After months of masks, followed by Meron mass-murder, followed by the 4th intifada and another war… Israel is apparently now going back to ‘normal’.

And honestly, I think that’s the most head-wrecking part of all this.

The ‘normal’ that suddenly pops back up, after months and months of people living on their nerves, and their emuna, and sitting here feeling like it’s the end of the world, and that Moshiach must be just around the corner.

And then that all disappears again, somehow, and we ‘go back to normal’.

====

Of course, we aren’t really going back to “normal”, although many of us are trying.

I watch my kids trying to do some of the things they used to love so much, before all this madness began, and I can see that the ta’am, the taste for the world of narishkeit has pretty much gone.

They go to the beach, and it’s not so great.

They go out to the shuk, and it’s OK – but really not so great.

They go shopping – and they really aren’t enjoying it so much (not that they ever really did, but it’s definitely even less enjoyable than previously.)

And I’m also experiencing that.

====

Maybe, partly, I’m just so totally and utterly fried-out from one ‘massive drama’ after another, that I’ve kind of shut down and gone into zombie mode.

Especially before the tragedy happened in Meron – like, for weeks before that happened – I was feeling kind of ‘numb’ and finding it hard to really engage with the world, with people.

Since Pesach, it’s been hard to cook, to clean, to find motivation to do anything much.

And then Meron happened, and I barely slept for 3 weeks, while I was working on what really occurred that night, and how the police (taking orders from above) murdered 45 people in cold blood.

By Shavuot, I totally collapsed.

I was sick as a dog for about 4-5 days, and I just wanted some space, some peace and quiet, without having to think about other people.

====

When you’re a mum, you just take the responsibility for things going on in the house.

If there is no food in the fridge – that’s down to you.

If there are no clean clothes, and the plants aren’t being watered – that’s down to you.

But sometimes, when you’ve been stuck with people in your face, 24/7, for over a year – well.

It can get kinda hard to keep the level of ‘service with a smile’ up.

====

And then, there’s how hard all this has been for the other people in my house.

One kid has been doing ‘zoom university’ – non-stop! – all year.

Until Pesach, she’d barely left the house for eight months.

The other one has been trying to complete her bagrut matriculation exams this year.

BH, she has a great school that doesn’t believe in medical fascism, so she’s managed to evade being tested for ‘Covid’ every single week just to go back to class – like nearly all the rest of her friends in other schools.

And she’s managed to evade being locked down for two weeks solid in dorm – like so many of her peers in other schools.

But until recently, she’s still had to deal with the non-stop ‘threat’ that non-vaccinated students wouldn’t be allowed to sit their exams.

====

Poor kid, each time she revises for the bagrut, there’s been another lockdown…. or another ‘medical fascist diktat’ that we’ve had to find a way around, or a mini-pogrom, or a war….

It’s really great we’re ‘going back to normal’, but I can tell you that my kids’ generation is already sitting there questioning what the point of ‘normal’ is.

If it was hard for them to be motivated to do stuff before – or at least, stuff that ‘normal’ people are meant to do – now, it’s even more difficult.

And honestly – I’m in the same boat.

====

I have a lot of stuff to be getting on with, in theory.

More books to write, old books to sort out re-printing, plans to make, ideas to pursue….

And I have no energy or motivation to do any of it.

I’m also just kind of ‘floating along’ here, doing whatever God gives me to do in the day, in the hour, but otherwise, I can’t really think about ‘the future’, or make any firm plans to try and follow through on.

Last week, I was in the middle of a war and another intifada (apparently….)

The week before that, I was knee-deep in the Meron murder cover-up.

The month before that, I was agonizing over the idea that the government here was steadily stripping away every freedom I had, as a human being, in an effort to force me to be ‘vaccinated’.

And now…. it’s all apparently disappeared again.

We’re going back to ‘normal’.

For at least the next 10 minutes.

====

Yesterday, they announced that from June 1, they are cancelling all the ‘green passport’ medical apartheid in Israel.

It sounds like good news – but I’m so jaded about this government, and their secret agendas, and their mass-manipulation policies, that I don’t take anything they say at face-value, any more.

When it suits them, they say this.

And when it doesn’t, they say ‘we manipulated another ‘spike’ in Covid mutations, so now we need the biggest lockdown you’ve ever seen in your life’.

Because all of this – everything – is just fake news.

And you can make fake news up on a whim, it doesn’t need to be ‘logical’ or based on anything.

====

So what’s the takeaway message, here?

At least for me?

That any existence outside of Torah, mitzvot and good deeds – i.e. a spiritual life – is pretty meaningless.

But the last few months, there has been such an onslaught going on that even that stuff hasn’t been coming as easily as it used to.

BH, if not for the talking to God every day, if not for Rebbe Nachman’s teachings, if not for Rav Berland’s prayers – I would be in a real mess.

====

Tov.

Let’s stop there for today.

I have breakfast to make for my kid, as part of ‘going back to normal’, before she goes off to school.

They cancelled her bagrut again today, that she’s been studying all weekend for.

She’s in a funny mood.

I don’t blame her.

Somehow, ‘going back to normal’ can feel more challenging than the total abnormal we’ve all got used to, over the last year and a bit.

Now, I’m meant to be straight back into writing books again, and making plans again, and putting together great suppers again… right?

And the kids are meant to be going straight back into straight A’s at school, and believing a university degree will get them a job, and buying into all the lies about how ‘normal’ people are meant to live, and what they are meant to be focusing on and chasing after.

Except they can’t. And I can’t.

And really, neither can anyone else.

So the ‘normal’ is anything but.

====

You might also like this article:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Man, I’m so, so sick of all this stage-managed violence and drama.

Now, the State of Israel – or rather, the people who are pulling the strings behind the State of Israel, and everyone else, i.e. the Freemason-Frankists, are trying to start a war.

I guess to take everyone’s mind off the government-sponsored terror attack against the worshippers in Meron last week, and to make sure the PM can keep his dictatorship going, even without a mandate to govern.

So half an hour ago, there were rockets in Jerusalem.

====

My youngest demented teenager had a lot of her friends over to celebrate Yom Yerushalayim with a BBQ.

They had their arms full of meat and salad and were on their way to the local park when the sirens went off at 6:05pm

Anyone with more than 2 brain cells wouldn’t need to be told to come back into the house (as we could hear thuds around us…)

But what does that tell you about how many brain cells teenagers have?

I got into a huge fight with her, because she decided she wanted to have her picnic in the park anyway… with sirens going off in Jerusalem for the first time in 7 years… and with thuds happening all around, followed up by some nice gun shots in the distance of our mixed neighborhood.

====

I got so angry at her, I cussed her out then came upstairs just now to read a Tikkun Haklali, to try to ‘protect’ the house from rockets.

(And probably also, to protect the retarded teenager from myself…)

But one way and another, we are definitely back in the war zone.

====

We’ll see what happens next.

But the forces of evil really must be on their last legs in this country, because in the space of 3 weeks we’ve gone through a Tik Tok Intifada, mass murder in Meron, more drive by shootings in the Shomron, and now this: a stage-managed, Freemason-Frankist sponsored ‘war’ with the Arabs, where the totally corrupt Israeli police have been told to ignore any calls for police help from Jews.

Why?

So the Arabs can be emboldened and encouraged to attack more of us, so then there will be an ‘excuse’ for the war required to keep the dictatorship – and the ‘Great Reset’ / Covid 19 plandemic’ – going.

Sigh.

Ad matai, Tatty?

I’ll try to keep you posted on what’s going on, as usual, in my backyard.

But I hope the True Tzaddikim are sweetening all this, and that this is just the last little bit of madness.

Both from the Frankist-Freemasons, and l’havdil a trillion times, my retarded teenager.

====

UPDATE:

Here’s the link, via reader Darin, to the Rav’s ‘Pirkey Nivarchim’ (or however you say it…)

https://www.dropbox.com/s/88lhs2zf88kvil4/The%20Selected%20Chapters%20-%20Hebrew%20%26%20English.pdf?dl=0

Say this, recite the Tikkun Haklali, do some heart-felt talking to God in your own words – and just watch, how fast the evil and craziness starts to melt away.

====

Did you know that the proto-State of Israel was conceived as a ‘eugenicist’ project?

***Important Updates Below***

If you didn’t, I don’t blame you.

The people in charge have tried very hard over the last few years to scrub a lot of uncomfortable facts from the record. But in this post, we’re going to try to piece at least a few of them back together.

It’s not easy reading, but it’s necessary, to really understand a little more about what’s really going on in our world, ‘Covid-19 nightmare 2021’.

Ready?

Let’s begin.

====

I actually started this discussion of the State of Israel’s eugenics agenda in THIS post, back in August 2020.

I’m going to re-post the relevant bit of that below, and then we’ll expand it out more.

====

Eugenics is a direct outcome of Darwin’s teaching about the ‘survival of the fittest’, where Saint Darwin gave his blessing to any human endeavor to rid the planet of those who are viewed as being somehow weaker, or ‘lesser’, in some way.

Darwin single-handedly provided the conceptual vehicle whereby mass-genocide became a ‘mitzvah’ for ‘superior humans’ to engage in, and the world has been suffering ever since.

It’s not something we like to admit, but the whole State of Israel project was conceived as an exercise in eugenics, where the inferior, weaker religious Jew would be totally eradicated, and replaced with a physically strong, morally-unfettered ‘modern Jew’.

See this article for more:

https://www.iaapa.de/zwang/levin.htm

Here’s a little of what you’ll discover:

Physicians and psychiatrists in the Eretz Israel (the Land of Israel) at the beginning of the 20th century studied in central Europe under the influence of German culture. They introduced to this country the ideas of racial improvement. Numerous articles propounding the study and implementation of the doctrine of racial improvement were published in ‘Harefua’ – the journal of the Hebrew Medical Association…


Throughout the 1930s – beginning in 1924, the official journal of the Hebrew Medical Association (HMA) in Eretz Israel (the Land of Israel) served as a propaganda mouthpiece for the ideas and proposals of the proponents of the German doctrine of racial improvement.

While HMA was protesting against the persecution of Jewish doctors in Germany and Austria, under the racist ideas of the Nazi administration, concomitantly it was propounding the same ideas and schemes concerning “mental patients” in Eretz Israel.

A story of hypocrisy and evil is hereby disclosed for the first time.

====

And here’s an excerpt of what one of those Israeli psychiatrists was writing, back in the 1930s:

Contemporary Land of Israel is ready to sacrifice anything for the sake of its youth. For the sake of a sound and far-sighted public control of the development of the young, and for a healthy population policy, we should use means for racial improvement in order to prevent excessive proliferation of the mentally deranged and the worthless who are also unfit for social life“. (14, 1938, 223-6).

====

Kfar Saba’s ‘Meir’ hospital is named for Dr Yosef Meir, who was the chair of the Clalit health fund for 30 years. Here’s what he wrote back in 1934:

“Who is entitled to bear children? The search for a correct answer to this question is the concern of eugenics, the science of improving the human race and protecting it from degeneration. This science is still young, but its positive results are already of major importance … Is it not our duty to ensure that our nation shall have sons who are healthy and whole in body and mind?”

And he went on to write: “For us, eugenics – in general, and in particular for the sake of guarding against the transmission of hereditary illnesses – has even greater value than it does for other nations! … Doctors, aficionados of sport, and those active on the national scene must spread the idea: Do not have children if you are not certain that they will be healthy in body and mind!”

====

Eugenics is why Ben Gurion’s Labor Zionists turned their back on the opportunity to rescue the million Jews stuck in Hungary, right at the end of the war, as documented in Ben Hecht’s book, Perfidy.

They didn’t want those old-style, weak, religious Jews messing up their brave new Israeli world.

Eugenics is why the State of Israel cut off the payot of the Sephardi immigrants back in the 1950s, and left hundreds of thousands of them moldering away in tent cities, second class citizens in every way.

And eugenics is why Shimon Peres felt it was a mitzvah to give 10,000 Yemenite babies to the Nazis running the MK Ultra / Monarch mind control program, for them to perfect their torturous techniques.

See this, for more on the yemenite children affair:

As late as 1959, a Knesset member, Ben-Zion Harel, said a significant number of children were being placed for adoption at Israeli hospitals in “unacceptable ways”, bordering on “trafficking”.

====

And all this stuff with COVID-19 is just the apex of that master plan to rid the world of its ‘undesirable elements’ that has been brewing for over 100 years.

====

Now, let’s add in another bit of the puzzle, from THIS post, I wrote back in February 3, 2021.

In that post, I explained how the State of Israel’s policy on ‘Covid-19’ is apparently being run by the Danek Gertner Institute of Human Genetics, located in the Sheba Hospital.

====

Here’s the relevant snippet from that post, then we’ll get into some new stuff:

As I read up a little about the ‘genetic engineering’ being done on embryos at the Danek Gertner Institute, I come across this blog post, which honestly creeps me out:

(It’s written by an American scientist who attended a luncheon there, shortly before starting a job at the Institute):

“In retrospect, the entire lunch reminded me of a paper I read back in June entitled “On new reproductive technologies and family ethics: Pre-implantation genetic diagnosis for sibling donor in Israel and Germany.”

In this paper, professors Yael Hashiloni-Dolev and Shiri Shkedi analyzed the different definitions of “ideal” familial relationships in order to understand the difference between the German and Israeli populations’ views on new reproductive technologies.

Throughout the paper, Hashiloni-Dovel and Shkedi kept coming back to the idea of the “perfect jewish child.” According them, parents in Israel want nothing more than to have a “perfect” baby…

In all honestly, when I first read this paper, I was not entirely convinced of its accuracy. I believed it to be true in an extremely general sense, but realistically, how pervasive could this attitude be?

However, during our meeting with the Genetics Institute, a similar theme began to emerge. Everyone who spoke with us mentioned [Israeli] society’s need to have children, in particular, perfect children.”

====

So now, I’m sitting here trying to figure out how the ‘Gertner Institute’ that is producing all this Covid 19 ‘data’ and advice for the State of Israel, and spewing out Covid 19 vaccine ‘experts’ all over the media, is connected to the ‘Danek Gertner Institute of Human Genetics’ that has an unmistakable ‘eugenics’ feel to it.

I don’t know what the answer is.

But while I’m continuing to tootle around the ‘Gertner Institute’ website, I notice that they have a ‘Genetic Policy and Bioethics Unit‘.

I go take a look at some of their recent projects, and here’s what I find:

====

In case you missed it, let me draw you attention to that last line, where they set out what they want to do:

A change of standards for legislating health policy, appropriate reduction in the “deification” of informed consent.

Plain English:

Enabling the patient (or perhaps more accurately, ‘victim’) to have ‘informed consent’ is something that the Gertner Institute Bioethics Unit deems to be unnecessarily sacrosanct.

They want to change the way health policy is legislated in Israel, so that ‘informed consent’ is no longer sacrosanct.

====

OK, ready for the new stuff, that starts to bring all this together in a very disturbing way?

A couple of weeks ago, I got this email from one of my readers:

I have a friend who started shidduchim for her daughter.

Their hashkafa is against genetic testing but their Rav said to comply if the other side wants. The last shidduch went down because there was an incompatibility in Dor Yesharim. Her daughter did only the basic tests not anything extra but they tested for the “extras” without letting her know.

It was this extra test that was not compatible. Usually you need to pay a lot more money for these tests and they did it “for free”.  This raised some red flags and my friend was really angry!

You have written on your blog about the gene banks that have been developed here and I wanted to know if there is any possible nefarious connections with Dor Yesharim. 

And in addition there is also new ideas about genetics called epigenetics that says that even if someone has a certain gene doesn’t mean that it would be expressed. Whether it gets activated would depend on the environment.

If this is true, this idea would change the whole purpose of Dor Yesharim!! 

====

So, this is as far as I’d got with researching all this, when other subjects pulled me away again.

But then yesterday, I got this email from my reader:

I wrote to you several months ago with a question about Dor Yesharim. Now as my daughter is approaching shidduchim the issue has seemed more urgent. Do you think you can find out if DY has any evil connections and agenda? I am feeling torn with the debate from both sides. Is this considered normal hishtadlus to protect families from bringing ill children to the world or another disguised eugenics and DNA collection program???

====

Let’s be clear, that I can’t answer that question.

I told my reader that this is definitely a topic for hitbodedut, for talking to God, and asking Him to show us what’s the right path, the right response.

For me personally, the more I look into what’s going on here in Israel, with its hospitals, and its medical community that is drenched in the ethos and outlook of an eugenics agenda that was born in the same cradle as the ideas that nurtured Darwin’s heretical, evil notions of ‘survival of the fittest’ and the Third Reich’s ‘uber-German’ program – well.

Let’s just say I find so much of what is going on disturbing, to say the least.

====

There are very big questions to be addressed here, about how much trying to ‘play God’ is behind projects like Dor Yesharim.

I don’t know the halachah behind all this.

I do know that so many of the people who are deciding on these medical ethics halachahs are the same people telling everyone that untested gene therapies pretending to be ‘vaccines’ are perfectly safe for pregnant women – and everyone else.

Regardless of the true facts on the ground, like this, sent in as a comment by reader Angela:

European and U.S. databases show nearly 10,000 total deaths from experimental COVID-19 shots – April 18, 2021

Link: https://thecovidblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/Health-Impact-News-vaccine-deaths.jpg

“The Pfizer/BioNTech shot has caused 3,760 reported deaths as of April 10. Moderna is responsible for 1,801 deaths, while AstraZeneca sits at 1,086 deaths. Johnson & Johnson is not widely used in Europe. But it is responsible for 15 deaths. All of the shot are responsible for nearly 300,000 total injuries as well.”

====

I have so many red flags around so many of the people, the rabbis, the doctors, the institutions, involved in this ‘genetic testing’ project now, that if it were me – I would tread very, very carefully.

More than that, I can’t say.

Each person has their own narrow bridge to cross, and they have to hold God’s hand to do that successfully.

The last piece of info I just wanted to put out there, in the meantime, is this article, below.

====

I got to it when I started researching R’ David Fuld.

According to the YUTorah website HERE, Fuld is:

[T]he visionary behind the Pre-implantation Genetic Diagnosis (PGD) Laboratory of Shaare Zedek Medical Center in Jerusalem and continues to fund it. In 2003, Rabbi Fuld, along with his wife Anita, researched, planned, and saw to it that every aspect of the laboratory came to fruition.

He gave a whole ‘shiur’ called:

Solutions for the Future: Solving Infertility and Genetic Challenges in Israel

I haven’t listened to it yet, as I don’t have time. But if this subject interests you, please listen to this class, and see if what R’ Fuld is saying sounds ‘right’ to you. See how much he talks about God being the real mover and shaker in the world. See how much he talks about praying for outcomes, vs trying to make them happen ‘with the power and strength of our own arm’, and our own ‘knowledge’ and our own ‘technology’.

And then, decide for yourself, if R’ Fuld’s approach sounds like one you want to get involved in.

Or not.

====

And if you’re still on the fence, then please go and read this article, too:

https://www.szmc.org.il/eng/Departments/Medical-Genetics-Institute/PGD/

 

====

I read it, and shuddered, honestly.

But what do I know?

====

UPDATE:

I’m nearly done listening to the shiur from R’ Fuld.

I’m learning a lot of things, I highly recommend that people listen to this themselves, to understand just how complicated all this is.

The basic argument is, if you can stop a person from developing a disease or a disorder or a medical problem by doing all this ‘pre implantation genetic testing’, then you are halachically obliged to do that.

Personally, I’m very uncomfortable about that idea, and the idea that people are more compassionate on their creations than Hashem, who decides who should be born with defects and illnesses.

This world is a world of suffering. It’s a world of tikkun. It’s a world where we are paying down our spiritual debts via our suffering – and teshuva and prayer and pidyonot.

It seems there is a very slippery slope between the view being promoted by R David Fuld – who sounds very sincere, and had 2 kids die from Tay Sachs, so clearly he feels very strongly about this topic – and a full-blown eugenics agenda.

Listen for yourselves, make up your own mind.

====

But one thing specific thing that I just heard that I feel I should share here is that the Jerusalem posek that R’Fuld is quoting and highly praising, for stating that doing all this genetic testing is the most meuhadar way of doing the mitzvah of uru and pruru (go forth and multiply) – is none other than R’ Asher Weiss.

He’s the medical posek for Shaarei Tzedek hospital, and also the author of this:

https://forward.com/news/453573/jewish-law-for-the-coronavirus/

====

This snippet comes from the RodefShalom website, HERE, but please go and read the whole thing, as that site deals with issues in a very even-handed, unemotional way.

(I.e. pretty different from my approach…)

Rav Asher (Osher) Weiss gave a shiur on The Obligation to Get Vaccinated, summarized here: Is It Permissible to Refrain from Vaccinating Children? The P’sak, based on the following assumptions, is that there is an obligation to vaccinate:

  1. Vaccine caused deaths are unheard of; no one dies and any side effects are only minor and of temporary discomfort,
  2. The danger of the disease is very, very significant,
  3. Medicine today has much more required testing and is much safer than it was years ago.

The following addresses some of the claims the Rav makes in his P’sak, based largely upon the facts presented in the Rodef Shalom 613 presentation, My Vaccine Journey.

====

But here’s the kicker:

(At the bottom of the page of the RodefShalom website.)

Conflicts of Interest

Rav Weiss is the rav of Shaarei Tzedek Hospital in Jerusalem which advocates for vaccines.
Rav Weiss’s Kollel is supported by Rabbi Dovid Fuld and through that Rav Weiss. Rabbi Fuld is so radical when it comes to vaccines that he takes the extreme and dangerous view that parents who don’t vaccinate their children should have their children taken away.

====

Again, there is such a lot of overlap between all the people ra-ra-rarring genetic testing, and the Covid 19 scamdemic advocating jabbing the whole world – including kids – with experimental gene therapies with unknown side effects, that I’m just not getting a good feeling about all this.

To put it mildly.

But as always, make up your own mind.

====

UPDATE #2:

There are very serious questions here, about human beings trying to ‘play God’ – and where that line between hishtadlusss and emunah should be drawn.

Take a look at this article:

https://collive.com/the-problem-with-dor-yeshorim/

It’s a couple who were upset that they weren’t screened for enough genetic diseases by Dor Yesharim, and so they set up their own not-for-profit called J-Screen, which offers to screen people for 200 genetic diseases, and also to give candidates their full results.

Even if all this is well-intentioned, we know what road to where is paved with those.

Reading stuff like this, on the J-Screen website, just makes me feel VERY uncomfortable:

While genetic testing can help clarify a person’s risk to develop certain cancers, it can also have potential emotional, social, and financial implications. For many cancer types, changes in medical care due to a positive result do not begin until age 25 or older; knowing one is positive before then may induce stress and anxiety and could be an emotional burden.

While testing is generally not recommended at this time, there are some exceptions. If you might want to get tested and you are under 21 years old, you can register for a kit and one of our genetic counselors will reach out to review the ramifications of testing before processing your order.

====

We really aren’t in control.

God is.

This whole thing with Covid-19 brought that home to so many of us, and underlined how limited the medical profession really is.

But maybe, not enough still.

====

UPDATE #3:

I just got this from the reader who sparked this post:

Hi!

I called Dor Yesharim just now to try to get some answers and I was left with more questions than answers!

First she did not know which lab they used for testing even though they got the highest rating for reliability! They do use the blood samples for further genetic testing. Each person has to sign that they accept this. Last she didn’t know who was funding them.

Misrad habriut (Israel’s Health Ministry) does give some money but not all.

There are 6/7 incompatibilities each week (about 1-2%).

====

None of this is reassuring, but the bit that personally concerns me the most is this:

They do use the blood samples for further genetic testing. Each person has to sign that they accept this.

====

Wouldn’t you like to know what ‘further genetic testing’ they are doing with your DNA?

I sure as heck would.

But don’t hold your breath for anyone there to actually tell you.

I guess when God decides, that information will come out.

====

UPDATE #4:

I just found out that Dor Yesharim is involved in ‘patenting’ recessive genes. See this article for more details:

https://forward.com/culture/130059/lawsuit-filed-over-familial-dysautonomia-genetic-p/

And also, read this article – which provides one potential – and very disturbing – possible reason why so many ‘frum’ families are apparently carrying recessive genes that only ‘activate’ when people who are too closely related to each other get married.

====

Yes, we’re back to the rampant immorality that was occurring by the Frankists 200 years ago.

I’ll leave this here for now, but lots and lots of food for thought.

And if it were me – I wouldn’t touch these genetic testing ‘services’ with a barge pole.

====

You might also like this article:

One of my readers sent me some very interesting additional information about ‘Freud the Frankist’.

I’m sharing it with you below, because I think it’s amazing how all the different pieces of this puzzle are starting to fall together.

Remember that Frankist Freud, and his twisted ideas, are the basis of modern psychiatry and psychology – even though so many of his ideas are now discredited.

They still created the foundation that modern psychiatry / psychology is built on, and that has lead us directly to a world where people are encouraged to believe their brains are somehow ‘broken’; that there is no soul, and that their mental illnesses and issues are genetic / inherited issues – as opposed to directly due to traumatic experiences and psychological (and other…) forms of abuse.

====

The core of people – their soul – is fundamentally good.

But then they then get ‘caught’ in some massive klipot, or shells of evil, because of all their hardships they experience, especially as children, plus ‘intergenerational trauma’, that’s passed on in the RNA of the genes for up to 4 generations.

Exactly as described in the Torah.

You could basically throw away the whole DSM and boil everything down to one issue, one ‘disorder’, namely:

PTSD and C-PTSD.

I.e., mental issues that arise as a result of experiencing overwhelming trauma, either acute or chronic, usually inflicted by caregivers (aka ‘parents’.)

That’s it.

====

Once you know that, you can really start to deal with the issues at their root, in the traumatised ‘nefesh’, while also strengthening the core soul, or neshama.

But what did Frankist Freud do?

He came along, and turned white to black.

He told all these poor people in Vienna who were being abused physically and in other shocking ways by their Frankist-Freemason parents (from pretend ‘Jewish’ families, and non-Jewish families) – that they were making the whole thing up, and that the problem was all with them, and their ‘broken psyche’.

And at a stroke, he let the real evil, and the real perpetrators, off the hook for at least the next 50 years.

A kid would have some hazy memories of being intimately abused by a parent – as happened and happens ALL THE TIME in these horrible ‘reverse kabbalah’ households – and then thanks to Freud, no-one believed them, even if they did get the courage to share it with someone else.

Honestly, it’s sickening.

====

Alice Miller called this out in many of her books.

She was a practising Freudian analyst for 30 years, when one day, she realised that Freud’s whole approach was to blame the child for the faults and sins of the parent.

Here’s a little of how she summed it up, taken from Wikipedia.

“For twenty years I observed people denying their childhood traumas, idealising their parents and resisting the truth about their childhood by any means.”..

Miller was critical of both Freud and Carl Jung. She scrutinised Freud’s drive theory, a device that, according to her and Jeffrey Masson, blames the child for the abusive sexual behaviour of adults.”

====

You can see her website HERE, and she died (by suicide) in 2010.

She came from a Jewish background, married a Catholic, and probably knew a lot more about what was really going  on behind the scenes in pretend-Jewish ‘reverse kabbalah’ homes than she let on.

====

Don’t think this is just yesterday’s problem, btw.

There is a true epidemic of mental illness and abuse engulfing the world today, and that’s why so many people are hooked on drugs – prescribed and otherwise – to deal with their emotional pain.

Even today, warped psychiatry and big Pharma are trying to deliberately obscure the link between traumatic experiences in childhood and mental illness as an adult.

While the CIA was busy setting up ‘MK Ultra’ and ‘MK Monarch’ projects to develop trauma-based mind-control techniques of small children, and the Tavistock Institute was developing projects to ‘traumatise’ us all into submission on a mass-scale, their puppets in psychiatry and psychology are still pretending that childhood trauma:

a) really doesn’t happen so much and

b) is not such a big deal, anyway.

====

False Memory Syndrome‘ is just the latest in a long line of ploys to persuade the victims of childhood abuse – and everyone else – that they are making it all up.

There are no bad people in the world, doing bad things…

There are no Frankist-Freemasons, ritually abusing and torturing their children (and others….) 

There are no bad parents, just ‘bad kids’ who deserve to be punished….

Whatever.

====

So, here’s what my correspondent wrote to me, about Frankist Freud.

Bezrat Hashem, as more of the real truth starts to be told about the people who have shaped our modern world, the scales will fall from the eyes of more and more of us, and all the evil, and the evil ideas, they created will crumble to dust.

Amen.

====

There was a book written precisely on the subject of Freud from this perspective:

Sigmund Freud and the Jewish Mystical Tradition, by David Bakan.

In it he explains, as I recall, how Freud’s father-in-law, a Reform rabbi and Frankist inspired his entire system of psychology.

Freud himself was a member of the Freemason-inspired Bnei Brith.

I began to write a book on this subject a number of years ago (unfinished).  I quote an excerpt at the bottom of the page.

In essence, Freudian psychology makes the “id” which is another term for the yetzer hara, the most pinimi part of a person, and a person’s yetzer tov, it calls the “super-ego” which is basically a person conscience, something hitzoni. 

Therefore, it managed to convince the entire world that they need to follow after their yetzer hara ad hasof, since this is their “truth”, and not follow any type of morality, since this is superficial and imposed on them.

Thus we have the incredible breakdown in morality that we see in every part of the world at the moment, and the nasty, bitter war against religion, particularly Judaism which is the original “super-ego”.

====

Sigmund Freud and the Kabbalah of Self-Destruction

The basic self-destructive tendency of Freudian psychology and its offshoots are rooted in a 300 year old messianic religion which took one bizarre turn after the next.  Eventually this religion found its way to Vienna, where Freud was apparently exposed to its thinking and thereafter began to formulate his system of psychoanalysis, disguising, either deliberately or indeliberately, its precepts in scientific, medical jargon.

This is described in detail in the book, Sigmund Freud and the Jewish Mystical Tradition, by David Bakan.

In truth, the mystical tradition which Bakan is describing is the system of Shabbatian kabbalah that was formulated in the second half of the 17th century.  This should be distinguished from genuine kabbalah, Jewish mysticism, which is much more ancient and is the very opposite of the self-destructive trend.

The kabbalah that Freud chose to base his ideas on is the kabbalah of the false messianic movement of Shabbatai Zvi (1626-76).

In the midst of Shabbatian-dominated late 19th century Vienna, he took the Shabbatian religion, got rid of the false messiah, dressed it up in scientific formulas and sold it to the world.

And the world bought it, and philosophically became Shabbatians in the way they think, completely unaware of the fact.

====

And that explains a heck of a lot, doesn’t it?

TBC

====

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Rosh Chodesh Adar rolled in, and I felt a black cloud start to descend.

So much fear about ‘what will be’…

So much sadness about what is ALREADY happening….

So much anger about all these dumb, evil people, all these ‘selfish narcissists’, psycho parents, egotistical bloggers, fake prophets, Dr Evils, neo-brown-shirt politicians, bureaucrats and journalists etc etc etc.

Man, I’ve been swimming in an ocean of difficult feelings the last few days.

====

Just so much anger at God, so much worry about everything that’s going on, so many recriminations against other people.

And then yesterday, I realised something that changed the whole picture:

I’m having a flashback.

I wrote all about that on my old website, which is sadly no more, but the basis idea is that ‘big feelings’ that we couldn’t deal with from the past can roar back in the present, and ‘drag us back’ to that traumatised state of mind that was never properly dealt with and defused.

====

As soon as you realise what’s going on with emotional flashbacks, they diminish by at least 75%, instantly.

What sparked my ‘flashback’ off was a few different things, including in no real order:

  1. Getting into a minor car crash – which reminded me of the horrible crash I had after the Baba Sali, that meant I had to sell my house and move to Jerusalem in very difficult circumstances.
  2. Having to deal with someone else’s ‘psycho mum‘ – which reminded me of the horrible narcissists I’ve had to deal with in my own dalet amot – until everything got sweetened with a few different pidyonot paid across to Rav Berland.
  3. Seeing that video by Yair Elitzur, filmed in Chut Shel Chesed – which brought back to me just how many high hopes we had when we first moved to Jerusalem of belonging to a real, Breslov community. And how badly they got dashed.

====

If you’ve been with me on the blog for a while, you’ll already know what I’m talking about.

And if you haven’t been with me that long- go buy THIS or THIS or THIS on Amazon, and catch yourself up.

Point is, God has been shoving all these ‘unprocessed’ emotions in my face the last 3 days, because He finally wants me to really deal with them.

And point is, probably He’s also been shoving a whole bunch of ‘unprocessed emotions’ in your face, too.

So, it’s not that your husband / mother-in-law / boss / kid / neighbor is now more annoying and upsetting and dumb than they’ve ever been before.

It’s just that God is using them to do some emotional spring-cleaning.

We’re coming down to the wire, there is no more lying to ourselves about what we really think and feel, what we’re really experiencing and why. This is the world of truth, people, and it’s roaring in a million miles an hour.

====

So, once I realised all this, and I spent some time in hitbodedut finally acknowledging all these deeply buried, undigested feelings, I started to feel way, way better and happier and calmer.

And probably, you will too.

====

I speed-watched most of Rav Anava’s new shiur yesterday, and he made some good points, similar to what I’ve been banging on about on this blog for years, that working on our bad middot is the real test, before geula kicks off in earnest.

(Ooooo, I just had a thought: do you think that I could be Moshiach? I mean, I have a blog…. and I (sometimes…) talk about Torah sources… and (two years ago) I also had a Youtube channel… and I also called out Bill Gates for being a psycho eugenicist when that wasn’t so popular…)

No?

Ah well.

Maybe if I had more of a beard….

====

Which brings me to this:

If you want the upshot, it’s basically saying that having some of the Rav’s prayers in the house is akin to smearing blood on the lintels, ahead of the Plague of the Firstborn, that decimated Egypt – and finally led to the Israelites being freed.

The way things are going, I would highly recommend you get your skates on, and get some of those prayers for yourself, your friends and your family members, while you still can.

(Reality check: I have a lot of friends and family members that I’ve basically given up on, when it comes to Rav Berland.

I guess this is the midda kneged midda part of the process, that anyone who bought all the media lies about the Rav has removed themselves from being able to access the protection of segulot like this. It’s sad, but I can no longer be bothered arguing with anyone, directly, and they’ll have to live with the consequences of their own decisions, like we all will.)

====

The latest update on the Rav is that last week the court decided that he could go to house arrest, if he puts up a total of 4 million shekels (!!!!) in bail money, and agrees to have no phone, no contact – at all – with the outside world, and especially not his community.

Let’s be clear: THERE IS NO CASE.

There never was.

And even if there was a case, surely the year he’s already spent in prison would be equal to any possible sentence they could hand down for the ‘crime’ of doing pidyon nefesh for people?

So, thanks for nothing, cr*ppy State of Israel, who is now extorting a huge fortune out of the Rav and his community, at a time when all the borders are apparently sealed shut, so the ‘flight risk’ is the lowest it could possibly be.

But it’s still progress, of sorts.

Moshiach is riding on a donkey, the process is going excrutiatingly slowly, but it’s still going.

====

Which brings me to this, the last thing for today.

It’s a comment that was left on both the Shirat Devorah and Tomer Devorah blogs – bloggers who bought all the lies about the Rav, and so now refuse to link to anything from the ravberland.com website, or about the Rav.

Which is a shame, because that’s where you are really going to find the real information, the real news, you need to get through the next part of this process intact, however ‘switched on’ you might otherwise be.

The commentator, who calls themselves ‘Real News’, basically synthesized a lot of information from the English and Hebrew Shuvu Banim sites, amongst other places – but God forbid, anyone should link to those sites, or say anything positive about Rav Berland in the comments section of those blogs!!!

I mean, Rav Berland doesn’t have a blog… or a youtube channel… and he never called out Bill Gates for being a (probable) transgendered eugenicist loving psycho live on TV, so for sure, he can’t be Moshiach….

====

Here’s the comment, in the meantime.

I’m bringing it because that ‘fear’ the Rabbanit Stern spoke of, starting Rosh Chodesh Adar, is internal.

It’s linked to all the unfinished emotional business I covered above.

Forewarned is fore-armed, because this process is only going to intensify now, regardless of the Covid 19 Purimshpiel, or the ‘Iranian Nuke’ Purimshpiel, or the ‘war between settlers and arabs’ Purimshpiel, and all the rest of the fake news.

The real war of Gog and Magog is emotional; it’s internal; it’s the war of emuna and emunat tzaddikim.

It’s the war of finally owning up to our bad middot.

And if you’ve been skipping doing that work – well, the consequences of your actions and ego are about to be revealed openly.

There’s no more running away.

There’s no more hiding.

Because that ‘donkey’ that Moshiach is riding is almost here.

====

Real News said…

On June 11, 2020, Rav Yehuda Sheinfeld said, “We are in the last stages of the chevlei Moshiach (birthpangs of the Moshiach). All that’s left is the final few months of the chevlei Moshiah.”

Rav Yehuda Sheinfeld, shlita, is a well-known kabbalist, and close student of the late Milkman, z”tl (https://bit.ly/2ZcJh1B).

This article was published on June 11, 2020. From June 11, 2020 to March 14, 2021 is 9 months and 3 days. Fortunately, the Gemara says that in [the month of*] Nissan we were redeemed from Egypt and in Nissan in the future we will be redeemed in the final redemption (Rosh Hashanah 11a).

*Not on Pesach.
———–
On October 14, the daughter of Rav Dovid Chaim Stern, one of the biggest Kabbalists living now, Rabbanit Stern who is a very big Tzaddaiket said the following:

Then she said: Listen well – the Mashiach is very close and will be revealed soon. In the month of Adar, there is going to be a lot of chaos in the world, in Israel and all over the world, there will be tremendous confusion, many people will die.

Many well respected rabbis are also not going to merit receiving Mashiach, they will not survive, because they are not really tzaddikim.

Why? She said that for them the main thing is learning Torah and they disregard all the requirements of bein adaim l’chaveiro, how a person is supposed to treat others. Love of your fellow man. Not to listen or speak lashon hara.

All those people defile the mitzvah of doing chessed/kindness to others, will not be around when Mashiach is revealed. Ba’alai Machloket, those who stir up strife, will not be around.

Also, those who are not tzinut/modest, they will also not be around when Mashiach comes. Everyone now has time to fix the sin of lashon hara/speaking or thinking badly about others. We have until around the month of Adar (the month when Purim falls), which is around March. It is 4 months from now.

Everyone needs to fix everything in the next 4 months. She continued and said that those who remain will merit to greet Mashiach in the month of Nissan (the month when Pesach falls).

Rabbanit Stern herself said in a recording that there will be tremendous fear, in the world, in the month of Adar. Everyone in the world will be scared, more than right now.

She said, the main thing to work on is Interpersonal Relationships.

The Redemption already has begun, but it is hidden.

There are a lot of people who will not merit to be around.

She said by Pesach there will be a beautiful Redemption (http://bit.ly/3pkDod6).
—–

Remember, you can go HERE to download a bunch of Rav Berland’s prayers for free, to distribute.

And you can also get hard copies of all four of the prayer books on Amazon, by clicking the links below:

Rabbi Eliezer Berland’s Prayers: Prayers for every day, and every situation

Rabbi Eliezer Berland’s Prayers 2: Prayers for Health and Wellness

Rabbi Eliezer Berland’s Prayers 3: Prayers for Holy Children

Rabbi Eliezer Berland’s Prayers 4: Prayers for Shalom Bayit

====

====

UPDATE:

I got this message from Ida-Fake-Name, and it’s making some good points, so I thought I’d post it up:

Name: Ida-Fake-Name
E-Mail: ida@fakename.com
Subject: comments – the light in the darkness

Message: Dear Mrs. Levy,

This is in response to your responses in the comments section and your newest post. Since the original intent was not in any way to embarrass you, it seems better to respond in a private message… feel free to copy any or all of this to comments or other posts (not out of context, of course). The intent is to help, not to attack and create machloket.

The intent of the original comment was not for bizayon or to attack Rav Berland or you. You generally have very thoughtful posts with a high degree of scrutiny – your “BS-O-Meter” or whatever you want to call it. Generally you investigate things and present them with a critical approach…

In this post, you started writing about all the experiences bringing back different things that needed to be sorted out, etc., and how you were trying hard to change the narrative of Adar / Purim of past years. You talked about spring-cleaning and self improvement, etc., which were great thoughts, insights, goals, and everything. Then you went on to mention Rabbi Anava’s shiur… and went on to make what was either an attempt at humor or a passive aggressive attack either on Rabbi Anava or on other people who hold him in high esteem. The whole “(Ooooo… do you think that I could be Moshiach? blog, youtube, bill gates, etc… maybe if I had more of a beard…” You just got done writing such wonderful things about self improvement, working on middos, etc., then continue into making fun of a rav who, whatever you think of him or others’ opinions of him, has totally dedicated himself to serving Hashem, to emet, to teaching other people and has seriously impacted thousands upon thousands of lives with his shiurim. Whether you agree with him or what others think of him or whatever, the point is is that he’s a holy Jew who is trying to bring kavod Shamayim to the world… and he’s being made fun of – again, not clear if you’re just being silly or whatever, but it comes off as passive aggressive / bitterness, perhaps even bitter that there are people out there who rejected Rav Berland while seemingly embrace Rabbi Anava (this especially seems true based on the later paragraphs about two other blogs who bought all the lies and about “Rav Berland doesn’t have a blog… etc etc etc… he can’t be Moshiach…”). With all of the talk about loving people, accepting them, seeing that they’re here to help us with our middos, fix ourselves, etc., this feels pretty bitter…

That’s what initiated the original comment, although looking at it again, that wasn’t really clear to you that it was the motivation… personally, it really had nothing to do with accepting or rejecting Rav Berland either as a holy Jew, a rav, the tzaddik of the dor or anything.

At the very least, you have made a very convincing argument (here and previously) that Rav Berland has been treated unfairly by the state (understatement) and someone has an agenda to keep him from what he should be doing on behalf of the Jewish people.

That being said, a short while back, you posted the audio of Rabbanit Stern warning very literally to prepare talit / tefillin, a wallet, etc., to be prepared to escape to wherever and you very clearly wrote that you didn’t know to believe it or not, but what would it hurt to be prepared. Fine – but it clearly didn’t happen on Rosh Chodesh the way described in the audio… you went on to write “I’m bringing it because that ‘fear’ the Rabbanit Stern spoke of, starting Rosh Chodesh Adar, is internal.” So now things are being “interpreted” – sure she said to literally prepare a wallet and talit / tefillin and get ready to run to “you’ll know where” on Rosh Chodesh… but she didn’t really mean it literally – it’s a metaphor or something.

That’s what it sounds like you’re saying… which is what was written in the original comment that if someone else related to something like that in a similar way, you would probably call them out on it. It’s like you couldn’t say she was wrong, because now she has something new to say that is good or helpful or whatever… you went on to quote a comment someone else posted, I think from Rav Berland’s website, that Rabbanit Stern is making more predictions or whatever… but who is she and based on what should we now believe her? Because her previous explicit predictions / warnings were inappropriately taken literally when really it was all figurative? On rosh chodesh we were supposed to sleep with our figurative wallet next to our bed and be ready to escape in a metaphoric way for really being somehow turned upside down internally to work on our unfinished emotional business?

“She said by Pesach there will be a beautiful Redemption” – certainly we all hope so!! But was that contingent on the whole upheaval on Rosh Chodesh Adar that didn’t take place? Or really it did in a spiritual / metaphoric / internal way and whoever “ran out with their wallet” in an internal way will now be redeemed?

The point isn’t to keep harping on all of this – my problem was with the less than critical analysis of Rabbanit Stern’s previous warning, then jumping to bringing more of her predictions – from my perspective, none of it had to do with Rav Berland one way or the other – from what is written on your blog, it doesn’t look like what Rabbanit Stern said related to him directly.

In summary – your whole post started talking about how we need to relate to what happens to us by working on our middos, fixing ourselves (ie, it’s not about the other person, it’s about looking inward). Then you apparently mocked Rabbi Anava (which again, regardless of what you think of him or what people say about him, he’s very sincere in his intention), and seemed very bitter… that was followed by not adequately addressing a failed prediction, then bringing further predictions from the same person… then in the comments when the whole part about the comments of Rabbanit Stern were being related to, you responded very angrily and rudely and defensively about the comment having a “dissing the Rav vibe” that you picked up from a mile away.

It seems you should have taken the time to relax and examine it from closer than a mile away and perhaps you could have deciphered the original intent. Apologies for not making it clearer and more explicit and also for seemingly calling you out in the comments – the intent was not to embarrass you, but more to challenge you. You many wonderful things and seem like you want to get to the emet, whatever it is, and therefore challenging your conclusions seemed within the realm of acceptable. Please don’t take it personally and forgive me.

====

Takeaways:

  1. Thanks for prompting me to clarify that my intention was not to mock Rav Anava, God forbid.

He’s a brave person, and he’s doing his best to strive after truth. My intention WAS to mock the people who keep coming up with one ‘personality’ after another who they think is moshiach – including politicians, ex-cons and even non-Jews, without even trying to consider whether they ‘fit’ what the Jewish sources say about the identifying signs for Moshiach.

I can see that I was writing from a bitter place, for a few different reasons, and I appreciate the thoughtful discussion about it. As always, I’m a flawed human being, and I was having a really bad few days, when I wrote this piece.

2. I forgive you, Ida-Fake-Name, for the upset caused.

Please also forgive me for carpeting you publically on the blog.

As a footnote, it would be much easier to avoid nastiness if you would use your real name in future, when commenting.

I try to abide by the laws of lashon hara, but when someone is ‘anonymous’ – they don’t apply. And that’s sometimes too hard a test to pass, to have a loophole for evil speech and not to use it.

3. I AM very frustrated with a lot of the bloggers out there.

It’s frustrating me that other ‘opinion formers’ in the Jewish blogging world are refusing to even discuss the possibility that they got it wrong about the Rav.

But you are right, that approaching this subject with bitterness is counter-productive.

God is doing everything, after all, even apparently hardening the hearts of these people.

So, BH, we’re squared off now, and I’ll put a comment up under the other comments, so people can come check back on the update for this post.

====

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A couple of days ago, I was having a chat with my friend S.

We were talking about her sudden realisation that there is a ‘parallel universe’ going on in the world, that is not at all soft and fluffy, and that is the very antithesis of everything you and I want for the world, and for ourselves, and for our children and grandchildren.

That’s a terrifying thought.

And most people will quickly shut it down and run away from it – unless they are building the capacity to hold ‘truth’ in their minds and souls via regular talking to God sessions.

====

My friend has been doing hitbodedut, on and off, for a while already.

But she said to me:

I don’t get the same sort of ‘messages’ you get from God.

I told her I don’t believe that.

====

EVERYONE is getting messages from God all the time, regardless of whether or not they are actually talking to Him every day.

So then we got into a very interesting discussion about what a ‘message from God’ actually is.

My friend asked me to write about it, because she thinks it will help more people out there to take themselves, and their spiritual connection to God, seriously.

So this post is in her zchut.

====

Very, very rarely, do I get what most people would think of as a ‘message from God’ in my hitbodedut – i.e. some sort of statement or clearly stated answer to a problem I’m grappling with.

It does happen occasionally, but most of the time, God is actually sending the ‘messages’ via a much simpler route, namely:

Our feelings.

====

There has been a war on humanity recognising our true feelings for well over a century.

And probably even longer.

But let’s deal with the most recent bit of this ‘war’ against the part of our soul that goes by the name ruach.

The story starts with the cocaine-using Sigmund Freud.

A lot of the families in Viennese high society were riddled with horrible, unspeakable acts of child abuse and incest.

When Freud started psychoanalysing his patients, a lot of these disturbing memories and stories started to leak out in those sessions.

At some point, Freud realised that if he pursued this line of action – i.e. openly linking people’s mental issues and soul-disfigurement to all the abuse and trauma they’d suffered in childhood – he would be totally shunned in Viennese society and made persona non grata.

So instead, he took the coward’s way out, and sold out abused children for at least the next 60-70 years, by claiming all these ‘memories’ of terrible child abuse and incest by parents were repressed ‘Oedipal’ tendencies.

In other words, he totally and utterly lied.

And he totally and utterly invalidated these children’s traumatic experiences, and memories and even more crucially, their feelings.

====

It’s hard for me to not think that Freud himself must have been morally compromised from the start, to have done that.

But I guess we won’t know until Moshiach comes and shows us exactly what’s been going on.

What is beyond a doubt is that the ‘legacy’ of Freudian psychoanalysis has led to some of the worst crimes against humanity being covered up and repressed for well over a hundred years.

It’s a classic ‘gas lighting’ tactic of narcissistic abusers to keep telling their victims that they can’t trust their own memories, their own experiences, their own minds, their own feelings.

And Western society has been built on a paradigm that encourages parents to ‘socialise’ their children out of feeling what they really feel, and out of trusting themselves on a deep soul level.

====

Modern society shames people – especially women – for feeling.

It calls us names like ‘over-emotional’, and ‘weak’, and even ‘bi-polar’ and ‘clinically-depressed’ – when really, all these feelings we have, some of which can sometimes be overwhelming and debilitating, are just reactions to things we are experiencing in the world.

Clinically depressed people have ALWAYS had some sort of severe emotional neglect and / or abuse in the past, usually from a parent in a childhood, and especially from a mother.

====

Clinical depression is just an extreme form of the FREEZE response to being placed under chronic or acute stress. 

And as such, it’s a perfectly ‘normal’ reaction, albeit not a pleasant or useful one.

No-one’s ‘brain is broken’.

Once people understand that all of their emotional states – even extreme ones – contain messages from God about what they need to deal with, recognise, work on, change or accept, the ’emotional state’ itself gets way, way easier to work with and tame.

====

Same with things like ADD – which is just an extreme FLIGHT response to acute or chronic trauma.

Give me any ‘mental health issue’, and I guarantee it’s rooted in some sort of unpleasant experience, or experiences, or fear, or ‘stress’, that the person’s primitive brain is reacting to.

(If you’re interested, I wrote a whole book on how the stress response reacts in different people, called People Smarts, which you can find on Amazon HERE.)

====

The point being, that God uses our feelings to communicate some very important messages to us.

For example, so many of my ‘messages’ come from a feeling I have that something is not quite right with a certain picture, or person.

In the past, when my ‘BS-O-Meter’ would start to ping off, I would often just try to ignore it or bury it. I’d been socialised by society to keep talking to creeps and yucky people even when they were making me uncomfortable.

That put me into some very vulnerable positions, because the ‘difficult characters’ out there quickly recognise when they are dealing with someone who can’t stand up for themselves when they need to – and that’s when life can get very unpleasant, very quickly.

Now, when it dings off, I pay very careful attention to it.

====

In my hitbodedut, I’ll go back in and I’ll try to figure out why a certain something, a certain someone, is making me feel stressed, unhappy, nervous, angry, on edge – whatever it might be.

I can’t always pin it down – and it’s not always the other person’s problem, either, sometimes they are just triggering something that is entirely my issue to deal with.

But the point is, that God is sending me that ‘feeling’ as part of a message that needs to be decoded and analysed.

Once I learned to start respecting my own feelings, and to give them the ‘space’ they needed for me to really know what it was I was actually feeling, my extreme mood swings pretty much disappeared overnight.

Now, I have no problem standing up for myself against all the creepy, yucky people out there, and as a result, my life is way less complicated and much, much happier than it used to be.

====

But ‘feeling’ messages can also work in a positive way, too.

When I didn’t know anything about the Rav, Rabbi Berland, for example, my starting point was a feeling that something was ‘off’ in all the reporting about him.

I couldn’t put my finger on it exactly, but it just didn’t feel right.

That’s when I started doing my own research to see what was really going on, and that’s when I started to unpick the whole, sordid story of how the Rav had been framed by the same evil people who are now pulling the ‘COVID-19’ con trick on us all, via the media.

====

But even when I had a bunch of information that seemed to show the Rav was totally innocent of any of the charges that had been fabricated against him, I still took a few months to really work through what my soul was telling me about him.

When I thought about the Rav, what was the feeling I got?

Calm and happy, or uneasy and anxious?

Time and time again, when I explored my real feelings in hitbodedut, I got the ‘calm and happy’ vibe back.

That’s what gave me the courage to cautiously approach the Rav more, and to risk being more part of his community.

But even then, anytime I got even a whiff of the BS-O-Meter going off, I stopped to explore it in my hitbodedut, and to work out the messages that God was trying to give me.

Not everyone around a True Tzaddik is a true tzaddik themselves, and yucky people automatically gravitate to positions where they can have a ‘presumption of innocence’ and trust.

====

Thank God, really, for all the persecution of Shuvu Banim and the Rav.

Because it smoked out so very many of the ‘yucky’ people, who quickly peeled off and went somewhere else, where they didn’t have the whole world poking holes in their cover stories and actively seeking out their misdeeds and bad middot.

The people who are left are, for the most part, some of the best people in the world.

They are people who have been constantly humiliated and disgraced – and who have continued to stand up for the Rav, and continued to try to do what’s right, even at great personal cost to themselves.

But I digress.

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Most people today have been totally cut off from feeling their own feelings, and owning their own emotions.

We are the ‘Prozac’ generation, who were taught that any feeling that is not fake happy is somehow bad and requires medication.

But all feelings – even ‘bad’ feelings – are actually just messages for us to decode, and clues from Hashem that are being sent to lead us forward in life, somehow.

Feelings are part of the soul level called ruach.

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The soul level associated with the physical body and ‘reptilian brain’ is called the nefesh, or animal soul.

The soul level associated with our mind, higher functioning and connection to God is called the neshama.

And the soul level ‘in between’ these two extremes of ‘animal’ and ‘angel’ is the ruach.

The ruach is the part of the brain that’s actually feeling things.

Then, there’s a fight that goes on between the ‘animal’ brain and the ‘angelic’ brain to frame our feelings correctly.

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When we do hitbodedut regularly – and we try to adopt a more emuna-dik, God-centric approach to life – that strengthens the ‘angel’ brain, and weakens the ‘animal’ brain’s grip on us.

When the ‘angel brain’ is in the driving seat, and ruling over the ‘animal brain’, our extreme emotional states, mood swings and physiological stress responses start to calm down.

BUT ONLY WHEN WE’RE TAKING THE TIME TO ACKNOWLEDGE ANY REAL ‘DANGER’, AND TO NOT JUST PUSH IT UNDER A MENTAL CARPET.

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Let’s use some real-life examples.

If there is a situation or a person that makes you feel very tense – that’s usually a big clue from God that there is ‘something’ there that you are finding threatening or unpleasant.

If you feel wrung-out or down or depleted or ‘missing’ after an interaction, that’s usually a big clue that the other person is sucking way more energy out of you, than they are giving in return. All relationships are give and take, but if you are always the one giving – that’s a problem that needs to be addressed.

For me personally, if I start to feel that someone is trying to manipulate me emotionally with guilt trips or ‘save me’ stories (who aren’t my kids…), I will pull back sharply and put up a barrier.

In the past, I used to feel so bad for other people, I could really get taken advantage of.

Now, when I get that ‘uncomfortable’ feeling in the pit of my stomach, I don’t push it down, I listen to it, and I make a conscious decision whether I still want to engage with the other person, or not. 

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All this stuff is part of the ‘conversation’ I have with God – and of course, with myself.

The last thing I wanted to touch on in this post, is that the concept of da’at, of ‘knowing’, can’t really be translated into words, it has to be experienced.

Sometimes, the da’at you get in hitbodedut, in talking to God, totally transcends even things like ‘feelings’ or ‘thoughts’.

So many times, I find myself knowing something, but without being able to explain how I have that knowledge, or why I know it to be true.

That is also how Hashem gives us messages.

And I think that’s probably the most sublime way, Hashem gives us messages.

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Any one out there can get ‘messages’ from Hashem, starting today.

All that’s required is a bit of patience, a bit of work to reconnect to feelings that may have been in the deep freeze for decades, and a bit of courage to follow the truth and the da’at and the direction you’ll get from shemayim, wherever it might take you.

As the world of lies continues to implode, we will need that strong connection to Hashem to keep going through the darkness, and to discern the real light at the end of the tunnel, when it shows up.

Start small, just five minutes a day.

Or even one minute.

Something.

But also remember that God is talking to us via everyone and everything 24/7, and that we are constantly surrounded by opportunities to get to know Him – and ourselves – better.

Don’t be scared to feel, even if those feelings start off overwhelming and ‘angry’.

They are a part of your ruach – mamash, a part of your soul.

And when you make space for them, and really listen to the messages they contain, you’ll see how fast your life starts to transform for the better, and how quickly your feelings become your best friends.

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If you want me to try to explain more about anything here, or about other aspects of talking to God, let me know in the comments.

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It’s an interesting question isn’t it?

When you ask xtians – and the other groups that espouse a similar theology, like Frankists and Sabbateans – they will tell you that ‘the messiah’ will show up, and then all evil will just kind of vanish in a puff of smoke.

Yes, that’s right folks!

As soon as ‘the messiah’ shows up, all our own bad middot, all the drug cartels, all the abusive parents, all the evil billionaire oligarchs, all the fake rabbis, all the nasty terrorist gangs, the CIA, the satanists – every last Dr Evil in the world – they will all just vanish!!!

It would be great if this were true.

But it’s not.

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One of the biggest con tricks that the yetzer hara has managed to pull on all of us is persuading us that ‘evil’ is always and only someone else’s problem.

My country is good. My army is good. My government is good. My economic theory is good. Whatever is good for me (regardless of its cost to others…) is good.

I started fleshing this theme out in the last post when I was talking about the ‘Laban Parenting Paradigm’, that basically states:

Everything belongs to MEEEE, so I can do whatever the heck I want in order to protect my own interests!!!!

But as we learnt in that last post, this is the polar opposite of a truly authentic Jewish approach to parenting – and also the opposite of a truly Jewish approach to life.

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Judaism teaches us that every Jew is responsible for each other.

It also teaches us that the Jewish people have a very big job to do, to rectify the world.

Christians, reform people and crypo-Frankists also like to talk about tikkun olam, so things can quickly get confusing. Let’s try to sort out the difference between an authentic Jewish approach to tikkun olamand the other guys’ approach.

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In a nutshell, Judaism teaches that we fix the world, by fixing ourselves.

It’s our prayers, our mesirut nefesh, our working to uproot our own arrogance, anger, pride and jealousy and hatred (to name but a few….) that then radiates outwards, and starts to fix the world around us.

In this paradigm, every single person in the whole world, and certainly every single Jew, has an enormous part to play in the process of rectifying the world in order to bring moshiach.

I used to be very puzzled, when I would hear Rav Berland teach that people like me were the ones holding up the geula, and that the secular people weren’t really to blame.

It took quite a bit of time before I heard other shiurim that filled in the gaps, where the Rav explained that if we supposedly ‘religious’ people would take some time to sincerely pray for our fellow Jews, they would make teshuva in an instant.

Why are there still ‘secular’ people in the world, who are far away from Torah and mitzvot? 

Because we apparently ‘religious’ people don’t care about them enough to pray for them to make teshuva.

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That’s why the Rav puts such emphasis on people getting up to say Tikkun Hatzot.

It’s these prayers, in particular, that create a ruach in the world that bring people back to God.

And when people sincerely come back to God, they in turn start praying, and start really connecting their souls up to their spiritual Source, and – most importantly of all – start really acknowledging their ‘inner bad’, and asking God to help them overcome it.

This is how Jews fix the world, and bring geula and Moshiach.

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Sadly, we don’t see a heck of a lot of that going on, not even in the ‘frummest’ areas of the Jewish world, where people are more obsessed with the length of their Torah learning, and their yichus, and their fantastic ‘predictions’ about geula, and the thickness of their tights, than they are with really working on their bad middot.

For years, this puzzled me greatly.

How can it be, that so much of the Jewish world – even the apparently ‘orthodox’ Jewish world – has adopted this xtian paradigm of pretending to be ‘perfect’ on the outside, while committing all manner of misdemeanors behind closed doors?

How can it be, that so much of the Jewish world is effectively teaching that Jews have nothing left to do except ‘polish buttons’, and that Moshiach is just going to show up and fix everything for them?!

This is a xtian idea. It’s a Sabbatean idea. It’s a Frankist idea.

It’s definitely NOT an authentically Jewish idea.

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When people are caught up in this un-Jewish paradigm of tikkun olam, it comes along with a tendency to believe that the problem is everyone else.

When everyone else believes in Yoshki / Shabtai Tzvi / Jacob Frank / [Fill in the blank] – then that dead guy will rise from the grave, and come save the world!!

And all we have to do is believe in him and polish some buttons.

That dead guy will come back, and then poof!!! All the evil will disappear in the world, just like that.

I’m going to stop yelling at my husband just like that…

I’m going to stop being so stingy with my tzedaka just like that…

Don’t you know, that all my miniskirts are going to magically expand into black maxis, my nasty jealous streak is going to evaporate immediately, and all the horrible things I’ve been saying about my friends and neighbors are all just going to vanish, just like that once Moshiach shows up?!

No?

You don’t believe me?

Good for you.

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Breslov teachings, as amplified and clarified by Rabbi Berland, Rav Shalom Arush, and Rav Ofer Erez – amongst many others – make it very clear that the whole work we got sent back down here to do is to work on our emuna, and fix our bad middot.

These two things go hand-in-hand, because if we don’t really believe in Hashem, we will continue to choose the path of being a pious hypocrite, o so makpid in public, for our neighbors’ consumption, and o so yucky in our every day dealings with friends and family members.

It’s only once we realise that we will have to answer for every single person we hurt, every single ‘stain’ we left to grow and metastize on our souls, that we find the koach we need to start doing the work of acknowledging and digging up our bad middot.

If we don’t believe in God, we just will never really bother even trying.

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But it’s only when we start doing the work of trying to dig up our bad middot that our emuna really grows.

Because then, we’ll see that without God’s help, we can’t do anything.

I have spent years and years working to overcome my nasty temper, particularly in relation to my kids, and I can tell you from first hand experience, that the only reason I’m doing so much better today is because I begged God to help me overcome my anger for 10 years +.

And every now and then, perhaps when a smidgeon of arrogance works it’s way back in and I start thinking that I’ve really done something good here, hey?!? – He’ll take the rug out from under my feet and send me a nasty temper fit.

That’s just to remind me that without God’s help, I can’t do anything.

And that’s really good news.

Because the corollary of this is that with God’s help, I can do anything!!!

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I CAN overcome my temper.

And my inability to get out of bed.

And my nasty tendency to complain and whinge and to feel sorry for myself.

And my arrogant streak that likes to tell me that I’m really perfect, and that the problems in the world are really just everyone else’s, and that all I have to do to bring moshiach is just polish some buttons….

(…and aggressively push my ‘religion’ down other people’s throats, so they’ll be sure to recognize my guy as the real messiah, when he finally rises up from the dead…)

With God’s help, I can do all these things and more.

And so can you.

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So, to recap:

Xtians, Sabbateans and Frankists (of all stripes) believe that when ‘their guy’ shows up as the true messiah, the world will automatically get ‘fixed’, and all anyone has to do to get on the ark to salvation is just to believe in their guy, and their religion, and their path.

There is zero talk about working on our own bad middot.

There is zero genuine emphasis on talking to God every single day, and asking for His help.

And there is zero real interest in moving out of the comfort zone, and making the sorts of difficult changes really required to bring the spirit of Moshiach into our own dalet amot.

It’s all flowery ‘bible lessons’, and pointless exegetics, and nice (and often totally untrue…) ‘stories’ and parables about saintly individuals, given over by people who like to pretend that they also belong in that category of ‘saintly’.

Ah yes, plus ‘watch out for the dead guy to rise again and save us’ messaging.

How could I forget that bit?

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By contrast, Jews who are following a path of authentic Judaism believe that the world is only going to get fixed when me, myself and I stop lying to myself about my own bad middot, and about just how much destruction and damage I’m doing every single day – especially to my family members.

Did you spot the difference?

Did you understand that the only way evil is going to ‘vanish from the world’ is when I knuckle down, and start doing the job of digging my own evil out of my own soul, and start praying for others to do the same.

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I love a shortcut as much as the next guy, I really do.

But it pains me a lot to keep reading all this flowery cr*p-dressed-up-as-yiddishkeit about what it’s really going to take to get to geula the sweet way.

That’ll happen when enough of us start to take responsibility for our own actions and negative impact, and stop turning a blind eye to – or even condoning and excusing and perpetrating – evil.

And it can’t happen any other way.

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Over Shabbos, I was reading the parsha.

(Occasionally that still happens 😉

We were in Vayetzei, where Yaakov runs away from his psycho brother, to try and find a wife in the home of his equally ‘difficult’ Uncle Lavan.

As I was reading, I was struck by the parenting paradigm that seems to characterize our holy forefathers of Abraham, Yitzhak and Yaakov – and that of Laban.

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To put it at its most blunt, whereas the Patriarchs and Matriarchs adopted a parenting paradigm that could be summed up as ‘put your kid first, ahead of your own interests’, Laban’s paradigm was the polar opposite.

Laban used his kids to further his own ends.

He ‘sold’ his daughter to Yaakov – as they themselves complain, in the parsha, not even giving them a dowry and instead expecting Yaakov to ‘pay’ for them with 14 years of hard work.

Then, when Yaakov wants to flee, Leah and Rachel tell him Go!!! There is nothing here for us, our father certainly won’t let us inherit anything together with his sons!!! And he didn’t even bother giving us a dowry when we got married, and all his calculations just boil down to what’s best for him.

Or in other words: Lavan didn’t really care a fig about his children, and on some level, they knew that.

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What does all this have to do with us, today?

The Torah is timeless, eternal, don’t you know? Don’t you know, that even today there are parents who will persistently put what is best for them, what suits them, what is most comfortable for them ahead of what is best for their kids.

Sometimes, this is blatant.

Sometimes, it’s clear that the parent is pushing a career, a course of action, a school, a decision, on their kids 100% because it suits them.

Even if it’s the worst thing in the world for their kid.

Other times, it’s way more subtle.

We parents tell ourselves we’re doing everything only for our kids, when we boss them around, use them as a passive ‘audience’ to talk at, push our own ideas and notions down their throats and then react angrily if they dare to disagree.

But if we were a little more honest, a little more humble, a little more willing to explore what’s really going on, inside ourselves, maybe, just maybe, we’d realize that sometimes, we’re actually acting in a very selfish way, when it comes to our children.

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I’d love to tell you that this ‘Laban style’ of me-first parenting is very uncommon, especially in the orthodox Jewish world.

But if I did, I’d be lying.

In the orthodox and not-so-orthodox Jewish world, I’ve seen a long line of parents abusing their children while hiding behind the cloak of kibud av’ v’em.

They rely on a warped understanding of the commandment to respect the parent, which they interpret to mean that the parent can do anything they want to the kid, and hurt them and let them down in any way they wish, and the kid just has to take it and carry on doing what the parent wants.

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Listen, I’m also a parent.

I’m also a flawed human being. I know how easy it is to use kibud av ve’em as a manipulative tool to avoid having to look ourselves in the eye and deal with our own bad middot, and having to make compromises, and having to put up with situations that we’d rather not deal with.

But if I’ve learnt one thing over the last few years, it’s just how much a parent’s mesirut nefesh can heal the soul of their child.

That means the parent is going to give the kid money, time and support – not expect it from their child.

That means that the parent is going to do their best to compromise and back down – not automatically expect that their word should be law.

And it means that as much as we can, we sacrifice what we want, what’s comfortable for us, what’s easiest and nicest for us to choose the path that is genuinely best for our kids.

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Your kid doesn’t want to marry someone from a background you feel comfortable with?

Your kid doesn’t want to join your family business and effectively ‘work for free’ to support you in your old age?

They don’t want to be so frum?

Or maybe, they DO want to be more frum?

There is no way they are going to university…. OR they dafka are going to university?

They do want to vaccinate your grandkids, they don’t want to vaccinate your grandkids….?

All these things – and more, way more – can cut through a parent’s heart like a knife through hot butter.

If we let them. If we adopt Laban’s parenting paradigm.

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What does Laban say to Yaakov?

“The daughters are mine and the sons are mine, everything you see before you is mine.”

When we treat our children as though they are our possessions, to do anything we want with, that’s parenting like Laban.

And if we continue parenting like Lavan, then at some point, for their own mental health, our children will have to leave us stealthily in the night, and run away somewhere far, far away.

For their own mental sanity.

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So, may God help us to put our kids first; to choose what’s right for them over what’s best or easiest for us, and to heal all the broken-hearted children out there (of all ages), who are still so hungry for the real love of their parents.

Amen.

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It’s so strange.

I am sitting here, with no idea what to do with myself.

This is highly unusual – I’m a person who nearly always has a project going on, and the only time I take a break is for a couple of days in between starting the next thing.

But at the moment, I’m finding it hard to motivate myself to really ‘do’ anything. I know it’s the uncertainty. I also know that it’s the fact that every single person in my family is still in my house.

And that’s mamash cramping my style in a million different ways.

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I’m a person who likes to listen to one song, obsessively.

If I like a song, I can easily listen to it six times in a row – and I like to do that. But no-one else likes to listen to my songs six times in a row, so I can’t do that right now, and it’s grating.

(I won’t do that on ear-phones because I listen to the music while I’m doing things like washing up, hanging washing etc, not just hanging out by PC for half an hour listening to music.)

I’m also a person who likes and needs my own space.

I don’t like company 24/7. I’m a writer, sometimes my soul really craves solitude and peaceful contemplation.

That is also part of the reason that my writing is drying up at the moment, because I just am not getting that ‘alone’ time, and where in the past I used to go for long walks to grab it for myself, I can’t really do that because of the coronafascists, that are demanding I mask-up 24/7 while in the fresh air.

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Baruch Hashem, I’m in a pretty big house at the moment.

God really gave me such a present, because we moved to this house a week before COVID-1984 took off, and at the time I couldn’t understand why I’d had such itchy feet to leave the last place.

Very quickly, it became obvious.

This place has 2 floors… and a garden…. And a mirpesset…. And a few other little places where you can hang out, even in bidud (quarantine) and just breathe a little.

So I’m very, very lucky.

But I’m still finding this hard going.

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Usually, I can bang out articles in half an hour flat.

I started writing this 2 hours ago, and then I had to stop to give someone a lift somewhere, and then I had to stop again to help someone else find something online, and then I got distracted by a ‘big conversation’ that was going on.

And now I’m writing this as my eardrums are being blasted to oblivion (again….) by my teenagers’ loud music. Like, really loud.

Sigh.

It’s all just avodat hamiddot isn’t it?

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Friday, I got so frustrated with one of my kids who phoned up to ask for a lift after I’d been telling her the whole week that if she DID want me to get on her Friday, she’d have to let me know by Thursday pm, so I could arrange my Shabbat cooking schedule accordingly.

Thursday we spoke, and she told me:

Yah, mum, I’ll make my own way back, don’t worry.

Are you SURE???????

I asked her.

Because if you change your mind last minute, it’s not going to be pretty….

Yah, yah, I don’t need you to get me tomorrow, it’s fine, mum.

She lied.

At 12pm, Friday, I get another phone call from this same kid:

Err, mum can you come and get me??

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Usually, I really try to be as flexible as possible, especially in these strange COVID-1984 times.

But I just couldn’t. I got so angry at her that I just put the phone down for a minute and pretended that the connection had gone awol, so I could collect myself and not say something I’d regret for the rest of my life.

Long story short, I didn’t go to get her.

And then, I spent the next three hours trying to deal with the overwhelming feelings of rage and anger that suddenly started stormin’ up like a Category 5 Hurricane Rivka.

Man, it was SO hard.

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I simply didn’t talk to anyone in my house, for 3 hours.

Because I was scared that if I said anything, anything at all, it would be really bad.

And in the meantime, I cooked and I asked God to help me, and I tried to not get even more upset when my food started coming out not so good, because I was in such a bad mood.

God, how much longer????

How much longer do I have to stay cooped up with all these retarded people, having to cook all this food all the time, and having to tidy up all the time because there is always so much mess, and washing, because everyone is here, and having to listen to THEIR music all the time, and having to keep working on all these bad middot that keep bubbling up with the constant aggravation and irritation and low-level fear about what’s coming next….

Ad matai?!?!??

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The answer was:

At least a few weeks more, and maybe a few months more, because THIS is the real test, Rivka. THIS.

Hanging out with your family and doing nice things for them and not killing them and working on your own bad middot.

THIS is the real test.

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So, that’s when I realized that I really can’t let the anger and rage burst out and rule me, because it looks like there are many more weeks, if not months, of this test to go. And if I turn into Genghis Khan, it’s going to make it so much harder for absolutely everyone around me.

[Picking this up another hour later, as a kid needed a tremp somewhere.]

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Someone just sent me two recordings.

One is of Rav Pinto essentially saying that what is happening now is very similar to how the holocaust began.

First, there was some ‘low level’ anti-semitism, and then – 7 million Jews got killed.

And then, there was another recording in Hebrew, which you can listen to for yourself HERE:

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This was from the daughter of the famous kabbalist from Bnei Brak, Rabbi Chaim Dovid Stern.

She says that Adar is going to be a very tough, scary month for the world.

That lots of people aren’t going to make it.

And that lots of people that everyone thinks are ‘tzaddikim gemurim’ with big beards and kippahs, and who apparently learn a lot of Torah, are amongst those who won’t be around to greet Moshiach.

When the interviewer asked her why not, Rabbanit bat Stern was very clear:

The whole test is bein adam l’havero – how we treat our fellow man.

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If someone is learning Torah, but abusing their wife verbally and emotionally – they won’t be here to greet moshiach.

If someone is a big Rosh Yeshiva, a leading rabbi, but they are going around stirring up trouble, and getting into arguments with the neighbors all the time, or causing strife and bad feelings wherever they go – they won’t be here to greet moshiach.

All of us have so much teshuva we need to make, particularly in the area of our bad middot and how we treat our fellow Jews.

And top of that list is what’s going on behind closed doors, with our spouses and kids.

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So today, I told one of my girls:

Dearie, it’s suddenly dawned on me that we are probably going to be hanging out together for at least another five months. Prepare yourself mentally, because THIS is the test.

THIS.

To be with our families, without distractions, maybe also without a whole lot of parnassa, and with a lot of external worry and stress, and to still treat them nicely and considerately.

Man, that’s a test.

A massive test.

But with Moshiach truly imminent, it’s slowly dawning on me that that’s the whole point.

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UPDATE:

Daisy just sent me a link to this video (not shmirat aynayim friendly, but well worth listening to:)

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Vera Sherav is a medical doctor and holocaust survivor, who has been fighting for human rights against the medical establishment for decades.

The main point she makes is that we have to stand up for ourselves, and to protect ourselves from people who don’t have our best interests at heart, and to stand up to the bullies that are pouring out of the woodwork, under cover of Coronafascism.

This is connected to all the bad middot I’m talking about above.

When we stop making excuses for our own manipulation of others, and using threats and scare tactics to control others, and forcing others to put what’s good for us ahead of what’s good for them – that’s when we’ll be able to get out from under the jackboot of this Coronavirus dictatorship.

It’s midda k’neged midda.

And once we fix our own middot, the madness will finally stop.

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Mum, I’m worried about you. You’re always forgetting what I told you. I think you have alzheimers….

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Over the last few months, my youngest daughter has been making this statement a few times a month. It annoys the heck out of me, not because I’m in ‘alzheimers denial’, but because I keep explaining to her that when people are totally stressed out of their skulls and preoccupied, it’s hard to remember anything.

Stress damages the brain, at least temporarily, and we all know just how stressed we’ve all been, in a billion different ways, the last year.

So yesterday, she started up with that again and I glared at her, and started to feel a bit upset and angry that she was apparently deliberately winding me up again…when I was in the middle of trying to get another one of the Rav’s books done and sent out…and in the middle of trying to figure out how Beirut’s port being exploded is somehow connected to the new Haifa port being built by the Chinese (completed 2021…) and the shadowy new ‘deal’ the US has apparently just struck for Syria’s oil (CO-IN-CID-ENT-AL-LY on the same day the explosion happened in Beirut….)

…and trying to wash up and do a few other things to keep the house ticking over….

When it struck me what the real problem was.

I haven’t been giving this kid enough time and headspace.

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She’s a good kid, really lovely in so many ways.

But she’s like her dad, inasmuch as that part of the gene pool has a tendency to give over BIG things in very small ways. I have the opposite tendency. I exaggerate for effect, I make a point with pyrotechnic prose – and so, I have been totally missing all these ‘big’ things she’s been telling me in her gentle way, as they haven’t come wrapped in melodrama.

That means she tells me something, and I don’t really pay much attention to it, because it’s not exciting enough to compete with the corrupt Mossad, and what I need to get from Mahane Yehuda for Shabbat, and a million other things.

So then, I’ll ask her again: where are you going tonight? Are you here for Shabbat? You said you do want pasta for supper, or not?

And then she’ll hit me with the ‘alzheimers’ speech, because in a way she’s right that I am forgetting about things. But really, just one thing: her.

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As usual, I didn’t feel so fabulous, emotionally, after I realized what was going on.

I had a few minutes of that raw despair that only a parent can feel. You know what I’m talking about. We want so much to be everything our children need us to be, to give them what they require to grow up feeling loved and emotionally-healthy and connected to God and their souls – and yet sometimes, we just can’t do it.

God, I have no energy for this…

Rivka, are you saying you have no energy for her?

(God always goes right for the jugular.)

That brought me up sharp.

Of course I have energy for her! My kids and my husband are my #1 priority!!!

(In theory.)

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In practice, the last few months my kids and my husband have fallen far down the totem pole again, overlooked in the midst of a million books being written, and a million trips ‘out’, and a million hours researching what’s really going on in the world.

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I turned off my computer.

I went upstairs to where my kid had retreated to her room, and I tried to start a conversation.

I’m sorry I haven’t been giving you enough attention recently. What can I do for you, that would be nice for you? Can I take you somewhere? Do you want to go shopping?

Ima, why do you feel like you always have to just buy something or do something?!

She asked me with that particularly infuriating arched teenaged-eyebrow of disdain.

(Upset teenagers always go right for the jugular.)

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I fought down the knee-jerk response to try to hurt back, swallowed a couple of times, then ‘fessed up.

Sometimes, kid, I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. Sometimes, it’s very hard for me to just ‘be’. So I retreat into doing stuff and going places, because that’s often easier than just sitting here trying to be ‘real’ with you.

What I really wanted to tell her is that every time I wash her clothes, make her food, wash out the cereal bowl that was left for a day in the heat so the grains could all harden onto it like some sort of ceramic decoration – without having a go at her for doing that –  that’s a small declaration of love.

Sometimes, those small declarations of love are all I can manage, because despite the fact that I’m 46, and officially ‘old’, I also feel lost and overwhelmed a lot of the time.

Even when there is no ‘COVID-19’ in the picture.

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Ima, do you want a hug? She suddenly asked me, out of nowhere.

Of course I want a hug…

And just like that, the connection was re-established.

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The rest of yesterday afternoon, we just hung out talking about the small stuff that looms very big in a teenager’s life, and I made a mental note to boost spending time with my teens well up my ‘to do’ list from here on in.

I have one more book to do for the Rav left on my list, before I take a proper sabbatical: One in a Generation #3.

It’s a huge amount of work in every sense of the word.

When that teen likes to really go for the killer blow, she’ll tell me in full-blown teenage troofer mode:

You care more about Rav Berland than you do about me.

In her worldview, she sees me spending hours, weeks, months and years on his books etc, for free, and she sees how engrossed I am in my writing, often to the exclusion of her. What can I tell her?

Those books are changing the whole picture….they are sweetening everything…they are helping Moshiach to come the sweet way…

She is a hardcore teenage troofer.

The more I try to explain about the Rav, the more she tells me to my face that I’m just a card-carrying cult-member-lunatic. I get zero kudos for doing all this stuff. That kid just thinks its conclusive proof I’m a retarded frier-ite.

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Doing all the stuff for the Rav is so important.

But even so, my kids and husband still have to come first.

It’s a tough balance to strike, it’s a very narrow bridge to walk on.

And I got reminded again yesterday, that being a loving parent is sometimes the most challenging job in the world.

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