pause for thought

As we approach two years of madness, I’m really hoping the end is coming into sight.

Two years stuck in ‘survival mode’, with a house that’s always full of people, because of lockdowns and biduds, and a million other reasons, is not easy for anyone.

So first, I want to salute all the mums out there, who for the last two years have been trying to hold their families together with non-stop mesirut nefesh, cooking, cleaning and trying very hard to have emuna, even when it’s seemed that all hope has gone.

And, I want to thank all the husbands out there, who continued to try to provide for their families, in the face of lunatic bosses demanding ‘injections’; and horrible facemask mandates; and stupid, moronic ‘social distancing’ rules, solely designed to break our spirits and get us to give up and roll over.


And then, I want to shout out to all our kids.

Those kids who have had to grow up under circumstances that no-one should have to grow up under.

With 5 year olds ‘force masked’ all day; and with toddlers stuck and home for weeks on end because of ridiculous rules that no one believes in, not even the Orwellian Ministry of Health, who is making them up.

And I want to thank all the teens, who spent days, weeks and months cooped up with no-one but their stressed parents for company, and who still kept things together and didn’t totally give up on themselves, or their futures….

Mamash, such a hard test.

For everyone.


I’m not saying this is ‘over’.

I have no idea if this is really over, and honestly, I know it’s not ‘over’ until we actually get Moshiach and geula, mamash.

But what I AM saying, is that God seems to be giving us at least one more pause for thought right now, as the geula process continues to unfold.

The pressure is coming off (but, the final contraction is still around the corner, make no mistake) – and at least for myself, I’m now finding myself with a bit of time and space to really think about what am I doing with my life?!?!?

Apart from cooking, cleaning, shopping, and just basically trying to hold it together still.

I haven’t had time or space to even approach that question for at least two years.

And now I’m asking it… and I don’t really have an answer.


For sure, I could try and write more books, but honestly, no-one reads them, so my motivation to keep doing that is a little on the low side, currently.

I could keep trying to crack that ‘Frankist Family Tree’ nut – but honestly? I am SO SICK of poring over the family trees of dead, evil people in the Jewish community, even though I do see the value in piecing that puzzle together, still.

I’m painting new pictures…

I’m still playing my guitar…

At least a couple of days a week, I try to get out somewhere holy like the Kotel, or Kever Shimon HaTzadik, or to the Rav…

But when it comes to answering the bigger question of what am I doing with my life?!?!?

I don’t know what to tell you.


I’m hanging, on that’s what I’m doing.

I’m still trying to work on my bad middot, and still trying to figure out how to walk that narrow bridge between doing kindnesses for others, and encouraging people to take responsibility for themselves, and their own lives.

But I have to say, I am feeling pretty tired at the moment, of continually writing exposes about what is really happening in our world.

And maybe, the thought is dawning, I don’t have to do so much of that anymore.

Maybe, more people are waking up all by themselves now, and realising that:

  • Covid 19 was a ‘plandemic’ all along
  • The shots are full of GO nanotech that cannot be a good thing for humanity
  • The political process everywhere in the world is totally corrupt
  • The Jewish community has been compromised at every level
  • Rav Berland was framed – using exactly the same techniques we now see playing out in a million different other ‘stories’; and
  • That human health was always far more complex than swallowing down pills, injecting medications and going under the knife.


I feel like I’ve been arguing with people for the best part of 20 years, ever since we first said we wanted to move to Israel.

Part of me enjoys the cut and thrust of debate, and the pursuit of new information, and welcomes the opportunity to learn and grow – but another part of me is now asking the question:

What comes next?

Because, am I meant to just keep writing about ‘GO nanotech’ for the next 50 years?

Or about how bad Klaus Schwab and 5…G really is?

Or, about how corrupt so much of the Jewish community ‘establishment’ really is?

And if the answer is ‘no’….



What am I meant to be doing myself instead, if the time for blowing whistles, and waving red flags, and sounding alarms is coming to an end?

Not because the ‘plandemic’ is over yet, because it isn’t.

But because from here on in, anyone with even half a brain cell still functioning can see for themselves, just how broken and ‘bad’ so much of the world really is.

And that process is only going to accelerate, as God starts throwing more and more of ‘the truth’ out there, and turning over more of the stones to expose the swamp-creatures lurking beneath.


I don’t have an answer.

Like you, I am just trying to live each day as it comes, and to do whatever work God puts in front of me.

Some days, it’s still a huge effort just to keep on top of the washing and to make a good supper for my family, there is no ‘time’ or ‘space’ to ask bigger questions about what I’m meant to be doing with myself.

We will be ‘like dreamers’ when Moshiach comes, we already know that.

And I know I’ve felt stuck in a bad dream for quite a while, even before Covid 19 kicked-off.

I won’t be sorry, when this world of lies finally collapses.

But, I don’t really know what to do with myself, while I’m waiting for that to happen.

Except, wait patiently, pray, and work on accepting that whatever God’s timetable and plan actually is, that’s the best it could be.


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8 replies
  1. האיש
    האיש says:


    • Rivka Levy
      Rivka Levy says:

      I would love to get offline totally…. in some ways.

      I had the thought my current mindset could also be a ‘detox’ reaction to no longer following the Jewish propaganda sites, too.

      They took so much of my life force, but I also felt they were ‘giving me’ something, I guess, which is why I kept going back to them for ‘the latest’.

      It’s a process, shifting into a new reality… and sometimes even though we know something is bad for us, we still feel connected to it, and miss it, at least a bit.

  2. Inna
    Inna says:

    Healing. We have to focus on healing. Once we realised that what we see is the world of lies, after that a time of healing has to come. What is exactly the truth. How does this world operate? What is required of us. I think there is a lot to be done once this explodes. I do not see the reason for depression. And still there are so many places that are not clear.
    And what does Rav has to say about all this. What is next? Any clues we are getting from him?

    • Rivka Levy
      Rivka Levy says:

      I’m not depressed – not at all.

      But I AM pretty ‘de-motivated’, and I don’t know what to do with myself.

      If I hear from the Rav something that is connected to this, I’ll certainly share it.

      • Alizah
        Alizah says:

        Here is what the Rav says, according to R’ Yissachar’s shiur today. Learn Torah and pray. For men, 8 pages (a page is 2 sides) of gemara a day, above the usual. They are doing Gemara Kesubos, Mem Daled. And Rmbam Hilchos Tefila in Mishna Torah. 5 chapters Rambam a day in addition to regular learning.
        For women, Rambam Schirut (renting) Chapter 11 today
        Chabad has a lot of Rambam resources online.
        Two chapters Tanach a day–today was Daniel chapters #9 and 10. One book of Tehillim a day. For today, we are reading: Ch. 73 to 89.
        Also it is very important for everyone to daven with the Rav. If we live too far, we can say amen on phone and internet hookups. 8:30 open maariv

      • Daisy
        Daisy says:

        Cheer up Rivka, you are not alone in that!

        First of all I want you to know that I have been going through the very same questions: I used to be a blogger, that’s past; I used to work as a doctor, that’s past; I used to be a concert pianist years ago, that’s completely gone; I used to spend my whole time as a mother and grandmother in the past nine months: now they are all away, far away, for a long time. So what’s now?

        Well, today Rav Yissachar Berg gave a shiur in which he said something very important: he said the Rav has new “marching orders”: now the order of the day is not so much Tikkun Klali’s: we are in a new phase of the war against the worst evil in the world, which is the Israeli government doing everything they can to destroy Torah. So the Rav now is asking that everybody LEARN TORAH AND PARTICIPATE IN HIS DAVENING, despite rain and cold. Interestingly enough in the last couple of weeks my motivation for Tikkun Klali etc. has gone down, while my desire to learn Torah has shot up to the roof; yesterday Shabbat I spent hours learning Torah ( I have the Meam Loez with its multiple commentaries); and I watch the Rav on YouTube almost every night, some times even live! So my neshamah was telling me exactly what the Rav is asking everybody to do. Rav Yissachar even spoke about starting a TORAH LEARNING GROUP FOR WOMEN, following one of the listeners’ comment. You are in Yerushalayim, why don’t you contact Yissachar if you feel it could be something for you too: what do you think? For sure on Shabbat, when we have no distractions like the internet, it is so much easier to learn, but why not during the week too, once in a while?

        Of course there are lots of other projects that require attention too, I am sure: one day at a time!

        And I want to thank you for being a focal point in all your readers’ lives, I have no doubt. Your blog has been amazing, so rich, so informative, so happy, it’s been great. Are you getting ready to retire from it? If so I will sure miss you, like all your readers, but if your time has come, just like my time came, until further notice… Whatever Hashem has in store for you, it should all be happy, fulfilling, and enlightening. Lots of brachot from me! Hatzlachah!

  3. nechama
    nechama says:

    So good to hear the inside of Rivky. I have also thought about how can I un–connect. However my only connection with dear ‘family’ in the States via my L–D phone service (via internet), and this also means internet food orders, bank and financial mgmt. So, like you I reduced my source sites for material to write about, and b”n trim my blog posting.
    But most imp. is looking 👀 for those clues from Shamayim and trying to discern their meaning for me, us. Thank you Rivky.


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