After months of masks, followed by Meron mass-murder, followed by the 4th intifada and another war… Israel is apparently now going back to ‘normal’.
And honestly, I think that’s the most head-wrecking part of all this.
The ‘normal’ that suddenly pops back up, after months and months of people living on their nerves, and their emuna, and sitting here feeling like it’s the end of the world, and that Moshiach must be just around the corner.
And then that all disappears again, somehow, and we ‘go back to normal’.
Of course, we aren’t really going back to “normal”, although many of us are trying.
I watch my kids trying to do some of the things they used to love so much, before all this madness began, and I can see that the ta’am, the taste for the world of narishkeit has pretty much gone.
They go to the beach, and it’s not so great.
They go out to the shuk, and it’s OK – but really not so great.
They go shopping – and they really aren’t enjoying it so much (not that they ever really did, but it’s definitely even less enjoyable than previously.)
And I’m also experiencing that.
Maybe, partly, I’m just so totally and utterly fried-out from one ‘massive drama’ after another, that I’ve kind of shut down and gone into zombie mode.
Especially before the tragedy happened in Meron – like, for weeks before that happened – I was feeling kind of ‘numb’ and finding it hard to really engage with the world, with people.
Since Pesach, it’s been hard to cook, to clean, to find motivation to do anything much.
And then Meron happened, and I barely slept for 3 weeks, while I was working on what really occurred that night, and how the police (taking orders from above) murdered 45 people in cold blood.
By Shavuot, I totally collapsed.
I was sick as a dog for about 4-5 days, and I just wanted some space, some peace and quiet, without having to think about other people.
When you’re a mum, you just take the responsibility for things going on in the house.
If there is no food in the fridge – that’s down to you.
If there are no clean clothes, and the plants aren’t being watered – that’s down to you.
But sometimes, when you’ve been stuck with people in your face, 24/7, for over a year – well.
It can get kinda hard to keep the level of ‘service with a smile’ up.
And then, there’s how hard all this has been for the other people in my house.
One kid has been doing ‘zoom university’ – non-stop! – all year.
Until Pesach, she’d barely left the house for eight months.
The other one has been trying to complete her bagrut matriculation exams this year.
BH, she has a great school that doesn’t believe in medical fascism, so she’s managed to evade being tested for ‘Covid’ every single week just to go back to class – like nearly all the rest of her friends in other schools.
And she’s managed to evade being locked down for two weeks solid in dorm – like so many of her peers in other schools.
But until recently, she’s still had to deal with the non-stop ‘threat’ that non-vaccinated students wouldn’t be allowed to sit their exams.
Poor kid, each time she revises for the bagrut, there’s been another lockdown…. or another ‘medical fascist diktat’ that we’ve had to find a way around, or a mini-pogrom, or a war….
It’s really great we’re ‘going back to normal’, but I can tell you that my kids’ generation is already sitting there questioning what the point of ‘normal’ is.
If it was hard for them to be motivated to do stuff before – or at least, stuff that ‘normal’ people are meant to do – now, it’s even more difficult.
And honestly – I’m in the same boat.
I have a lot of stuff to be getting on with, in theory.
More books to write, old books to sort out re-printing, plans to make, ideas to pursue….
And I have no energy or motivation to do any of it.
I’m also just kind of ‘floating along’ here, doing whatever God gives me to do in the day, in the hour, but otherwise, I can’t really think about ‘the future’, or make any firm plans to try and follow through on.
Last week, I was in the middle of a war and another intifada (apparently….)
The week before that, I was knee-deep in the Meron murder cover-up.
The month before that, I was agonizing over the idea that the government here was steadily stripping away every freedom I had, as a human being, in an effort to force me to be ‘vaccinated’.
And now…. it’s all apparently disappeared again.
We’re going back to ‘normal’.
For at least the next 10 minutes.
Yesterday, they announced that from June 1, they are cancelling all the ‘green passport’ medical apartheid in Israel.
It sounds like good news – but I’m so jaded about this government, and their secret agendas, and their mass-manipulation policies, that I don’t take anything they say at face-value, any more.
When it suits them, they say this.
And when it doesn’t, they say ‘we manipulated another ‘spike’ in Covid mutations, so now we need the biggest lockdown you’ve ever seen in your life’.
Because all of this – everything – is just fake news.
And you can make fake news up on a whim, it doesn’t need to be ‘logical’ or based on anything.
So what’s the takeaway message, here?
At least for me?
That any existence outside of Torah, mitzvot and good deeds – i.e. a spiritual life – is pretty meaningless.
But the last few months, there has been such an onslaught going on that even that stuff hasn’t been coming as easily as it used to.
BH, if not for the talking to God every day, if not for Rebbe Nachman’s teachings, if not for Rav Berland’s prayers – I would be in a real mess.
Let’s stop there for today.
I have breakfast to make for my kid, as part of ‘going back to normal’, before she goes off to school.
They cancelled her bagrut again today, that she’s been studying all weekend for.
She’s in a funny mood.
I don’t blame her.
Somehow, ‘going back to normal’ can feel more challenging than the total abnormal we’ve all got used to, over the last year and a bit.
Now, I’m meant to be straight back into writing books again, and making plans again, and putting together great suppers again… right?
And the kids are meant to be going straight back into straight A’s at school, and believing a university degree will get them a job, and buying into all the lies about how ‘normal’ people are meant to live, and what they are meant to be focusing on and chasing after.
Except they can’t. And I can’t.
And really, neither can anyone else.
So the ‘normal’ is anything but.
You might also like this article: