I realised something this morning.
I realised that if I don’t find a way to really work on my emuna, and to bitul (nullify) myself to God, and His plan, then the ‘bad guys’ are going to win, whatever happens next.
Yesterday, my husband sent me this, with the subject line: What a CO-IN-CID-ENCE.
Here’s a snippet:
Yamina leader Naftali Bennett is also due a windfall from the anticipated sale of an Israeli fintech startup, in which he has equity, for billions of dollars.
You understand, of course, that this is the way they ‘buy off’ our political leaders, and hijack our democracy in plain sight.
No offence to Bennett, but the guy is clearly not the sharpest pencil in the box.
And yet, it’s AMAZING how all our politicians, clever and dumb alike, keep picking these stellar stock options, and keep making millions and billions…. and then roll over and do whatever the controllers behind the scenes tell them to do.
Last year, Bennett said this (check the one minute mark):
“In many countries, zero young people died.”
Now, PM Bennett is doing exactly the same as ex-PM Netanyahu – and whoever you put in the PM’s chair, nothing is really going to change, because they are all bought and paid for.
So , we are in for more mask enforcement, more lockdowns, more coercion to get even young children ‘vaccinated’.
And the stress of all this has been really getting to me the last couple of days.
The last three days, I’ve seen more masks going back on again…
The security guard where my husband works told him from next week, the Police will start giving fines again for non-mask wearing again.
Going shopping for groceries is becoming an ordeal again.
And this morning, I literally felt like I just want to roll over and give up.
I can’t do another three months of this, God, I just can’t. It’s too much for me.
In the meantime, I’ve been snapping at my kids, totally self-absorbed in all my chronic stress, and unable to really ‘do’ anything much, because of my underlying anger and panic about what’s going on here.
This morning, as I registered my heart rate going through the roof as I put my shoes on ready to go out and get the challahs for Shabbat, I realised something.
If I carry on like this, the bad guys are going to win, whatever happens.
But what’s the alternative? To just give up and stop caring? To stop fighting this anyway I can and just let them win?
To have some real emuna, the small voice whispered back.
To look past the evil politicians, and the dumb ‘law enforcement’, and to just see God.
God is behind all this, remember?
You have sent me so very many tests the last few months, to polish up my emuna, and to get me working on so many of those bad middot that thrive in the current crazy matzav.
How much fear I’ve had to deal with the last few months.
How much worry.
How much anger and hatred.
How much I’ve had to try to get a grip on my ‘controlling’ tendencies, which have ballooned as I feel less and less in control of anything.
How much hitbodedut has been required, the last year and a half, to just not go crazy from the injustice and evil of it all.
And to keep reminding myself that ultimately, Ein od milvado.
There is only God.
So, I realise I have to bitul again with all these mask diktats.
Not because I believe in them, not because I’m buying ‘the story’, not because I’m scared to fight back.
But because God is ultimately the One I am nullifying myself to, and not all those ‘Karens’ and police people.
Really, I don’t have a choice.
If I don’t adopt the ‘no-big-deal-just-bitul-to-God’ approach over the next couple of months, I can’t see how I can get through this without cracking up, mentally, whatever else is going to happen to turn it around eventually.
So, no big deal, to wear the stupid mask to buy my milk…
No big deal, to jump through all these stupid hoops again, God, as the evil government tries to coerce every last one of us into getting ‘barcoded’ with that DNA Origami vaccination that’s filling us up with graphene nanotech…
If that’s what You want God, it’s OK with me.
Because otherwise, I’m not going to cope with what’s coming down the pipe here, over the next few weeks.
And ultimately, all this is just a massive, ongoing lesson in practical emuna, working on my bitul, and understanding that I’m not in control of anything.
And really, I never was.
On a separate note, I got this over email:
I would love to learn more about the story with Rav Berland’s situation. I would be grateful if you could send me more details regarding how he was set up and what the truth is behind the story the media tells.
There are a couple of ways you can find out what happened with the Rav.
If you plug in ‘Rav Berland’ in the search box on this site, it will bring up a ton of articles from the last 4-5 years, so you can do it that way.
OR, you can download both volumes of One in a Generation, for free, and read them at your leisure.
Here’s volume 1, as a PDF:
And here’s volume 2, as a PDF:
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