Jewish community ‘establishment’ really is?

And if the answer is ‘no’….

Then….what?

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What am I meant to be doing myself instead, if the time for blowing whistles, and waving red flags, and sounding alarms is coming to an end?

Not because the ‘plandemic’ is over yet, because it isn’t.

But because from here on in, anyone with even half a brain cell still functioning can see for themselves, just how broken and ‘bad’ so much of the world really is.

And that process is only going to accelerate, as God starts throwing more and more of ‘the truth’ out there, and turning over more of the stones to expose the swamp-creatures lurking beneath.

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I don’t have an answer.

Like you, I am just trying to live each day as it comes, and to do whatever work God puts in front of me.

Some days, it’s still a huge effort just to keep on top of the washing and to make a good supper for my family, there is no ‘time’ or ‘space’ to ask bigger questions about what I’m meant to be doing with myself.

We will be ‘like dreamers’ when Moshiach comes, we already know that.

And I know I’ve felt stuck in a bad dream for quite a while, even before Covid 19 kicked-off.

I won’t be sorry, when this world of lies finally collapses.

But, I don’t really know what to do with myself, while I’m waiting for that to happen.

Except, wait patiently, pray, and work on accepting that whatever God’s timetable and plan actually is, that’s the best it could be.

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