5780: Did we turn the corner?
I don’t know about you, but I could describe the last few months of 5779 as some form of: hanging on by my fingernails.
That’s how it felt – for months!
I don’t know why, it just seemed like so many things were kind of permanently stuck, permanently dragging, permanently pointless. It was hard to get out of bed… It was hard to stay focused once I’d managed that part… It was so hard to keep going, to keep doing stuff, to keep my house clean, to keep making food for Shabbat, to keep saying my morning brachot, to go out for a walk.
Everything was such an effort, such a drag.
We are in to the fourth day of 5780, and what I can tell you is this:
The energy of this year is totally different from what came before.
Even Rosh Hashana felt so different this year.
Usually, I hunker down on Rosh Hashana, and wait for the feeling of oppressive din, and panic, and yirah to dissipate a little, so I can come out of hiding and stop holding my breath. The last few years, Rosh Hashana has been mostly difficult, for a whole bunch of reasons.
This year, for the first time in I don’t know how long, I can say that I came close to actually enjoying Rosh Hashana.
Me and the girls were out for two meals, home for the others, and none of us were stressed and fighting. Nobody was moaning that my husband was in Uman. No-one was stressing that they didn’t have the right thing to wear, or that their hair looked horrible (I’d like you to believe that last statement is referring to my children….)
We didn’t feel lonely, we didn’t feel out of place, we didn’t feel lost in the world or lacking.
Even more amazingly, I managed to find a body of water that the Jerusalem municipality couldn’t turn off for Rosh Hashana, to prevent residents from chucking their challah into it at tashlich.
So for the first time in at least five years, me and my girls all managed to do tashlich, and to actually do it on Rosh Hashana itself.
I spoke to someone yesterday who has also had quite a challenging few years here in the Holyland, and they said the same thing: there was a great feeling floating around on Rosh Hashana 5780.
There is hope in the air again, there is a light illuminating the path.
Dawn has finally broken.
That’s how it felt.
Now, I’ll guess we’ll see what happens next.
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