The last few weeks, I’ve been finding it really hard to talk to God.

I’m still doing it, for an hour a day, but I can’t remember a time when doing hitbodedut was coming so hard.

Not even in the middle of a lot of tremendous suffering, on the personal level, have I found it this hard, for this long, to talk to God.

Usually when this happens, I know why:

I’m angry at Him.

And when you’re angry at someone, it’s hard to speak to them.

====

This morning, I was trying to drill down a bit more, to figure out what, exactly, I’m angry about.

Because honestly?

My own life is about the best it’s ever been right now, on so many levels.

And yet I am struggling to get out of bed in the morning, and I’m struggling to cook, and I’m struggling to do anything except really just stay in my pyjamas and hibernate. I’m acting as though I’m depressed – although I don’t feel depressed, and believe me, I spent enough time in my life feeling depressed to be able to make that distinction.

So, what’s going on?

====

That’s what I was trying to figure out this morning.

And here’s kind of where I got to.

I think I have a very big case of serious yeoush about what’s going on. Yeoush means despair, for those who don’t speak Hebrew.

I think everyone has their own personal package of yeoush going on right now, but for me, it’s based around the feeling I have that no-one really wants to hear what I have to say.

That kind of got underlined with this whole Covid plandemic.

I’ve spent hours and hours and hours carefully researching things, carefully piecing information together, carefully writing posts here, to try to warn people that things really may not be as they seem, and to encourage them to think for themselves.

But most people really just don’t want to hear.

====

And then, once I realised that, I also realised that this is kind of the story of my life.

Last week, I unexpectedly ended up in Caesarea with my husband. Long story short, he really needed the toilet, and we knew where there were public bathrooms in Caesarea, so that’s where we headed.

Our best friends used to live in Caesarea, so we know the place really well. But we haven’t been back for a couple of years, because our former best friends went through a truly awful divorce, and the place is now synonymous (for me…) with a lot of sadness and heartache.

For years, I was begging my friend to start really praying about her husband’s bad middot. For years, I was having discussions with the husband himself, about things that needed some attention – not least, his very unhealthy relationship with his parents.

I wrote about that HERE.

Long story short, his parents basically ruined his marriage, and then her parents basically ruined the divorce.

====

How different things could have been, if they’d both been talking to God and working on their bad middot, and going to Uman, and trying to learn more of Rebbe Nachman’s advice.

Instead, where that family used to be there is now a jagged crater.

And if I’m still feeling it so hard, a couple of years after it imploded, I can’t imagine how my friends and their children must be feeling about it all.

====

Two days ago, I gave a lift to someone who has cancer.

She was moving out of Jerusalem for 3 months, to go somewhere for treatment, and needed a ride. In the car, she was telling me a bit of her life story.

She’s a baal teshuva, married to another baal teshuva, but now in the process of trying to disentangle herself. She’s been married for two decades to a man addicted to alcohol and drugs, who has a massive anger issues.

For 20 years, she was trying to make that marriage work, but now her body is breaking down from the stress, and she can’t do it anymore.

She was telling me about her amazing ‘Rav’, who her husband is close to – and I secretly found myself getting annoyed.

What, this guy couldn’t tell her husband that his bad middot was destroying his marriage and his kids? This guy couldn’t tell the husband he needs to be doing an hour a day of talking to God? That he needs to take responsibility for his anger, instead of pretending like it’s no big deal?!

Most of all, I was upset about all these ‘rabbis’ out there who are keeping people away from the light of the Rav, Rabbi Berland.

Because I know from myself, that so many of my issues only started to resolve themselves when I finally got to the Rav, and could tap into his spiritual koach to really start overcoming my own anger issues, and self-righteousness, and black-and-white thinking.

Until that happened, I was also destroying my children with my own two hands.

All with the best of intentions, of course.

====

But who wants to listen to this?

No-one.

====

Last week, I tried to do a mind-map, to set out goals and aspirations for the next few months.

In the past, I used to do a lot of mind-maps, and I used to get a lot of things done, as a result.

This time around, I wrote down a few headings, and waited for some ideas and inspiration to show up.

Man, it was painful.

I sat looking at the heading called ‘Books I want to write’ for around 5 minutes, until I found myself scrawling this underneath it:

There is no point writing any more books. No-one will read them.

And much as I wish that wasn’t true, I know it is.

====

So here I sit, with all this yeoush, feeling like the world of lies has kind of won, at least, in my dalet amot.

I know that ‘the troof’ isn’t always what God wants to be told.

I also know that God’s seal is truth, and that for as long as we’re telling ourselves and others lies, we are stuck in a sick world, with apparently ‘unsolvable’ problems.

I’m kind of stuck on the horns of a furious dilemma, as so much of what I’m researching, and so much of what interests me, and so much of what I want to share is a ‘truth’ that no-one wants to hear.

And it’s been that way for years.

====

Man, I’m feeling sad writing this.

I know, you probably don’t want to be reading it.

What can I do?

My blog is kind of my last sanctuary, the place where I promised myself to tell the truth, even when it’s painful, even when it reveals me in less than glowing colours – and even when people don’t want to hear it.

Ahh, God.

This world of lies is killing me.

But it seems that ‘the world of truth’ is a very lonely place to hang out in.

====

UPDATE:

First, thanks to everyone who took the time to write or call me after reading this (and also those that didn’t, but had the thought that at least in theory, they would have wanted to reach out.)

I really appreciated your chizzuk, and it reminded me that I’m not alone in all this.

There are so many people like ‘us’ out there, but it seems we’re mostly distanced apart, spread evenly around the globe, as part of Rabbenu’s ‘grid system’, to make sure he’s got the whole world covered with someone who is connected to Rebbe Nachman and the Rav, and trying to get to the truth.

That by itself brought so much comfort – to have all these insightful people sharing their own wisdom, and their own chizzuk and their own emuna.

Thank you!

BH, I am getting back on the horse now.

One of my friends told me that expecting instant results from all this is ridiculous (I’m paraphrasing) and the point is to write for God, and not to write for egotistical reasons and self-gratification.

She’s right.

But sometimes (often…), that’s hard.

But since when was anything truly meaningful in life easy?

Exactly.

====

You might also like this article:

 

 

 

 

 

I know, it’s really heavy right now.

It feels like the whole world is holding it’s breath, waiting to see what will be.

Here is Israel, they’ve started the brainwashing that ‘pregnant women also need to be vaccinated’ – I guess that’s part of the next stage of the medical experiment on humans that Netanyahu is piloting on an unsuspecting population.

One of my readers sent me a link to this story, which states clearly that Israel’s Helsinki Committee has found that this Pfizer vaccine roll-out is definitely a medical experiment on humans.

And so, they should have asked permission (at least….) before giving it, never mind trying to make it mandatory.

Legally, that makes what is going on here illegal, according to international law.

But since when did that stop any of these people from doing any of the yucky things they are up to?

====

You know what keeps me going?

My hour of daily hitbodedut, where God calms me down, and gives me guidance on what I should really be working on, worrying about, and praying for.

Last week, I got the steer to get on with more of the Rav’s books, after a 5 months hiatus.

Baruch Hashem, just yesterday the latest book in the ‘Prayers’ series came out, and you can now buy it on Amazon (hard copy only, for now) HERE.

That’s good news, and it’s changing the whole picture.

Even if we can’t really see it still, right now.

====

Let me cut and paste this here, again, as it’s SO IMPORTANT to understand what’s really going to tip the balance here, between the forces of good and evil:

The Rav’s books and prayers are totally connected to getting geula the sweet way.

Back in May 17, 2020, the Rav contacted one of his senior pupils and asked him to publicize a message in his name that:

“There are such great dinim (harsh judgments) and tumah (spiritual impurity) in the world, but my books and my writings, the Torah and the prayers, are cleaning and purifying all the judgments and the tumah from the world.”

====

Armilus and Moshiach ben Yosef are currently fighting it out.

There is no question that ‘Armilus’ – that smarmy, horrible scumbug, who sold us all out for a billion silver pieces in his Panamian bank account – is going to lose.

But, we also don’t want to lose ‘Moshiach ben Yosef’ in the process, God forbid, and so we have to continue to do our part to give the forces of ‘good’ the spiritual koach required to keep going.

====

That means saying the Tikkun Haklali regularly, maybe at least once a day.

That means saying the new set of tehillim Rav Berland revealed, as per the infographic below:

====

And it also means getting as much of the Rav’s Torah, teachings and prayers around as possible.

So, go HERE to buy the new book of prayers for Shalom Bayit (peace in the home).

And go HERE, if you want to get the rest of the Rav’s books for free – because clearly, this was never about promoting the Rav’s stuff to make some money.

Ha!

That’s the funniest thing I’ve typed in a long time.

I still don’t know if I’ve even covered just the layout costs of maybe three of the books yet…

====

All this is just about bringing geula quickly, and the sweetest way possible.

And YOU are a big part of that.

Yes, YOU!

I know, we all feel so insignificant, powerless and helpless right now.

Honestly?

If we aren’t connecting somehow to the Rav, that’s exactly what we are.

But if and when we connect in to the effort being conducted by the Tzaddik HaDor – that’s when all the prayers, all the mitzvahs, all the yearning start to ascend, and to really turn things around for the good.

====

S0, yalla.

I can’t see this process getting easier, unless more of us get the message about getting behind the Rav.

And with Biden apparently set to take over the White House tomorrow (barf, barf) – well.

This process could still get even more ‘interesting’.

And who has the koach for that?

No-one.

====

PS: With all the ‘hype’ about aliens going into overdrive, I thought you might want to remind yourself why ‘aliens’ don’t exist, and how all the ‘UFO’ sightings are just off-the-record, clandestine projects funded by corrupt spy agencies and the US military, who just took over on the nazi science where the Third Reich left off.

You can read more about all this below:

 

Yesterday, the bakery where my daughter works got ‘visited’ by the police.

They pushed their way into the private kitchens at the back where all the baking is done, and started giving 500 shekel fines to any worker not wearing a facemask up over their nose.

Because of tactics like this, even the people who used to be fervently patriotic, and who used to be behind the Israeli police 100% are starting to think that ‘something’ is not quite right in the State of Israel today. My daughter told me that at least one of the old workers was vehemently cursing the police, who busted into the private area of a private business, to dock hardworking people of what equates to at least 2 days of working wages – just for not wearing a facemask.

====

Let’s be clear, there is ZERO scientific evidence mandating the wearing of facemasks.

If this ‘law’ was challenged in court (as I so fervently hope and pray it will be soon) it would fall within 10 seconds of proceedings beginning, because of some very simple facts, like these:

  1. Anything that has pores big enough to let a person breathe CANNOT KEEP OUT ‘COVID-19 / CORONAVIRUS PARTICLES.

They are way, way smaller than the mesh of even the KN-95 facemask.

The only way to effectively cut off any COVID-19 ‘germs’ would be to bubble-wrap your head. For the 58 seconds of life that remained to you before you asphyxiated, you would be in a pristinely ‘COVID-19-FREE’ environment.

====

There is also tons of evidence to show that wearing masks for any length of time reduces the amount of oxygen circulating around your body, with potentially serious physical health consequences that build up over time.

And of course, massive MENTAL HEALTH consequences, as seeing everyone wearing facemasks all the time is profound demoralising and debilitating.

Especially when the police are just waiting to hand out 500 shekel fines to anyone who’s just trying to breathe a breath of fresh air.

This video from Dr Rashad Buttar is not shmirat eynayim friendly, FYI, but listen to what he’s saying, because he explains things very clearly:

====

So, where does all this leave us?

It leaves us looking down the barrel of an ugly, medical dictatorship where the powers-that-be are using our fear to control us, and to try to empower our worst nightmares.

The only way to battle this, really, is to work on our emuna, and particularly our emuna that Ein Od Milvado – there is only Hashem.

That’s really the whole test, the whole enchilada.

To get to that stage of saying if God wants me dead, God forbid, then I could bubble-wrap my head, live in an oxygen tent 24/7 (like Michael Jackson….) and wear latex pyjamas to bed – and I’ll still croak.

And if God doesn’t want us dead yet – and believe me, He really doesn’t want most people ‘dead’, He just wants us to work on our emuna and to come back to Him wholeheartedly – then there is nothing and no-one that can touch us.

====

If you want to do something more ‘active’, then also consider doing some hafetza with Rav Berland’s books and prayers in English. I’m going to keep tossing this in to the mix, because really, that’s the only way things will start to turnaround on a major level, when more people get behind the Tzaddik HaDor.

We just got 1000 of the Rav’s books in English printed up in Israel, and apparently they can still be posted out to anywhere in the country.

Plus, you can buy them at the tefillot at the Beit HaRav, on Ido HaNavi Street, from the Shuvu Banim bookseller. Just ask for R’ Shushan.

Plus, you can also buy them for a cheaper price as ‘downloadable PDFs’ that you can either read on your screen, or print off at home.

Go HERE to see what’s available.

====

Lastly, I want to share two screenshots that my readers sent me.

One made me laugh out loud, and the other one made me ponder just how long the world of evil is going to be able to continue, as more and more details about Epstein / Maxwell / human trafficking / human medical experimentation starts to come out. More on that, another time. When it’s a little bit ‘safer’ to write about it.

====

====

Heyyyy, wait a minute.

What was that whole corruption case with Bibi about again?

Oh yeah, now I remember:

https://www.timesofisrael.com/netanyahu-and-the-submarine-scandal-everything-you-need-to-know/

Ever wondered just why the State of Israel would need so many new, massive submarines?

It’s kind of interesting, isn’t it?

Especially given the link between Epstein / Maxwell and the State of Israel.

TBC

====

UPDATE:

I just found this video of yet another Israeli policeman slapping around a chareidi, at one of the recent protests in Israel, courtesy of Neshama’s blog. Ah, the hypocrisy.

The unmasked Border Policeman slapped the masked charedi in the face for asking him why he wasn’t wearing a mask…..

====

You might also like this article:

 

The new book by Rav Berland is out.

I got the steer to get on with it from my visit to Hevron, and now you can buy it in paperback, BH.

But I can’t.

As Amazon is still not delivering to Israel, or at least, they aren’t delivering this book to Israel. I’m working on getting the ebook together, but we all know that it’s not the same, spiritually, as getting a hard copy out there.

So again, if you want the privilege of being the first person to officially print the book in the world, go HERE and order a copy.

====

Ah.

I’ve been pretty irritable this week. I guess that’s inevitable. All this uncertainty, all this backwards and forwards between what was, and what is, and what will be.

God is actually being so kind to us, He’s dismantling the gashmius, and the world of lies, in such a gentle fashion, relatively. If you go HERE, you’ll find a point-by-point summary, in English, of the Gemara Sanhedrin 97a, which paints a clear picture of what will be, before Moshiach finally shows up. Here’s some of the key points:

====

Truth will go away like Adarim (flocks; Maharsha – people of truth will have to hide).

==

Anyone who avoids evil will be considered foolish.

==

Ben David will come in a generation in which youths shame elders, and elders stand in front of youths. A daughter reviles and shames her mother, a daughter-in-law shames her mother-in-law, people’s faces resemble that of dogs, and a son feels no shame in front of his father.

==

Ben David will come in a generation of great brazenness. People will not honor each other (alternatively – even the most honorable people are crooked), even though many grapes grow, wine is expensive (because grapes do not yield much wine; alternatively, because everyone drinks a lot), the entire kingdom will be Minim, and there is no rebuke. (Ed. note: minim means ‘informers’, specifically people that snitch on other people to the government….)

==

Ben David will not come until there are many informers. Alternatively, he will not come until Talmidim diminish, or until people lack money, or until they despair of redemption.

====

Let’s take a look at that last one in more detail, shall we?

  1. Moshiach won’t come until ‘there are many informers’ – i.e. people and apps and security services snitching on every single person in the world, all using ‘coronavirus’ as the excuse – CHECK
  2. He won’t come ‘until Talmidim diminish’ – whether that’s kids in schools, or Torah scholars, we can also tick this box. I was just saying to my husband, how very hard it feels at the moment, to even give over some Torah at the Shabbat table. Just feels like wading through treacle, or trying to pull a bunch of wool through a thorn bush. I can’t concentrate so much at the moment, and I usually love sharing Torah, especially awesome Torah from Rabbenu or Rav Berland. But at the moment, I just can’t focus enough to really ‘learn’ anything much. And I know I’m not the only one. – CHECK
  3. He won’t come ‘until people lack money’. I have a feeling this is being sweetened, at least partially. Sure, there are a lot of people who have just been instantly tipped into terrible poverty – as was always the plan – because of the lockdowns. And for those poor people, the heart truly bleeds. I got an email from someone in Latin America who is seeing her friends’ small kids lacking even basic foodstuff, even basic things like milk. That’s hard. It’s really hard.

And then, on a totally different level, there’s the fact that cash is currently being phased out all over the place. You can’t buy a ticket to the Jerusalem Zoo with cash anymore, only card. Ditto the buses. When I go to the supermarket, I often get into disagreements with the cashiers who apparently lack the ‘cash’ in their tills to even give me 10 shekels change for a 100 shekel note.

New World Order, World Economic Forum, ‘Great Reset’, ID2020 – or maybe just God’s way of sweetening what was stated here in the Gemara, we’ll see.

====

4. Moshiach won’t come until people despair of redemption.

We’re there, aren’t we? If not personally, than politically, and nationally and globally.

Yeoush is beating hard on most people’s doors right now, and without the power of the Tzaddikim, it’s very hard to stand up in the test.

It’s very hard not to just drown in bitterness, or to ‘disappear’ into never-ending business to keep the anxiety at bay, or to switch off and go into denial about it all.

Very hard indeed.

I was speaking to a relative in the UK yesterday who owns a big business. While they are still doing OK, in terms of revenues, they are probably still heading into administration because of the COVID-19 lockdown, because – like every other service industry business – they realised they don’t need their super-expensive office space anymore.

And so has everyone else.

Which means they can’t get rid of their super-expensive lease, and they can’t get someone else to take it off their hands, and with the economic downturn, the lease by itself is enough to push the business into declaring bankruptcy. She’s barely been out of her house for four months, and she told me that she reckons half the shops will be boarded up anyway, by the time she finally goes shopping again.

There’s no point doing anything, we’re all just in limbo. Who knows if they are going to lock us down again, if there’s a ‘second wave’. It just feels that it’s totally pointless, to try to plan or do anything.

That’s what she told me.

And that’s kind of what most of us are feeling right now:

Apathy. Frustration. Anger. Claustrophobia. Fear. YEOUSH.

====

One of my kids’ friends wanted to know why there is all this frozen fruit for smoothies in the freezer, that just isn’t getting used. When I explained that I’m finding it hard to cook because I’m having a mid-life crisis, he told me: Yeah, my mum is too.

I think we all are, in one way or another.

How could we not be, after everything we’ve gone through the last few months, and as the uncertainty continues and the ‘world of lies’ carries on shattering before our very eyes.

====

So, here’s my two cents on what God is probably expecting from us, at this really FRUSTRATING, UNCERTAIN AND ANXIETY-INDUCING stage of the geula process:

  1. Avoid all hakpada against other people – hakpada is harsh judgment, holding grudges, thinking the worst about other people, and concentrating on it. Rav Berland recently said this:

IT’S ASSUR (FORBIDDEN) FOR A PERSON TO L’HAKPID (JUDGE HARSHLY) ANY OTHER JEW, EVEN IF HE DOING ALL THE EVIL THINGS.

You know why?

Because we’re just judging ourselves, when we’re judging other people. Whatever we see them doing that annoys us, it’s really just a mirror. So whatever judgment we’re passing on those other people, we’re really just passing it on ourselves.

Isn’t that a scary thought?

====

2. Try to dance for at least 10 minutes, every single day. This is still my ‘go to’ advice for getting out of yeoush, especially if you can’t just head out and visit the kever of a tzaddik, or spend 6 hours doing hitbodedut.

3. Buy a copy of Rabbi Berland’s Advice for Success and Happiness – and read it.

I started translating that book in the first place, because it was helping me so much to get out of my yeoush and despair every time I was cracking it open.

This is not a simple period of time we are heading in to, anything but.

We need as much help as we can get to weather the emotional storms still up ahead, and connecting to the true Tzaddikim, via their books and advice, is one of the single biggest things we can do to come through all this in one piece.

When we connect to the tzaddikim, and follow their advice, we are replacing our ‘bad’ thoughts and stupid ideas with their clarity and wisdom. And then, we can stop acting like an out-of-control retard.

Eventually.

====

Here’s the link again:

====

UPDATE:

This article has absolutely nothing to do with this post, except to show how totally bizarre the world has become – permanent Purim, in fact – and how totally UNcredible practically every single source of ‘news’ now is. I clicked on this by mistake, when I was typing in a different website address, and here’s what came up.

Unbelievable, that this is what passes as ‘news’ today.

Take a look for yourself:

https://www.breakingisraelnews.com/152755/jerusalem-satanists-get-cold-feet-cancel-own-new-world-order-event-during-solar-eclipse/

====

You might also like this article:

 

 

 

Go HERE to download Peoplesmarts for free, on Amazon.

 

I need to get at least 10 reviews on my People Smarts book, before I can even run ads for it.

Here’s the email I just got from the ads guy:

Our agency can definitely run BookBub and/or Amazon Ads for your book.
Only problem is, we’ve seen that these ads work best when a book has at least around 10 reviews, and is ranking ok – around 30k I’d say.
====

I currently have 4 reviews on the book (thanks to every single one of you, may God bless you…)

And my ranking is currently around the 700,000 mark…. i.e. totally cack.
Now, I’m not asking you to solve my author problems, I need to go away and figure things out a bit more myself. 
But, I am asking if there is anyone out there who is happy to write a review, either because they were doing the course, or have already been sent the PDF, or even are happy to buy the book and read it (ooo, now I’m getting really controversial.)
No problem if you can’t, really, I totally understand.

But if you can, and you could and you will, that would be fantastic.

 

====
Here’s a little of what some of the existing reviewers said about People Smarts – it’s honestly a really helpful system, that will transform how you relate to dealing with your stress – even of the COVID-19-stuck-in-the-house-for-15-months-going-crazy-with-kids-at-home-24/7 variety:

Review #1:

[I]f you’re looking for a system that has stood the test of time, a system used by some of the greatest Torah Sages and hinted at in Psalm 148 (in which God is praised using the 4 elements) and mentioned in the ancient Midrash Bamidbar Rabbah 14:12 (the elements are referred to in Hebrew as the four teva’im), a system that explains the human psyche in a way others don’t, then [People Smarts] provides a great introduction to an extremely complex & insightful system.
====

Review #2:

I took the People Smarts course given by the author herself online, several months ago, before she came out with the book. The course was very helpful and gave broader perspective of stress and stress response and management than I had before….Do not read the book – study it!

====

Review #3:

[People Smarts] employs a simple but comprehensive personality quiz to identify your typical stress response behaviors. It describes what these behaviors look like when they are balanced and healthy, and more importantly, when they are unbalanced and unhealthy. And most importantly, it offers practical advice on how to balance your stress responses and work towards having them be more useful and less disruptive to your physical and mental health.
====

Review #4:

Rivka Levy has a journalist’s flair, making complex subjects easy for even a novice like me. Moreover, the advice is clear, easy and practical. After mastering the material, was suddenly able to sail through the snags in family relationships and whatever else was blocking this reader from reaching life-long goals. Highly recommended!
====
You can review the book here:
And I appreciate any little help you can give me. Let’s be clear, no-one is going to be retiring on the amount I make from writing my books (both my teenagers are out-earning me by a factor of about 1000%….), but it would be great if more people could use the People Smarts information to really get a handle on their stress and their relationships.
Thankenchou.
====
https://www.rivkalevy.com/do-you-need-some-help-with-stress-relief/

After weeks and months of being fried-out by news and geula blogs, I’m having a few days off.

I’ve been going ‘cold turkey’ on checking the news sites and geula blogs since last Friday – and I have to tell you, I’m feeling way, way happier and calmer.

Right now, I’m pulling together Volume III of The Secret Diary of a Jewish Housewife, and that’s probably going to take me a couple of days.

And I’m also planning to paint or crochet a little.

And I also did some exercise for the first time in ages.

In short, I’m having a STAYCATION, and if you can, I highly recommend you do the same.

Just turn off the computer, and do something life-affirming and REAL.

Bake cookies, do some gardening, dance a little (even in the Omer, we can dance, especially this year when Rav Yitzhak Yosef gave his psak that it’s ok to listen to music, to keep our spirits up in these difficult times).

Rav Berland will let us know when there is something else to be aware of – he’s the only one who really knows what’s going on here, and at this stage, his website is the only one worth checking for updates on all things related to ‘geula’.

If you’re missing my blog in the meantime, feel free to check out Volume II of The Secret Diary of a Jewish Housewife, called Questions for God.

You can get that HERE, but if you’re in Israel, you can only get the Kindle right now, as Amazon aren’t delivering here.

I’ll be back in a day or two, BH.

Here I am, live-blogging my COVID-19 induced nervous breakdown….

On Friday, I cracked up.

It was bound to happen sooner or later, because it’s impossible to go through months and months and months of intense stress without something giving.

So on Friday, I fired up the laptop, did the usual trawl-thru of all the cr*ppy fake news websites that are basically just churning out lies and government sponsored propaganda 24/7… and then my eyes went funny.

Not just a little bit funny, full-on funny which made it really hard for me see, and meant I had to go to bed for 8 hours, while my kids cooked Shabbat.

I’ve had this happen 2 times before in my life, each time at the end of a period of extreme and prolonged stress. When it first happened around 12 years ago, it literally took me out for a year, and began my whole process of figuring out how human health and emotions actually fit together, that culminated in Talk to God and Fix Your Health.

The second time it happened, was just after we moved to Jerusalem and everything started falling apart big time, as chronicled (partly….) in The Secret Diary of a Jewish Housewife 1 – Move to the Golden City.

That time, too, it took me a few months to make the teshuva required to get my eyes back to normal, and to deal with the underlying emotional issues and lack of emuna that had basically totally fried my body out.

====

This time around, things came much faster.

I stuck some whole red lentils on some key places, including where the eyes are located in the Sujok system on the hand to strengthen my energy; I liberally doused on some lavender essential oils to take the physical stress down; and then I decided I am taking a news fast for hopefully at least the next 2 weeks.

No more heart-attack inducing headlines from ynet; no more upsetting opinion pieces from Jpost, no more fake ‘facts’, misleading statistics or made up quotes from corrupt ‘experts’.

By the time Shabbat came in, I already started feeling much, much better, although honestly, I’m still a bit weak at the moment.

====

The other thing I realized I have to work on is having some emuna that God is really behind all this, and accepting His decisions, including that I have to wear the stupid, pointless mask every time I go outside.

I’ve been railing against this so much, as it’s just pure control for control’s own sake, and I feel that deep in my bones.

At the same time… It’s God who is actually deciding that everyone has to wear masks right now, and it’s not even that I don’t have a clue about what this is really all about, because I wrote a whole post about what particular area of teshuva that’s related to.

====

So, instead of spending my time fuming and gnashing my teeth, and hating government institutions wholesale, I decided I’m going to spend the next two weeks trying to ‘enjoy’ the situation God has put me in.

And trying to see the good.

And also using this time to work on things that I pushed to the back burner for so many years, like my Secret Diary of a Jewish Housewife series, which are based on the best bits of my blog.

Today, the paperback version of Volume II of the Secret Diary of a Jewish Housewife series went live on Amazon (and I can’t buy it myself still, as I’m in Israel and they aren’t delivering here yet), and the Kindle should be ready middle of the week, BH.

It’s called Questions for God, and it spans my blog for the year 2016 – when I was going through a lot of things that sound like I could be writing about what many of us are experiencing right now, during this whole COVID-19 madness.

Stuff like accepting God’s will wholeheartedly.

Even when it seems to be the very opposite of what you yourself are hoping for, and praying for, and wishing for. And how to deal with teenagers in a real way, that doesn’t negate their budding sense of self, but which also keeps them at least broadly trundling in the right direction down the tracks. And questions about what our true sense of purpose really is, when all the ‘reality’ we knew suddenly disappears and we’re left feeling totally lost in the world…

And a bunch of other stuff, besides.

====

The next two weeks, I have plans to also get Secret Diaries Numbers 3, 4 and 5 pulled together and ready to get out too – to bring us up to 2019.

So, keep your eyes peeled for that.

And in the meantime, no news is good news.

====

Go HERE to buy Questions for God on Amazon.

====

You might also like this article:

 

A billion, million years ago (aka, last week), I sent the draft of my new People Smarts book to get laid out.

Two days ago, he sent it back to me, and I uploaded it to Amazon. Then I held my breath, to see if the only books they are banning are by Rabbi Eliezer Berland, or whether I’m also now on the hit list.

Whaddya know?

They approved it within 24 hours, and it’s now up for sale on Amazon, as the paperback, with the Kindle version hopefully being available later this week.

That’s important, because Amazon has now stopped deliveries to Israel while all the Coronavirus hysteria continues, which basically means I can’t even get a hard copy of my own book. Such are the times we live in. But, once the Kindle version is ready (it’s being worked on by my designer, who is currently locked down in the Philippines….) it’ll be available for instant download.

Alternatively, you can also get the PDF to download, and print it off yourself at home, if you send $12.99 to my paypal here: paypal.me/RivkaLevy , and then drop me an email to let me know you want the book.

====

Two billion, million years ago, I was teaching the prototype ‘Crush Your Stress’ Masterclass for women, that is meant to go along with this book.

I’m still trying to get that course completed and uploaded. As you can imagine, all these plans kind of got totally disrupted the last few weeks. But, with God’s help, I’m still planning to get that completed, and then to figure out some live group coaching slots for any women out there who are hanging on to their sanity by their fingernails, and would appreciate some time hanging out online with other women to ‘destress’.

I will keep you posted.

And in the meantime, if you live in the US or UK, you can still get this book hardcopy, HERE.

It’s probably more timely than ever now. But I appreciate that few people have the headspace to read it at the moment.

====

The ravberland.com site is also doing a special offer on the Prayers for Health book at the moment, which includes a prayer to be saved from the Coronavirus, where someone donated 50 copies free, for the first 50 people who download the book.

Go HERE for more information.

====

And lastly, I highly recommend you read THIS, if you want to start doing something practical to get on top of the emotional, spiritual and financial destruction being wrought by the Coronavirus.

The forces of evil are using this whole scene as an excuse to shut down mikvas, shuls, yeshivas and Talmud Torahs all over the world, including in Israel. Every day, my husband hears more rumors of the police in Israel showing up at more Torah institutions and trying to arrest and fine even more people.

This is an unprecedented attack on the Torah, by people who are trying to play God and control the whole world with fear tactics and manipulation.

Mamash, I have to pinch myself at the moment, because I keep feeling like I’ve stumbled into some Kafkaesque nightmare where Jews in Israel are being threatened and punished for trying to go to shul… and for trying to learn Torah…and for trying to pray.

====

Three billion, million years ago, when all the police persecution started up again against Rabbi Berland and Shuvu Banim, so many people thought there was some justification to it all, however warped. At that time, we were told starkly in a number of different ways that Shuvu Banim was only the start, and that this was part of a much wider campaign against the Torah world:

When is the religious community in Israel going to wake up, and to realize that what’s going on against Rabbi Berland and Shuvu Banim is just the prototype for a much wider campaign of suppression and persecution aimed at the Torah world?

====

Barely six weeks have passed since the Rav was arrested for the ‘crime’ of doing pidyon nefesh and accepting donations, and now look what’s going on.

A couple of days ago I actually had a big attack of yeoush, or despair, at the situation, because if more of us would throw our weight behind the Rav, and add our prayers to his, and make the teshuva required for slagging off the Gadol HaDor, and lacking emuna and emunat tzaddikim, all this would turn around overnight, and Coronavirus would completely disappear off the scene.

But even at this stage, and even after we’ve seen the Rav make so many correct predictions of what was to come, and seen so many disastrous situation turn around and sweeten after following his instructions, and even after so many kabbalists and rabbis have spoken out publically about what is really happening here….

Most of Am Yisrael remain totally oblivious.

Sigh.

====

We can get this to change, we really can.

I sit here alternating between panic and emuna, because I KNOW that once more of us get the message, and make teshuva about all our arrogance, and all our control-freakery, and all our lashon hara, and all the poisonous ‘news’ we believed over our own true rabbis, the redemption process will start to proceed in much smoother, nicer way.

But until that happens, things are going to be really, really hard.

I’m already seeing what all this ‘social distancing’ and quarantine is doing to a lot of my kids’ teenage friends, and there is going to be a mental health epidemic that could easily see people start to kill themselves, if we don’t get this decree sweetened ASAP.

Tachlis, we can’t keep our families at home for another 4 months – I don’t think most people will manage more than another week, before they literally start to crack-up, emotionally and mentally.

====

SO, HERE’S A PLEA FROM THE HEART:

Am Yisrael, please, please, stop being so stubborn and arrogant, and stop believing all the heretical news headlines and false accounts of what’s going on here, and what the response should be to it. There is only one way to get this Coronavirus destruction to stop, and that is teshuva, prayer, and binding ourselves to our true tzaddikim, especially Rabbi Eliezer Berland.

If this doesn’t turn around by Pesach, as Rabbi Berland is trying to do, it’s going to be really, really bad.

That’s the reality.

And each one of us has a part to play, and a responsibility to fulfill, to put more effort into our prayers, our teshuva, and our hafetza.

PS: Baruch Hashem, I got day 21 at the Kotel done this morning. Hashem only knows if I’m going to be able to reach the 40 days, but each day is its own miracle.

====

You might also like this article:

Every few posts, I’ve decided to break up all the doom and gloom a little – as serious as it all is – with something a little lighter.

I did that with Nissim’s Mothaland Bounce video, and in this post, I want to introduce you to a new book, that is a really good read.

It’s called Kiss the hand you can’t bite  – and I can’t say anything more about it, other than if you’re interested in family dynamics, epigenetics, life in Israel and talking to God, you might really enjoy it.

You can check the first chapter of the book out HERE, and order your copy on Amazon HERE.

Enjoy!

====

You might also like this article: