I’ve had a couple of emails recently asking me why am I bothering to do all this research.
What’s the point?
Why am I putting so very much time and effort into trying to figure out what happened 300 years ago, and 200 years ago, and 2,000 years ago, in the Jewish community?
There’s a few answers to this question, but the main one is this:
My neshama is pushing me to do this.
Believe me, that this is often totally tedious, frustrating work.
Believe me, that if I could just cut loose from this and go and do something that I have a chance of actually completing within, say, the next three years – that would be great.
So, why am I doing this, why am I bothering?
All I can tell you, is that my soul is pushing me to do it.
And whenever I try to give this subject a break, I start feeling some massive internal stress – for no obvious reason – until I return to it.
This isn’t the first time I’ve had this.
When I was trying to figure out the Erev Rav stuff, and how the secular description of ‘narcissism’ fitted into it, I experienced something similar.
And then again, when I was trying to figure out how the body, mind and soul really work together, when it comes to health and how we respond to stress and trauma.
And then again, when I started researching all the lies and deception around the persecution of the Rav.
Each time, I had no idea why I was doing what I was doing, or where it was all really going, but in the end, the pieces finally came together, and I could see why God had led me down that path.
I hope that’s going to happen with this real Jewish history stuff too.
We live in the world of lies, don’t you know?
And those lies aren’t just in the parts of the Jewish world that aren’t yours or mine.
They are literally everywhere.
It’s way easier to turn your brain off, and to abdicate your free choice and personal responsibility to an ‘expert’.
But free choice is the whole reason God made us, and created the world.
So, I guess part of this geula process is blowing the comfort zone that has totally deadened our free choice, and our motivation to develop a real relationship with God, out of the water.
It’s un-comfortable all this, I know.
But I think that’s the point.
There are no certainties, nothing is guaranteed.
There is just Hashem, and our connection to Him, to take us forward into the next stage of this process.
So, why am I doing all this?
Because that seems to be what God wants from me.
And as soon as He gives me the message that He wants me to stop, I will stop in a heartbeat.
But so far, that’s not happening.
And if anything, I keep getting the steer that I need to get more information out even faster than I’m currently managing it, because it’s important.
More than that, I can’t tell you.
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