Posts

I’ve had a couple of emails recently asking me why am I bothering to do all this research.

What’s the point?

Why am I putting so very much time and effort into trying to figure out what happened 300 years ago, and 200 years ago, and 2,000 years ago, in the Jewish community?

There’s a few answers to this question, but the main one is this:

My neshama is pushing me to do this.

====

Believe me, that this is often totally tedious, frustrating work.

Believe me, that if I could just cut loose from this and go and do something that I have a chance of actually completing within, say, the next three years – that would be great.

So, why am I doing this, why am I bothering?

All I can tell you, is that my soul is pushing me to do it.

And whenever I try to give this subject a break, I start feeling some massive internal stress – for no obvious reason – until I return to it.

====

This isn’t the first time I’ve had this.

When I was trying to figure out the Erev Rav stuff, and how the secular description of ‘narcissism’ fitted into it, I experienced something similar.

And then again, when I was trying to figure out how the body, mind and soul really work together, when it comes to health and how we respond to stress and trauma.

And then again, when I started researching all the lies and deception around the persecution of the Rav.

Each time, I had no idea why I was doing what I was doing, or where it was all really going, but in the end, the pieces finally came together, and I could see why God had led me down that path.

I hope that’s going to happen with this real Jewish history stuff too.

BH, soon.

====

We live in the world of lies, don’t you know?

And those lies aren’t just in the parts of the Jewish world that aren’t yours or mine.

They are literally everywhere.

It’s way easier to turn your brain off, and to abdicate your free choice and personal responsibility to an ‘expert’.

But free choice is the whole reason God made us, and created the world.

So, I guess part of this geula process is blowing the comfort zone that has totally deadened our free choice, and our motivation to develop a real relationship with God, out of the water.

It’s un-comfortable all this, I know.

But I think that’s the point.

There are no certainties, nothing is guaranteed.

There is just Hashem, and our connection to Him, to take us forward into the next stage of this process.

====

So, why am I doing all this?

Because that seems to be what God wants from me.

And as soon as He gives me the message that He wants me to stop, I will stop in a heartbeat.

But so far, that’s not happening.

And if anything, I keep getting the steer that I need to get more information out even faster than I’m currently managing it, because it’s important.

More than that, I can’t tell you.

====

You might also like this article:

A couple of days ago, I was having a chat with my friend S.

We were talking about her sudden realisation that there is a ‘parallel universe’ going on in the world, that is not at all soft and fluffy, and that is the very antithesis of everything you and I want for the world, and for ourselves, and for our children and grandchildren.

That’s a terrifying thought.

And most people will quickly shut it down and run away from it – unless they are building the capacity to hold ‘truth’ in their minds and souls via regular talking to God sessions.

====

My friend has been doing hitbodedut, on and off, for a while already.

But she said to me:

I don’t get the same sort of ‘messages’ you get from God.

I told her I don’t believe that.

====

EVERYONE is getting messages from God all the time, regardless of whether or not they are actually talking to Him every day.

So then we got into a very interesting discussion about what a ‘message from God’ actually is.

My friend asked me to write about it, because she thinks it will help more people out there to take themselves, and their spiritual connection to God, seriously.

So this post is in her zchut.

====

Very, very rarely, do I get what most people would think of as a ‘message from God’ in my hitbodedut – i.e. some sort of statement or clearly stated answer to a problem I’m grappling with.

It does happen occasionally, but most of the time, God is actually sending the ‘messages’ via a much simpler route, namely:

Our feelings.

====

There has been a war on humanity recognising our true feelings for well over a century.

And probably even longer.

But let’s deal with the most recent bit of this ‘war’ against the part of our soul that goes by the name ruach.

The story starts with the cocaine-using Sigmund Freud.

A lot of the families in Viennese high society were riddled with horrible, unspeakable acts of child abuse and incest.

When Freud started psychoanalysing his patients, a lot of these disturbing memories and stories started to leak out in those sessions.

At some point, Freud realised that if he pursued this line of action – i.e. openly linking people’s mental issues and soul-disfigurement to all the abuse and trauma they’d suffered in childhood – he would be totally shunned in Viennese society and made persona non grata.

So instead, he took the coward’s way out, and sold out abused children for at least the next 60-70 years, by claiming all these ‘memories’ of terrible child abuse and incest by parents were repressed ‘Oedipal’ tendencies.

In other words, he totally and utterly lied.

And he totally and utterly invalidated these children’s traumatic experiences, and memories and even more crucially, their feelings.

====

It’s hard for me to not think that Freud himself must have been morally compromised from the start, to have done that.

But I guess we won’t know until Moshiach comes and shows us exactly what’s been going on.

What is beyond a doubt is that the ‘legacy’ of Freudian psychoanalysis has led to some of the worst crimes against humanity being covered up and repressed for well over a hundred years.

It’s a classic ‘gas lighting’ tactic of narcissistic abusers to keep telling their victims that they can’t trust their own memories, their own experiences, their own minds, their own feelings.

And Western society has been built on a paradigm that encourages parents to ‘socialise’ their children out of feeling what they really feel, and out of trusting themselves on a deep soul level.

====

Modern society shames people – especially women – for feeling.

It calls us names like ‘over-emotional’, and ‘weak’, and even ‘bi-polar’ and ‘clinically-depressed’ – when really, all these feelings we have, some of which can sometimes be overwhelming and debilitating, are just reactions to things we are experiencing in the world.

Clinically depressed people have ALWAYS had some sort of severe emotional neglect and / or abuse in the past, usually from a parent in a childhood, and especially from a mother.

====

Clinical depression is just an extreme form of the FREEZE response to being placed under chronic or acute stress. 

And as such, it’s a perfectly ‘normal’ reaction, albeit not a pleasant or useful one.

No-one’s ‘brain is broken’.

Once people understand that all of their emotional states – even extreme ones – contain messages from God about what they need to deal with, recognise, work on, change or accept, the ’emotional state’ itself gets way, way easier to work with and tame.

====

Same with things like ADD – which is just an extreme FLIGHT response to acute or chronic trauma.

Give me any ‘mental health issue’, and I guarantee it’s rooted in some sort of unpleasant experience, or experiences, or fear, or ‘stress’, that the person’s primitive brain is reacting to.

(If you’re interested, I wrote a whole book on how the stress response reacts in different people, called People Smarts, which you can find on Amazon HERE.)

====

The point being, that God uses our feelings to communicate some very important messages to us.

For example, so many of my ‘messages’ come from a feeling I have that something is not quite right with a certain picture, or person.

In the past, when my ‘BS-O-Meter’ would start to ping off, I would often just try to ignore it or bury it. I’d been socialised by society to keep talking to creeps and yucky people even when they were making me uncomfortable.

That put me into some very vulnerable positions, because the ‘difficult characters’ out there quickly recognise when they are dealing with someone who can’t stand up for themselves when they need to – and that’s when life can get very unpleasant, very quickly.

Now, when it dings off, I pay very careful attention to it.

====

In my hitbodedut, I’ll go back in and I’ll try to figure out why a certain something, a certain someone, is making me feel stressed, unhappy, nervous, angry, on edge – whatever it might be.

I can’t always pin it down – and it’s not always the other person’s problem, either, sometimes they are just triggering something that is entirely my issue to deal with.

But the point is, that God is sending me that ‘feeling’ as part of a message that needs to be decoded and analysed.

Once I learned to start respecting my own feelings, and to give them the ‘space’ they needed for me to really know what it was I was actually feeling, my extreme mood swings pretty much disappeared overnight.

Now, I have no problem standing up for myself against all the creepy, yucky people out there, and as a result, my life is way less complicated and much, much happier than it used to be.

====

But ‘feeling’ messages can also work in a positive way, too.

When I didn’t know anything about the Rav, Rabbi Berland, for example, my starting point was a feeling that something was ‘off’ in all the reporting about him.

I couldn’t put my finger on it exactly, but it just didn’t feel right.

That’s when I started doing my own research to see what was really going on, and that’s when I started to unpick the whole, sordid story of how the Rav had been framed by the same evil people who are now pulling the ‘COVID-19’ con trick on us all, via the media.

====

But even when I had a bunch of information that seemed to show the Rav was totally innocent of any of the charges that had been fabricated against him, I still took a few months to really work through what my soul was telling me about him.

When I thought about the Rav, what was the feeling I got?

Calm and happy, or uneasy and anxious?

Time and time again, when I explored my real feelings in hitbodedut, I got the ‘calm and happy’ vibe back.

That’s what gave me the courage to cautiously approach the Rav more, and to risk being more part of his community.

But even then, anytime I got even a whiff of the BS-O-Meter going off, I stopped to explore it in my hitbodedut, and to work out the messages that God was trying to give me.

Not everyone around a True Tzaddik is a true tzaddik themselves, and yucky people automatically gravitate to positions where they can have a ‘presumption of innocence’ and trust.

====

Thank God, really, for all the persecution of Shuvu Banim and the Rav.

Because it smoked out so very many of the ‘yucky’ people, who quickly peeled off and went somewhere else, where they didn’t have the whole world poking holes in their cover stories and actively seeking out their misdeeds and bad middot.

The people who are left are, for the most part, some of the best people in the world.

They are people who have been constantly humiliated and disgraced – and who have continued to stand up for the Rav, and continued to try to do what’s right, even at great personal cost to themselves.

But I digress.

====

Most people today have been totally cut off from feeling their own feelings, and owning their own emotions.

We are the ‘Prozac’ generation, who were taught that any feeling that is not fake happy is somehow bad and requires medication.

But all feelings – even ‘bad’ feelings – are actually just messages for us to decode, and clues from Hashem that are being sent to lead us forward in life, somehow.

Feelings are part of the soul level called ruach.

====

The soul level associated with the physical body and ‘reptilian brain’ is called the nefesh, or animal soul.

The soul level associated with our mind, higher functioning and connection to God is called the neshama.

And the soul level ‘in between’ these two extremes of ‘animal’ and ‘angel’ is the ruach.

The ruach is the part of the brain that’s actually feeling things.

Then, there’s a fight that goes on between the ‘animal’ brain and the ‘angelic’ brain to frame our feelings correctly.

====

When we do hitbodedut regularly – and we try to adopt a more emuna-dik, God-centric approach to life – that strengthens the ‘angel’ brain, and weakens the ‘animal’ brain’s grip on us.

When the ‘angel brain’ is in the driving seat, and ruling over the ‘animal brain’, our extreme emotional states, mood swings and physiological stress responses start to calm down.

BUT ONLY WHEN WE’RE TAKING THE TIME TO ACKNOWLEDGE ANY REAL ‘DANGER’, AND TO NOT JUST PUSH IT UNDER A MENTAL CARPET.

====

Let’s use some real-life examples.

If there is a situation or a person that makes you feel very tense – that’s usually a big clue from God that there is ‘something’ there that you are finding threatening or unpleasant.

If you feel wrung-out or down or depleted or ‘missing’ after an interaction, that’s usually a big clue that the other person is sucking way more energy out of you, than they are giving in return. All relationships are give and take, but if you are always the one giving – that’s a problem that needs to be addressed.

For me personally, if I start to feel that someone is trying to manipulate me emotionally with guilt trips or ‘save me’ stories (who aren’t my kids…), I will pull back sharply and put up a barrier.

In the past, I used to feel so bad for other people, I could really get taken advantage of.

Now, when I get that ‘uncomfortable’ feeling in the pit of my stomach, I don’t push it down, I listen to it, and I make a conscious decision whether I still want to engage with the other person, or not. 

====

All this stuff is part of the ‘conversation’ I have with God – and of course, with myself.

The last thing I wanted to touch on in this post, is that the concept of da’at, of ‘knowing’, can’t really be translated into words, it has to be experienced.

Sometimes, the da’at you get in hitbodedut, in talking to God, totally transcends even things like ‘feelings’ or ‘thoughts’.

So many times, I find myself knowing something, but without being able to explain how I have that knowledge, or why I know it to be true.

That is also how Hashem gives us messages.

And I think that’s probably the most sublime way, Hashem gives us messages.

====

Any one out there can get ‘messages’ from Hashem, starting today.

All that’s required is a bit of patience, a bit of work to reconnect to feelings that may have been in the deep freeze for decades, and a bit of courage to follow the truth and the da’at and the direction you’ll get from shemayim, wherever it might take you.

As the world of lies continues to implode, we will need that strong connection to Hashem to keep going through the darkness, and to discern the real light at the end of the tunnel, when it shows up.

Start small, just five minutes a day.

Or even one minute.

Something.

But also remember that God is talking to us via everyone and everything 24/7, and that we are constantly surrounded by opportunities to get to know Him – and ourselves – better.

Don’t be scared to feel, even if those feelings start off overwhelming and ‘angry’.

They are a part of your ruach – mamash, a part of your soul.

And when you make space for them, and really listen to the messages they contain, you’ll see how fast your life starts to transform for the better, and how quickly your feelings become your best friends.

====

If you want me to try to explain more about anything here, or about other aspects of talking to God, let me know in the comments.

====

You might also like this article:

But of course, it doesn’t always feel like that.

Israel is apparently going into another totally unnecessary lockdown from Sunday, and I’m struggling a little to deal with the fact that these evil people are still continuing on with their nefarious agendas.

It’s pretty demoralising.

Not least, the idea that I feel so powerless to stop them, or to do anything that will make a difference.

But really, that’s not true.

====

God is controlling the world.

Only God.

And just as Joseph HaTzaddik ‘unmasked’ himself before the brothers, Hashem will ‘unmask’ Himself from behind all the pain and craziness that’s currently going on, which is really just a test of our middot.

All this cleaning out the pipes, it’s drawing those lines in the sand that start to clearly delineate who is doing what, which side people are really on – the side of truth, or the side of lies – and to encourage all of us to get down to the work of forging a real connection with God.

====

At the same time – I have never found it so hard to do hitbodedut.

I wake up and just stare at the walls for an hour, instead of doing al netilat yedayim and getting on with my prayers and my hour of talking to God.

BH, I still manage to do it at some point in the day, but I know from past experience that when I find it hard to talk to God, it’s because I’m angry at Him.

I’m angry that innocent teenagers are being killed in cold blood by the evil Israeli police.

I’m angry that we’re having to go into yet another lockdown, supported by the usual tissue of propaganda and outrageous lies.

I’m angry that God has let the Jewish people be lead and mislead by a bunch of evil, two-faced narcissists who are really only interested in money and power.

I’m angry that Moshiach isn’t here already, clearing this mess up.

====

That’s my work right now.

To admit I’m angry, and then to take that admission back to God, in hitbodedut, and to try to turn it into emuna and bitul, acceptance of God’s will.

It’s hard.

But that’s the whole point.

====

You might also like this article:

 

A reader asked if I could write a ‘chizzuk’ post.

Honestly, I’d like to do that way more than I do on this blog, but sometimes, it just doesn’t come to me. Especially recently.

But a reader got in touch, and told me they have friends in Israel who recently made aliya, and who are now wondering if they made the right decision, especially with all the revelations about just how corrupt this State really is.

What can I say?

You absolutely made the right decision.

Yes, I know the Kotel is shut to anyone outside the Rova, the holy sites are closed down, Mahane Yehuda is off limits, the beach is shut, and the police are violent thugs and psychopaths who have been trained to hate and attack religious Jews.

Yes, that sucks.

I also know that so many of us are going a little crazy from being ‘locked down’ in small apartments, stuck with our families 24/7 and being forced to wear masks for fear of massive fines.

(And not because we’re scared of a virus that has incontrovertibly killed less people than the common flu.)

But nevertheless, you absolutely made the right decision to move to Israel now.

====

Here’s why:

  1. So many of our true tzaddikim, the people who really know what they are talking about and aren’t confused by what’s going on, have repeatedly told us to make aliya. And top of that list is Rabbi Eliezer Berland.
  2. Israel is still the holy land, and it’s still chock-full of holy Jews. Once more of us holy Jews understand who the real ‘enemy’ is – and that is slowly dawning on more and more of us – things will turnaround here fast, and fundamentally.
  3. Israel is just 3 months ahead of the rest of the world. Whatever is going on here today will be going on by you very soon – except you’ll also have to deal with way more violent non-Jews, and way more toxic anti-semitism, because Jews are a tiny minority in every other country, even the US, whereas here, they are a massive majority. It’s the bad guys here who are the minority, so when things change – as they inevitably will – the majority rule here will be one of kedusha.

And hopefully, also of geula and Moshiach.

====

Nachamu, Nachamu, my people.

Don’t forget that the power of prayer can change everything around, and that our real strength is in our tefilla, not in our hishtadlut.

Turn to God, wherever you happen to be in the world, and beg Him to end all the evil, all the coronafascism, all the madness, and to uncover the lies and help more Jews to make teshuva and return to God, and their true spiritual greatness.

We have been ruled by a small, evil minority of Shabatean ‘crypto Jews’ for approaching three centuries now, who made it a priority to place their people into positions of leadership and power, where they could influence – and ultimately destroy – so much of our kedusha and connection to Hashem.

====

Those people run the State of Israel, it’s true.

But they are to be found all over the world in Jewish leadership positions, and especially amongst the ranks of ‘rabbis’ and communal leaders.

More on this soon, BH.

But the bottom line is, staying out of Israel doesn’t mean you are staying out of the problem.

The ‘problem’ is everywhere.

But at least in Israel, there’s also a few million sincere, believing Jews, too. Like, half the country (at least….) has been to Uman, regardless of how they look externally, and Rabbenu’s Army is a massive force to be reckoned with now.

And don’t forget, that it’s ultimately just God, who is behind all this, because He wants some serious teshuva.

====

So courage!

We are almost at the finishing line.

Anyone who lives in Israel will probably have a much easier time from here on in, as hard as it is, because all the suffering we’ve endured here is ‘sweetening’ things for us in a profound way, as we head into the final lap for geula.

And anyone that doesn’t – you can connect to God from wherever you are, and connect to Rabbenu, and to the Rav, wherever you live.

True, it’s easier – way easier – to do that in Israel. But it’s possible everywhere.

And each one of us that keeps praying, keeps talking to God, keeps asking Hashem to send us geula and Moshiach the sweet way, and keeps working on our own bad middot, is automatically part of Rabbenu’s Army, and part of something way bigger, spiritually, than any of us can really comprehend.

====

I know it’s hard right now.

The light has been so obscured.

But hang on!

It’s all about to turn around.

====

UPDATE:

This from Alizah – thanks!

It’s the follow up to the first video from Rabbi Smith, which you can find HERE (scroll down to the bottom).

You might also like this article:

How do we deal with ‘reality’ without going nuts?

On the last post, one of the commentators, Alizah, asked this:

Rivka, how do we read this without going nuts? Reminds me of something that says at the end the yetzer hara will appear like a mountain to some people and to others like something small.

If we follow your blog it’s enormous. We want to cry.

====

It’s a very good question.

On Shabbat, we were at friends for Friday night, and the conversation turned (as it inevitably does…) to the whole Corona stress we’re all under.

I couldn’t help it.

I tried to explain what’s really going on with all this – how it’s all just part of a deeper ‘depopulation / eugenics’ agenda that’s been in the works for over a century, already – and my host looked at me with a pitying smile.

I’d outed myself as that most lowly of creatures, a conspiracy theorist.

The argument raged on for around two hours, and I realised that the more hard facts and solid information I was throwing at the other people around the table, the more their defenses got entrenched, and the more pointless the whole discussion became.

====

At one point, my host turned to me and said:

Why do we need to know all this stuff? What can we do anyway? Why do you keep looking at all the ‘bad’? We can’t make any difference, and I don’t want to be kept up at night worrying about all this stuff.

The answer to that is really the answer to a lot of other big questions. Here’s what I told him:

====

Truth is God’s seal.

The more ‘truth’ we acknowledge and let in to our lives, the closer it brings us to God.

The more we see how broken this world really is, the more we will start to really yearn and beg for something to change. The more we will yearn and beg for geula, for Moshiach.

The more sincere teshuva we will make.

The more minutes and hours of heartfelt prayer we will engage in, asking God to fix things and to right everything that is so very wrong.

Knowing the truth gives us the motivation we need to really turn to Hashem, and come back to Him wholeheartedly.

====

I guess what I was really trying to tell my host is that I’m not buying into all the yeoush and despairing attitude that says we are nothing, and we can’t do anything to change all this, so why even bother trying to grapple with it?!

The Jewish soul is infinite.

It’s a part of Hashem.

Sure, me by myself I’m totally and utterly nothing and nobody.

I can’t take on the Rockefellers, or Bill Gates, or the corrupt State of Israel.

I know that.

But here’s what I can do:

I can go and pour out my heart to Hashem about all the ‘bad’ that’s going on in the world, and beg Him to fix it, and to fill the world with His light and the light of the true tzaddikim, and to get things to finally all turn around.

That’s all I can really do – but it’s everything.

====

If we believe in the power of prayer, if we believe in the power of the Jewish soul to stir Hashem’s mercy and compassion, if we believe in miracles, and that God is the only force that really exists in the world, then uncovering the ‘bad’ doesn’t scare us and overwhelm us and cause us to go into denial in quite the same way.

It might anger us, upset us, shock us – but it also motivates us to PRAY.

To turn to Hashem and to PRAY.

And that is the true strength and the true power of the Jewish soul, and it’s a power that every single one of us can access and activate.

====

When the Nazis were rising to power before World War II, so many people stuck their head in the sand and whistled.

God won’t let it happen, they said. I trust that God will continue to look after us, they said. I can’t do anything about this ‘bad’ stuff, so I’m just going to pretend it’s not happening, they said.

That was totally the wrong approach.

Rebbe Nachman spoke about the correct way to deal with harsh decrees:

He said:

“[E]ach person must say that the world was only created for his sake, and [the Rebbe said] how every person must endeavor to make up the deficiencies of the world, praying on its behalf – i.e. before the decree [actually materialises].

He also said the following:

“That year [1803] the Rebbe was very preoccupied with the Cantonist Decrees. He was extremely worried about the situation and said they were not an idle threat. He disagreed strongly with the people who were saying nothing would come of it in the end, for how could God do such a thing to the Jewish people?!

The Rebbe said several times that this was nonsense.

We find many occasions when harsh decrees did materialise.

The Rebbe spoke about this a great deal and said that the rumored decrees had to be taken with the utmost seriousness and not be treated lightly. We had to pray and cry out to God, and to be and beseech Him in the hope that He would hear us and annul them….

If only people had listened to his call to set the earth shaking with prayers and appeals to God, these decrees would have been nullified completely!”

(Tzaddik, Conversations Relating to His Lessons, page 132)

====

God forbid, I’m not uncovering this stuff to get anyone down, or add to the despair.

Quite the opposite.

I believe – so strongly! – in the power of prayer.

I believe in the power of a Jewish soul to turn everything around when they partner with Hashem and pray their hearts out.

This stuff scares you? It overwhelms you? It upsets you?

Go talk to God about it, and beg Him to clean up this mess!!!

When you do that, you change everything, literally.

The ‘weapon’ of Jacob is our prayer.

And I’m urging every single one of you to take a deep breath, and go pick it up.

====

Photo by Mockup Graphics on Unsplash

====

You might also like this article:

 

I went to Hevron today, BH.

They closed the road through the tunnels into Gush Etzion, so I had to take the long way around via Beitar. I had a strong urge to go, so I wasn’t going to let a pesky matter like the Israeli police get in the way.

So, I get to Hevron, and I go through the security and up the stairs, and then I find a quiet spot next to the tomb of Yaakov Avinu….and I promptly fell asleep.

That has happened before at Hevron, more than once, so I wasn’t totally shocked when I woke up after half an hour. It’s a known phenomenon by certain kevers, including Rabbi Nachman’s in Uman, that sometimes the kedusha is just so strong that it knocks you out.

====

So, I woke up, and I hear that the wailing woman who was hogging the whole of Avraham Avinu’s room is still wailing…

She was crying melodramatically for at least an hour, which is kind of impressive. Either she was a hidden tzaddeket, or….she really wasn’t.

But it was kind of bothersome to me, so I decided to head downstairs and outside to the ‘7th step’, where there were 3 Breslov guys (you can tell by the payot and the casual dress….) and one Breslov woman, hidden off in the bushes where she was rustling quietly to herself.

I sat down, still feeling out of it, and still finding it pretty hard to say anything to God, and suddenly I noticed how windy it had got. Tikkun HaKlalis started flying all over the place, and the wind was also blowing siddurim off shtenders and onto the floor.

I picked two up, stowed them in the special cupboard for holy books, then decided I would do some writing hitbodedut today, seeing as the speaking hitbodedut was kind of a bust.

In case you don’t know what writing hitbodedut is, that’s where you write down your questions and comments to God, and then just kind of let God guide your pen, for the answers.

So, I got some interesting stuff there in Hevron, and I’m going to share some of it with you, dear reader, below:

====

Q: Why is it so windy, all of a sudden?

A: Change is coming to the world. Good change. Lasting change. Eternal change. It’s v.v.v. close now, not much longer.

[Rav Yehuda Sheinfeld said 2 days ago that we are in the last 9 months of the chevlei Moshiach process.]

Q: When did the 9 months start?

A: With the imprisonment of Rav Berland (February 9th, 2020).

February 9th – May 9th = first trimester

May 9th – August 9th = second trimester

August 9th – November 9th = final trimester

It’s mamash like a pregnancy.

The first 3 months are exciting, scary, debilitating, puke-inducing. Then the next 3 months are semi-normal (up to August 9th). And then, Moshiach can come anytime, and the drama and discomfort are maximized [i.e. in the last trimester].

Tell people to move to Israel. To organize boats and to come via Eilat.

[Then I had a non-sequitur, because the wind had really picked up again, so I wrote: A mini-hurricane is happening around me, in the garden of the 7th step.]

A: DON’T FORGET THE EARTHQUAKE. It’s on the way, and will change the whole picture.

====

Q: Is there a message for my readers?

A: The more people draw closer to the Rav, and learn and disseminate his teachings and prayers, the easier, smoother and faster this next stage will be.

The evildoers have until August 9th to make teshuva from love. Then the gates close.

Don’t fear!

But don’t waste any more time.

====

Now, I’m not saying you should take this as anything except what I wrote down at Hevron.

It’s not nevua, I have no idea how much ‘truth’ it really has in it. At the same time, I live my life according to the principle that EVERYTHING is a message from Hashem in some way, shape or form.

So there’s no reason why there shouldn’t be some ‘message’ hidden in what I wrote down at Hevron, but each person can decide for themselves what that might be, and it’s relevance to them.

The other thing to tell you is that I got a big push to get started on One in a Generation III – which from past experience, means that things are going to start moving again big time… Probably in about a week, once I’ve finished tying up some loose ends and clearing the decks.

We certainly live in interesting times.

Don’t fear!

But don’t waste any more time.

All of us have a lot of work to do, to get geula the sweet way.

====

You might also like this article:

More than anything else, I wanted to run away.

I wanted to pull the plug on all my ‘citizen journalism’, all my attempts to keep telling people what’s really going on with the fake, politically-engineered ‘pandemic’, and all the research and effort and soul power that costs me.

What I wanted to do was basically give up on ‘reality’ as it’s currently playing out, and to just concentrate on getting my Secret Diaries out there – regardless of who reads them – so I could feel I really did accomplish *something* in life, and then just spend the rest of my time gardening and knitting.

That was basically the plan.

But as so often happens, God decided differently.

====

I’m 99% sure that Amazon is about to ban my Secret Diary #2, Questions for God, at least the Kindle version – which is the only way anyone is really buying books these days.

It’s still ‘in review’ – after 3 days – and the last time that happened was when Amazon decided to ban Rabbi Berland’s book of Prayers for Health, which included a tagline for the Coronavirus prayer on the cover.

Amazon being Amazon, they never tell you why they are banning anything, so it was a lucky ‘guess’ with Rav Berland’s book. I switched the cover around a little (after it took me 3 weeks to recover from the disappointment), removed any mention of ‘Corona’, and managed to get it past them that way.

But when it comes to Questions for God?

I have no idea why it appears they want to ban it. So, I have no idea what I can do to get it unbanned. Of course, this all may be premature, we’ll see, but in the meantime I did another six hours yesterday, and a bit more hitbodedut about it all today, too, and the message I got was this:

Rivka, you can’t run away into your books. There’s a lot of other stuff you still need to do.

====

I typed that, and I sighed a big sigh.

Because honestly? I’ve had enough.

====

Jews are so stubborn.

For years, most of my extended family members and friends have been relating to me as an amusing, but somewhat demented conspiracy theorist.

I am the weirdo who totally trashed my career prospects and social life by moving to Israel. And if that wasn’t bad enough, I then added insult to injury by becoming a ‘religious extremist’ who started talking to God every day, and visiting the tombs of dead saints.

Of course, things went up yet another level when I started getting closer to Rav Berland. That’s when I started getting into arguments with just about everyone I know, both on and offline, who were convinced that they knew better because they avidly read Ynet and the Yeshiva World News every day.

Even my own children spent two years thinking I was a brainwashed, cult-member ‘lunatic’ for supporting the Rav, because that’s what they were hearing from their media-indoctrinated friends.

That was, and still is, pretty painful.

====

But you know why I threw myself so wholeheartedly behind Rabbi Berland?

Because every time I talked to God about the subject, I got the ‘message’ back that I should do everything in my power to help him, any way I could.

You know how I knew that Coronavirus was a crock right from the beginning?

Because every time I talked to God about what was going on, that was the message I got. That it really was meant to have been awful, but that the Rav had sweetened it with his self-sacrifice and prayers.

You know why I keep putting ‘unpopular’ posts up encouraging people to move to Israel ASAP, and having awkward conversations with people about how their pension – and savings, and stock market portfolios, and properties – are about to disappear in a puff of pixie dust very, very soon?

Yup, you guessed it.

Every time I check in with my neshama, and ask God about what’s happening, that’s the steer I get. Also from the writings of Rebbe Nachman (check out The Master of Prayer) and also from what I can see so clearly with the two eyes in my head that God gave me.

But Jews are so stubborn.

====

And that’s why so often, I just want to give up and go and do something more rewarding, like knitting a blanket, or something.

How many times can a person write the words:

Doing hitbodedut is the only way you are really going to figure out what’s going on?

How many times can I keep sticking hours, days and weeks’ worth of rock-solid research up here on the site, just to keep seeing it derailed by innate biases, bad middot, and arrogance?

God, I give up!!!

Let me just go and write some books – just for my own enjoyment and edification, I don’t even care if people don’t buy them anymore – and forget about trying to change anybody else’s mind, or viewpoint.

Dayenu!

I’m done. I’m finished. I’m retiring.

====

What can I tell you?

I want to give up. What’s the point of writing this stuff, when so many people just can’t hear it, or believe it, or deal with it?

What’s the point?

I want to give up and go and do something more personally fulfilling, that doesn’t keep putting me in opposition to 99.9% of the rest of the world.

But God isn’t letting me.

Again.

====

Every few posts, I’ve decided to break up all the doom and gloom a little – as serious as it all is – with something a little lighter.

I did that with Nissim’s Mothaland Bounce video, and in this post, I want to introduce you to a new book, that is a really good read.

It’s called Kiss the hand you can’t bite  – and I can’t say anything more about it, other than if you’re interested in family dynamics, epigenetics, life in Israel and talking to God, you might really enjoy it.

You can check the first chapter of the book out HERE, and order your copy on Amazon HERE.

Enjoy!

====

You might also like this article:

A few weeks’ ago, I got an invitation to come see a private screening of a film called Talking to God.

I haven’t been to a movie for somewhere around 12 years…. so of course I said ‘yes’. Hey, I get to do something Rabbenu related and still get to watch a film with no guilt or teshuva required? Are you kidding?!

So, I settled into for the 90 or so minutes expecting to see something cute, with its heart in the right place, around the AmDram level – and boy o boy, was I surprised. Talking to God had superb casting, a real plot, and was a real film, in every sense of the word.

The story revolves around a woman from New York, Rebecca, who is having troubles sleeping and can’t figure out what she’s supposed to be doing in life. Long story short, she gets to Uman, and Rebbe Nachman starts showing her some profound insights via one of his Tales, that end up turning her whole life around.

But what was truly amazing to me is that the film didn’t feel like a mussar lesson in the least, and actually had a lot of laugh-out-loud moments.

Between you and me, I’m at that stage of life where I can’t take any more of the ‘fake piety’ stuff anymore, where angels start strumming their harps as another saintly figure takes the stage to lecture everyone else on how to act.

AAAARGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

But this film had a strong enough story that the moral of the story kind of slipped in unnoticed – like it does with all the best movies.

I was thinking about it for a good few days afterwards, which is when I decided to get in touch with the movie’s director and producer, Maya Batash, to find out how it came to be made.

====

We met for a coffee at Cinema City (man, I can’t stand that place…) and Maya explained the genesis of Talking to God.

====

The story begins back in 2010, when Rav Arush’s Garden of Emuna was just starting to take the English-speaking world by storm. A few years’ beforehand, Maya had shifted from her job as a successful neurologist to start to develop her long-forgotten creative side.

She’d gone back to school to study painting, and then decided she wanted to learn how to make indie films. In 2010, she’d just released ‘Out of the Fog’, a film with a theme of emotional healing, and was looking forward to working on a new comedy.

Instead, after a year of reading the Garden of Emuna, Maya found herself taking a trip to Uman, and then the whole plan changed.

====

“I went to Uman despite my lack of any initial desire to be there’” she recalls.

“A friend invited me on a group trip and despite my hesitation, somehow I ended up there just a few months later”.  That trip led to three months of what Maya politely calls ‘spiritual surgery’, as the answer to that question, and others, started to swim into view. It wasn’t an easy experience, but perhaps strangely when another trip to Uman was announced the following year, in 2011, Maya explains; “I ran to go on it. And while I was in Uman the second time, I got the idea that I should make a film. Initially, I thought it should be some sort of documentary about people in Uman, and all their miraculous stories.”

Maya started taping videos of big Breslov rabbis like Rav Arush, and Rav Brody, to use in the documentary, like this clip below:

====

Maya also returned to Uman for a third time, this time with a camera, and a plan to interview some of the people there about their experiences of being by Rabbenu. “I wanted to interview ‘big’ people, the people who other people listen to, because I was finding it hard to get regular women to agree to talk to me,” she says.

But at some point, that plan fell by the wayside. “I didn’t have enough footage for a full documentary, and then I remembered I hate documentaries,” says Maya. But what she loved, was some of the stories that Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach used to tell from the Baal Shem Tov, and from Rebbe Nachman. And in particular, the story of ‘The Fixer’.

Slowly, Maya realized that while she didn’t want to make a documentary about emuna, she really did want to tell some of Rebbe Nachman’s stories.

The screenplay was written in Jerusalem’s cafes in 2012, and then Maya spent the next few years trying to raise the money required to start filming.

“This film had 30 actors, and a massive crew,” she says. “It was a huge undertaking, and I really needed some help to make it happen.”

====

Help came in the form of a producer called Kim Jackson who brought on another producer named Jonathan Federico, and then Talking to God really started to come together. A week before filming was due to begin, Maya finally found the right actor for the starring role of the Fixer, called Zebedee Row  In the fall of 2014, Uman was transplanted to Staten Island, the film was shot, and Maya got on with the lengthy process of post-production and film editing.

And that’s when a few more miniot bobbed up to slow things down. Maya mother passed away in 2015, and Maya was also still trying to raise the funds required to get the film’s original music score written, and to complete the post-production.

“It took a lot of praying, a lot of hitbodedut, and a lot of trips to Uman,” she says. And now, Maya is trying to find a distributor who will get the films into theatres around the world. “I could release it online, but I really want it to be taken seriously. This film is for anyone who is looking for growth, healing, or meaning in their lives. There is a huge audience here, and the film needs the right distributor to be able to tap into it.”

====

In the meantime, Maya is submitting Talking to God to film festivals, and is continuing to pray that the right someone, somewhere, will notice it, and help to get it out there to a wider audience.

So, eight years after she first began the project, Talking to God is finally poised to go mainstream.

“What did making this movie teach you?” I asked her, over a cup of something hot at Cinema City.

“I’ve learned to talk to God daily which allows me to let go of whatever’s bothering me, whether it’s fear, anger, pain etc and give it over to the Source,” says Maya. “I’ve learned the importance of doing everything in my power to make myself happy.  And how dancing and singing regularly can miraculously bring a person to real joy. Happiness is a choice,” she says.

What I can tell you is that watching the ‘private screening for feedback’ of Talking to God made me very happy. And I have a feeling that the film might have that effect on a few million other people, too.

To learn more, visit: www.talkingtoGodmovie.com

====

You might also like these articles:

 

Continuing the discussion, I had a couple more questions on hitbodedut which I’m going to answer below as part of a Frequently Asked Questions post, that I’ll add to as and when I get more questions on the subject that are not ‘big’ enough to merit their own post.

Q: What about Reb Noson’s famous saying, “If I see a lack somewhere, I know that either people didn’t pray about it, or they didn’t pray about it enough”? I think Rav Arush quotes it somewhere in “The Garden of Emuna”. How do you understand it now, in light of your experiences?

In Rabbi Nachman’s Wisdom (the English translation of Shevachay HaRan and Sichos HaRan, by the Breslov Research Institute), pg 368, it says the following:

[The Rebbe said]: “You must pray for everything. If your garment is torn and must be replaced, pray to God for a new one. Do this for everything. Make it a habit to pray for all your needs, large or small.

Your main prayers should be for fundamentals, that God should help you with your devotions, that you should be worthy of coming closer to Him.

Still, you should also pray for even trivial things. God may give you food and clothing and everything else you need, even though you do not ask for them. But then you are like an animal.

“God gives every living thing its bread without being asked. He can also give it to you this way. But if you do not draw your life through prayer, then it’s like living like an animal. A man has to draw all of his necessities from God via his prayers.”

==

The first thing we have to really clarify is what sort of ‘lack’ are we talking about, here? In our superficial, money-obsessed, materialistic world, the word ‘lack’ automatically conjures up a lack of stuff.

  • I lack a big, expensive house…
  • I lack a fancy car….
  • I lack the money to go on holiday…
  • I lack the ability to eat out in expensive restaurants and to buy nice clothes…

And so on, and so forth.

Clearly there are material needs – part of what Rebbe Nachman refers to as ‘trivial things’ – that are still very important for a person. If we don’t have enough food to eat, we can’t pay the rent, we can’t buy even the basic clothes we need – that’s going to impact our ability to serve Hashem in some very big, fundamental ways.

Where there is no flour, there is no Torah.

From my own experiences with my husband not working, neither he nor I could really learn Torah properly, or really work on anything spiritual except just clinging on to our sanity and trying to keep hold of some emuna, when we ran out of money.

When you can’t buy food, when you can’t buy toilet paper, when you’re worrying about the electricity getting switched off, you have zero peace of mind and very little ability to sit down and pray (unless you’re genuinely a huge tzaddik, which honestly? Most people are not.)

That’s why you need a minimum amount of ‘flour’ before you can have some Torah, and that’s why Rebbe Nachman says you should certainly be praying for your ‘trivial’ physical needs, even though they aren’t so ‘spiritual’.

There’s so much fake piety washing around the frum world that sometimes, even basic ideas like this aren’t properly understood. You can’t expect a kid to want to live and love a life of Torah learning if they live in a home where there is no food on the table, and no shoes for them to wear.

A few, extremely righteous people, can live like that, and love Torah so much they won’t feel the material lack and the physical deprivation, but most of us are no-where near that level. So, we have to have the basic stuff we need to feel sufficiently taken care of, physically and materially.

BUT – then Rebbe Nachman comes to warn us – don’t take praying for the gashmius to an extreme.

Don’t think that praying for stuff is the point, because it really isn’t.

The ‘lack’ that Rebbe Nachman is talking about is first and foremost spiritual. We lack daat, (deep spiritual understanding). We lack emuna, the real belief in God, and God’s goodness. We lack self-awareness and empathy. We lack good middot. We lack closeness to Hashem.

It’s these spiritual lacks that are really causing us all the other lacks in our life, be it ‘lacks’ in health, money, success, shalom bayit, inner peace, whatever it is.

Rebbe Nachman teaches in Likutey Moharan that all our suffering is caused by a lack of daat – a lack of spiritual understanding. When a person has daat, they don’t suffer, regardless of what’s going on in their lives, and they don’t feel that they lack anything – even if they really are objectively lacking.

How do we get more daat, and fill in more of these spiritual ‘lacks’?

By talking to God on regular basis.

The more we do that, the more we’ll start to understand how our bad middot and lack of emuna is really at the root of all the other ‘lacks’ and suffering that we’re experiencing.

Also, when you go through an experience where you have no toilet paper, you can’t put food on the table, you can’t move forward in life, no matter how hard you try, that starts to teach you to have more humility and more gratitude.

Everything is a free gift from Hashem.

God decides the outcome of everything, not our practical effort, and not even how much time we spend doing hitbodedut.

In the West, we take so much for granted, and have such high expectations. We think God owes us a whole bunch of stuff. It’s not enough we have food, it has to be expensive organic, or fancy restaurant. It’s not enough we have a roof over our head, it has to be completely renovated and massive. It’s not enough we have our own healthy teeth in our gums, they have to be totally straight and pearly white.

The Sages teach that a person dies with not even half of his desires fulfilled.

Again, the more we work on the underlying spiritual causes for our sense of ‘lacking’, the more appreciation we’ll develop for what we do have, and the easier we’ll find it to be happy with our lot – however God has decided ‘our lot’ should be.

But with the proviso that our basic physical needs have to be being met, because otherwise, the anxiety and stress of not having enough food, or money to pay rent and bills etc, will just take us out, mentally, and close down our ability to think.

And if you can’t even think straight, it’s very hard to pray, and it’s very hard to have the peace of mind, or yishuv daat required to think things through to see what you might need to be doing differently, to get things to improve.

But once these basic needs have been met – and our basic needs are far more ‘basic’ than most of us are willing to accept, in 2018 – then should focus on acknowledging our blessings, and put the emphasis on developing our relationship with God and fixing our bad middot.

Q: How can one do an hour every day without repeating oneself, being bored to death and feeling that this is not really conducive to constant growth?

This is a good question, and it really goes to the heart of what is hitbodedut really for?

We’re taught that three things are acquired through suffering:

  • Torah
  • Eretz Yisrael
  • The world to come

This teaches us that true spiritual growth is always ‘earned’ via suffering, in some way or other.

There’s an idea that we don’t keep mitzvahs because they actually give us so some tangible benefit, although clearly, they often do. Rather, there’s a higher level of keeping mitzvahs just because God said to do them, which is called lishma, for its own sake.

Yes, a person can keep Shabbat because it gives them a break from work, and it gives them quality family time, and they enjoy the socializing, or the extra time to read and learn Torah, or the Shabbos shluff on Saturday afternoon, or the great cake their wife makes for Shabbat.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying all these ‘fringe benefits’ of keeping Shabbat, and we’re meant to find ways to honor the Shabbat, and to make it more enjoyable and something to look forward to, physically.

But all that stuff is not the main point.

The main point of keeping Shabbat is because God told us to do it.

And we have to keep Shabbat even if we’re bored to tears, lonely, forgot to cook anything beforehand, or are generally really just not enjoying it so much.

(So many baal teshuvas will tell you the first time they tried to keep Shabbat, they nearly went crazy from the boredom and ‘tedium’ of the day. Beginnings are always hard, especially when it comes to spiritual matters where the results and benefits are often so intangible.)

It’s the ‘suffering’ that we’re willing to go through to acquire these mitzvahs that really make them so precious in God’s eyes, because then it’s clear that we’re only doing them because God said so. Lishma. And not because we are feeling some huge benefit ourselves.

Same with doing hitbodedut for an hour.

Why do an hour?

Because Rebbe Nachman told us to. There is no other reason for doing an hour. Why did Rebbe Nachman tell us to do an hour? Because he could see there is some massive spiritual benefit associated with talking to God for an hour a day, that you just don’t get any other way.

Do we believe Rebbe Nachman knows what he’s talking about?

(You can answer that quietly).

But, if the answer is ‘yes’, if we really do have emunat tzaddikim, and we believe that Rebbe Nachman is a big Sage, and we are relying on his much greater spiritual insight and knowledge, then we’ll take his advice to do an hour a day very seriously.

But then, what do we do if we’re not really enjoying it, if it’s just too hard?

Let’s go back to the Shabbos example.

The BT really wants to keep Shabbat, he knows it’s the right thing to do, he knows it’s what God wants, he even knows that at some point, he’ll see huge benefits from keeping Shabbat. There are some BTs that can go ‘cold turkey’ and just start keeping Shabbat fully from day one. But there are others, many others, who can’t.

This BT also wants to keep Shabbat.

But…he’s addicted to his i-Phone. He’s addicted to watching movies. He’s addicted to going to the beach with his friends on Shabbat, or going to watch football.

What do we say to this BT? Do we say ‘give up, and don’t bother! It’s just too hard!’

Nope.

Instead we say – keep aiming for small but steady improvements.

Every week, try to do a bit more to ‘remember’ the Shabbat, and a bit less to desecrate it. Do Kiddush Friday night, stay home, try to bench after the meal. Work up slowly, slowly.

We also give him strategies to make keeping Shabbat a bit easier and less onerous. Start trying to keep Shabbat in the Winter months, when it’s cosy to stay home Friday night and the day is over by 5pm.

Try to find friends to invite over, and get invited out, so you don’t get so bored and the time will pass faster. Start learning more, so you understand why keeping Shabbat is so important. Speak to other BTs who started keeping Shabbat, to see if they can give you any useful tips or encouragement, or tell you about the benefits they started to see in their own lives.

Same with hitbodedut.

It’s not perfect? It’s not a full hour? You get bored and antsy?

Don’t give up!

Keep aiming to do the full hour. Keep asking God to show you why it’s important to do it, keep building the will to eventually do a full hour.

Sooner or later, it will come, if you don’t give up on it.

There’s one more thing to add here, and that is this:

Whatever is stopping you from doing hitbodedut, that’s what is also holding you back in your real life, too.

That’s why if you can ‘fight through’ the obstacles to doing an hour of hitbodedut, you’ll also start to see a whole bunch of things start to move in other ways, as well.